


The Group Chat That Shouldn't Exist But Now Does Thanks To Joe Trohman

by Izzygrace07



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2019-07-01 19:03:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 57,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15780192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzygrace07/pseuds/Izzygrace07
Summary: Joe Trohman creates a group chat one day when he is bored in class. Everything goes from 0 to 100 to 32 to sometimes -23. All depends on the mood, I guess.More characters to be added as the story progresses





	1. ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE STRAIGHT BAIT

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Group Chat AU That Nobody Asked For](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8232398) by [Reddxn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reddxn/pseuds/Reddxn). 



  
>> Joe Trohman added Patrick Stump, Gerard Way, and Ray Toro to the gay bois

Patrick Stump: excuse me??

Ray Toro: wtf ru doing im sitting right next to u???

Gerard Way: can you use actually words when you talk ray???

Ray Toro: can u stahp bein a grammer nazzi????

Gerard Way: i was just asking if you could speak english but whatever

Patrick Stump: so why was this group chat made if were all in the same room?  
and why is it called the gay bois?

Joe Trohman: because im bored and its a true fact

Ray Toro: true

Gerard Way: true

Patrick Stump: um not true

Joe Trohman: suuure patrick. well all pretend you arent completely in love with pete wentz

Patrick Stump: you dont need to pretend because im not?  
also can you all shut up please mr smith is threatening to take away my phone

Ray Toro: just turn down ur phone?

Joe Trohman: dont blame us for being a distraction

Gerard Way: we are a distraction

Joe Trohman: oh yeah woops forgot :P

Patrick Stump: i would if i could. theres no volume buttons on my phone

Ray Toro: what the actual fuck what even is ur phone???

Patrick Stump: its some new shit from japan where you use voice commands to change the volume  
except mine has a broken mic  
so yeah

Gerard Way: oh you have the TFPN-V1

Patrick Stump: i have the what now?

Gerard Way: so you go to your settings  
then you go into the phones system settings  
go to screen and buttons

Joe Trohman: i made this chat and ive said the least i feel very used

Gerard Way: you can change it so that when you slide your fingers across the screen a certain way it adjusts the volume  
wow okay just interrupt me why dont you joe

Joe Trohman: well exCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO ADD TO THE CONVERSATION GERARD  
if you dont  
want to be  
interrupted  
then dont  
type  
like  
you  
have  
a  
4  
character  
limit  
per  
text

Gerard Way: i feel attacked

Ray Toro: he protecc, he attacc

Patrick Stump: thanks gerard were good now

Ray Toro: you cut off the meme wtf patrick

Patrick Stump: i just had to thank him because  
he put the volume bacc B)

Joe Trohman: OMG WAT  
PLOT TWIST

Ray Toro: ill be real  
i didnt see that coming

Gerard Way: what a  
comebacc B)

Joe Trohman: GET OUT OML

Ray Toro: hey should we add the others in so that this isnt just gay bois but gay squad??

Gerard Way: gay squad is my new affiliation

Patrick Stump: if you want to add them do it after class  
frank and andy are with mrs matinez and she takes away phones  
mikey and pete are with mr walker and hes just as strict

>> Ray Toro added Frank Iero, Mikey Way, Pete Wentz, and Andy Hurley to the gay bois

Patrick Stump: or ignore me and add them whatever you do you i guess

Pete Wentz: what do you people want from me  
oh hi patrick

Patrick Stump: hi pete

Mikey Way: oml will you two go make out already

Gerard Way: mikey dont be rude  
theyre not that far in the relationship yet

Mikey Way: joe and andy made it that far in like 5 seconds?

Andy Hurley: of summer???

Joe Trohman: YOUNGBLOOD  
SAY YOU WANT ME  
SAY YOU WANT ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE

Ray Toro: AND IM JUST A DEAD MAN WALKING TONIGHT

Patrick Stump: BUT YOU NEED IT  
YEAH YOU NEED IT ALL OF THE TIME

Pete Wentz: HEY YOUNGBLOOD  
DOESNT IT FEEL  
LIKE OUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT

Mikey Way: wtf was that pete

Pete Wentz: idk wtf you guys are singing i just added what sounded right

>> Andy Hurley renamed the chat the youngbloods

>> Joe Trohman renamed the chat the gay youngbloods

Andy Hurley: even better

Joe Trohman: im a man of many talents andy

Patrick Stump: some of us arent gay though???

Gerard Way: oml stop denying the gay you fucking straight bait

Ray Toro: WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK IS A STRAIGHT BAIT

Joe Trohman: urban dictionary says straight bait is a guy who asks straight but is actually gay

>> Ray Toro changed Patrick Stump's name to straight bait

straight bait: this is bullying

Ray Toro: nah just gotta get the truth out there

Pete Wentz: leave him be if he says hes straight then hes straight

Joe Trohman: way to defend ur bf pete

Pete Wentz: i just  
wat  
did you completely miss what i said

Joe Trohman: didnt miss it. just read it and decided to not listen

Mikey Way: boyyyyy #rekt

Pete Wentz: stfu you fruitcake

Andy Hurley: what even are these insults???

>> Ray Toro changed Mikey Way's name to fruitcake

>> fruitcake changed Ray Toro's name to bitch

bitch: how creative

fruitcake: how true

Gerard Way: can i have a nickname pls

>> bitch changed Gerard Way's name to ask and ye shall receive

ask and ye shall receive: i thought nicknames were supposed to shorten the name???

Pete Wentz: are you stereotyping nicknames?

fruitcake: are you defending nicknames??

Pete Wentz: someone has to defend the honor of the nicknames

straight bait: how noble of you

Andy Hurley: your a legend pete

>> fruitcake changed Pete Wentz's name to your a leg and pete

fruitcake: fuck sorry autocorrect

>> your a leg and pete changed fruitcake's name to fuck sorry autocorrect

fuck sorry autocorrect: pete wentz everyone

your a leg and pete: thank you thank you

ask and ye shall receive: hey frank is in the chat right???

Andy Hurley: yeah y

ask and ye shall receive: why isnt he talking

fuck sorry autocorrect: hes in the nurses office

ask and ye shall receive: whys he in the nurses office

fuck sorry autocorrect: he got a pencil in his shoulder

ask and ye shall receive: and how did the pencil get in his shoulder

fuck sorry autocorrect: i demand a lawyer

Joe Trohman: hi. attorney trohman. im here to defend mr mikey way

>> Andy Hurley changed Joe Trohman's name to attorney trohman

attorney trohman: thank you young anderson

straight bait: anderson???

Andy Hurley: no that is super wrong actually  
wait i like it  
young anderson

ask and ye shall receive: pls dont

>> Andy Hurley changed Andy Hurley's name to young anderson

ask and ye shall receive: is the only nicknessless friend frank?

your a leg and pete: frank will get a nickname when he decides to join us

attorney trohman: and until he does  
court is now in session for the trial of way vs way

bitch: your not the judge you cant start court

attorney trohman: ugh fine

>> attorney trohman changed straight bait's name to the honorable straight bait

the honorable straight bait: this is actually an amazing name ill keep it

ask and ye shall receive: do i get a lawyer???

your a leg and pete: everyone gets a role in this courtroom

>> your a leg and pete changed young anderson's name to young prosecutor anderson

>> your a leg and pete changed bitch's name to baliff bitch

>> your a leg and pete changed ask and ye shall receive's name to fuck sorry autocorrect sr

>> your a leg and pete changed your a leg and pete's name to witness yalap

baliff bitch: BALIFF BITCH IM CRYING IN THE CLUB

witness yalap: we can start now

fuck sorry autocorrect: who needs class anyway amirite

baliff bitch: ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE STRAIGHT BAIT

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: oml joe did you just stand in the middle of class

attorney trohman: i have to honor the honorable straight bait

the honorable straight bait: alright so today the case is way vs way on the account of a frank iero being stabbed with a pencil  
defendent how do you plead?

fuck sorry autocorrect: not guilty

the honorable straight bait: should have known  
okay defense opening statement

attorney trohman: my client is innocent

the honorable straight bait: is  
is that it

attorney trohman: yep

fuck sorry autocorrect: god damn it im gonna be executed or some shit

the honorable straight bait: prosecution?

young prosecutor anderson: the defense is guilty

the honorable straight bait: jesus christ  
OKAY  
defense do you want to call up a witness?

attorney trohman: the defense calls pete wentz to the stand

witness yalap: what up

attorney trohman: so mr wentz  
whos class are you in right now

witness yalap: mr walkers

attorney trohman: what does he teach

witness yalap: advanced bio

attorney trohman: wait really wtf  
why did i get stuck with mr wilson for adv bio

baliff bitch: ur getting off topic

attorney trohman: who from this courtroom is in your advance bio class with you right now?

witness yalap: mikey and gerard

fuck sorry autocorrect: OH YEAH  
YOU WERE IN HERE

fuck sorry autocorrect: YEAH  
WERE  
NO LONGER

attorney trohman: defense would like to call gerard way to the stand

the honorable straight bait: kk

attorney trohman: gerard what class do you have right now

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: study hall no class

witness yalap: oh you lucky fucker

young prosecutor anderson: thats not fair

the honorable straight bait: order everyone stfu  
continue joe

attorney trohman: do you have mr walker for any classes

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: no

attorney trohman: so why tf were you in his room

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: went into the wrong room

witness yalap: then why did you stay for like ten minutes

baliff bitch: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
EXPOSE HIM PETE

the honorable straight bait: please explain gerard

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: fifth amendment

young prosecutor anderson: dude really

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: UR SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE ANDY

young prosecutor anderson: SORRY IM CURIOUS

attorney trohman: let me ask you this gerard  
do you have martinez for any classes?

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: whos that?

attorney trohman: ill take that as a no  
do you and frank share any classes?

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: no we dont

attorney trohman: now  
what number room is walkers room?

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: 101

attorney trohman: andy what room number is martinez

young prosecutor anderson: 107

attorney trohman: are you in class right now and was frank in this class with you?

young prosecutor anderson: yes and yes

fuck sorry autocorrect: ANDY STFU PLEASE

attorney trohman: pete and mikey  
was gerard wearing his glasses when he entered walkers room

fuck sorry autocorrect: omg he wasnt

witness yalap: nope  
wait  
waittttttt  
HOLY FUK JOE U GENIUS

the honorable straight bait: um guys  
i think thats enough

baliff bitch: PAT SHHH ITS GETTING GOOD

attorney trohman: mr gerard way  
you were trying to get to franks room werent you

fuck sorry autocorrect: omg  
OMG  
GEE  
U LIKE FRANK DONT U???

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: this was supposed to be about finding out who stabbed frank with a pencil  
not an interrogation on who i like  
fuck you guys

>> fuck sorry autocorrect sr left the group chat

the honorable straight bait: guys i fucked up  
im sorry

fuck sorry autocorrect: wait wtf are you sorry for???

the honorable straight bait: i should have tried harder to defuse the situation

baliff bitch: oh fuck i forgot u do this

witness yalap: pat u didnt do anything  
your the least to blame  
your the only one who actually tried get us to stop

young prosecutor anderson: dont blame urself man

the honorable straight bait: ...  
court is adjourned.

 


	2. the lesbian youngbloods

Frank Iero: what the fuck have you idiots been doing

baliff bitch: finally  
hi frank  
welcome to the gay youngbloods  
we require blood for the initiation

Frank Iero: im sorry what

baliff bitch: jk  
welcome to the gay youngbloods  
im ray

Frank Iero: oh psh hi ray  
i can see you from across the room  
im waving at you

baliff bitch: im waving back  
hello

Frank Iero: so who else is here???

baliff bitch: ROLL CALL

witness yalap: pete

attorney trohman: joe

young prosecutor anderson: andy

fuck sorry autocorrect: mikey

baliff bitch: where the fuck is patrick

attorney trohman: oh okay so  
patrick has this whole things where he blames everything on himself  
if you couldnt already tell  
so he thinks that the whole gerard thing is his fault even though he has nothing to do with it

witness yalap: where is he?

attorney trohman: bathrooms i think? second floor

witness yalap: ill go find him

fuck sorry autocorrect: run to your bf pete

witness yalap: t(-.-t)

fuck sorry autocorrect: r00d

Frank Iero: wait wait wait  
what happened with gerard  
is he in the chat?

young prosecutor anderson: *was

Frank Iero: catch me up

attorney trohman: scroll up in the chat and read

Frank Iero: wtf yall went to court without me  
oh duh that explains the names

fuck sorry autocorrect: yeah come on man try and keep up

Frank Iero: ...  
ohhhhhh  
i see

witness yalap: what do you see?

attorney trohman: yo pete did you find pat?

witness yalap: yeah hes fine just having a hard time  
hell be on in a sec

young prosecutor anderson: good good

the honorable straight bait: oh hi frank! how are you

Frank Iero: hi pat  
thank you by the way

the honorable straight bait: what for?

Frank Iero: trying to help gee earlier  
youre a good friend

the honorable straight bait: oh  
um  
youre welcome

witness yalap: his face is bright red oml

the honorable straight bait: STFU PETE

fuck sorry autocorrect: so the gerard thing  
whats up?

>>Frank Iero added fuck sorry autocorrect sr to the gay youngbloods

attorney trohman: oof welp

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: whats going on

Frank Iero: hi gee

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: frank im sorry  
i didnt want to tell you how i felt because i knew that it wuld cause orblems bwten us and i underastnd uf you dont lije me bacl

young prosecutor anderson: umm whats happening with your english???

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: in sorey my gands arw jsut realuy shaeky im freakibf oit

Frank Iero: i love you gee

fuck sorry autocorrect ar: wait wjat  
ypu do

Frank Iero: yeah gee your the fucking best  
ive liked you literally forever  
so yeah  
its better that you like me back

witness yalap: OMG ITS HAPPENING

the honorable straight bait: i cant believe it  
this is awesome :D

Frank Iero: i have my study hall right now  
where you at gee?

fuck sorry autocorrect sr: im in art  
mr rose

Frank Iero: im on my way

attorney trohman: THE SHIP HAS SAILED EVERYONE  
I REPEAT THE SHIP HAS SAILED

fuck sorry autocorrect: does that mean we can change our names now?

attorney trohman: i dont see the correlation??

the honorable straight bait: can i keep mine though???

young prosecutor anderson: i thought you hated it????

the honorable straight bait: its grown on me greatly?????

witness yalap: i got this  
everyone step aside

>> witness yalap changed attorney trohman's name to jojotrotro

>> witness yalap changed young prosecutor anderson's name to andrea

>> witness yalap changed fuck sorry autocorrect's name to MOIKOI

>> witness yalap changed fuck sorry autocorrect sr's name to geereed

>> witness yalap changed Frank Iero's name to benjamin franklin

>> witness yalap changed baliff bitch's name to toronado

>> witness yalap changed the honorable straight bait's name to strate bate

strate bate: how fucking dare you

andrea: why did I get a girls name

witness yalap: goes with the voice

MOIKOI: I JUST SPAT OUT MY WATER

toronado: DRAG HIM PETE

andrea: you know nobody changed your name pete

witness yalap: they dont need to

strate bate: i think they do

witness yalap: quiet my children i am at work

>> andrea changed witness yalap's name to petra

petra: well fuck u 2

strate bate: <3

andrea: <3

MOIKOI: why do andy and pete get to be drag queens and we dont

toronado: OMG WE SHOULD BE DRAG QUEENS

geereed: I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD DRAG QUEENS WHATS UP

benjamin franklin: NEXT WEEK IS SPIRIT WEEK AND TUESDAY IS GENDERBEND DAY  
WE SHOULD ALL BE DRAG QUEENS  
also i like the name 8/10 less history

petra: thank you thank you  
WE ALL NEED TO MEET UP AND GET OUTFITS AND SHIT

jojotrotro: I PUT MY PHONE DOWN FOR 5 MINUTES  
BUT IM IN SO WHATEVER

strate bate: guys i dont know if I want to be a drag queen

toronado: first straight bait then against the queens  
how tf are you here  
jk i <3 u

strate bate: im not against drag queens  
i just dont think i can be one

geereed: why not my fair patrick?

strate bate: i dont like people seeing my body  
or skin  
or really any part of it

MOIKOI: you dont have to show skin

petra: actually i know exactly what hes talking about  
thats why im going to say that if he doesnt want to join us he doesnt have to

andrea: secrets in the chat?

benjamin franklin: the tides are shifting  
the winds pick up  
theres a storm brewing  
something is coming

toronado: lets turn that off thank you very much frank

petra: i get why you dont want to pat and i dont want to push you  
but can you at least wear a fedora with a bow on it?  
and go by a girls name with us?

strate bate: i can do that

petra: i applaud ur bravery

geereed: are u okay pat?

strate bate: yeah just have some stuff im trying to move past

jojotrotro: fight against it pat  
be the warrior you have always been

petra: so names

>> geereed changed geereed's name to geralynn

andrea: why were you so quick to come up with a name???

geralynn: im like 90% girl already this is nothing

>> jojotrotro changed jojotrotro's name to jodie

benjamin franklin: ew no  
shut that down right now

jodie: well fuck u 2  
let me see u do better

>> benjamin franklin changed benjamin franklin's name to francine

francine: you were saying?

jodie: t(-.-t) fine fine

>> jodie changed jodie's name to joseline

joseline: happy?

andrea: gorgeous baby

joseline: <3

andrea: <3

petra: what about u ray u got one?

toronado: i cant think of any

MOIKOI: dude you have the easiest name to genderbend gtfo

toronado: i know but i dont wanna just go with something like rachel

strate bate: what about rachael?

toronado: holy fuck thats classy

petra: um its a one letter difference??

toronado: um shut the fuck up???

>> toronado changed toronado's name to rachael

>> MOIKOI changed MOIKOI's name to michelle

rachael: nah THATS classy  
michelle  
damn

michelle: i detect straight

andrea: nah thats just patrick

geralynn: your turn pat

strate bate: im running into a ray problem

rachael: did you get your head stuck in the classroom door window too?

strate bate: what  
no  
what

geralynn: im sorry what happened?

rachael: i was trying to scare mikey in class by spooking him at the door  
i might have broken the glass to the window and my head got stuck

francine: oh i remember that  
good times

petra: so pat  
ray problem as in???

strate bate: i dont want to just say patricia and call it good  
i want it to have some kind of meaning to me

joseline: like?

strate bate: idk just not something basic

andrea: basic is my middle name

joseline: i thought it was john??

andrea: shut up joe mark trohman

joseline: how dare u give out my full name like that  
the government will be hunting me now  
the dark web will take my body parts  
are you happy now andy

andrea: im doing pretty well

petra: well how about instead of a name pat u use a word  
like not a weird word like bench  
like an emotion

michelle: im sorry but bench??

rachael: do you not always think about benches mikey???

michelle: no because im not weird????

geralynn: you were kicked out of class yesterday for getting up and drawing a dragon on the whiteboard during math

francine: i still have the pics

michelle: it was art my frens  
it was art

>> strate bate changed strate bate's name to patience

petra: holy fuck thats so perfect for u pat

geralynn: THATS a drag queen name gentlemen and gentlemen

joseline: im jealous at how great that is

andrea: same wtf pat??

patience: you have to have a lot of it to be me

francine: were we just insulted

michelle: im not sure  
probably

francine: im 75% offended

patience: im 75% sorry

rachael: guys i just had a thought

geralynn: i didnt think that was possible for you to do

rachael: 1. fuck u gerard  
2\. if were all girls now doesnt that make us the lesbian youngbloods??

patience: WAT

andrea: IM CRYING XD W T F

>> geralynn renamed the chat the lesbian youngbloods

joseline: this chat is going to hell

petra: you cant go to hell if ur already there joe

joseline: fuck thats wise

geralynn: oh shit mr rose sees us texting  
GOTTA BLAST

francine: DAMN IT GEE WHY DID U HAVE TO HAVE UR NONFICATIONS SWDAJESUE

rachael: man dont u hate when ur notifs are swdajesue

patience: should we pray for our fallen members

andrea: theres no praying in hell my dear patience  
theres no praying in hell


	3. brondom: the condom for bros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wild forehead appears

>> francine removed petra and patience from the chat

joseline: oooo i smell drama  
who fucked who

francine: what  
no  
shut up joe

andrea: why were so quick to get here joe

joseline: i feed on drama my dear andrea

>> michelle renamed the chat my dear andrea

andrea: i feel honored

michelle: as u should <3

andrea: <3

joseline: haha lets shut that down please

rachael: why did u remove patrick and pete franklin?

francine: i will stab u if u call me franklin

rachael: okay franklen

francine: acceptable  
anyways i removed them because we need to talk about The Secret™

michelle: whats The Secret™

francine: remember when we were talking yesterday and pat didnt want to be a dq with us?

rachael: he didnt want to be dairy queen with us

francine: no wtf shut up

michelle: i wanna be a dairy queen

andrea: i want dairy queen now  
joe wanna go get dairy queen

joseline: sure lets ditch

rachael: OMG JOE I JUST SAW YOU THROW DOWN UR BOOKS AND WALK OUT  
WHAT AN ICON

joseline: dairy queen is more important than education

michelle: my new senior quote

geralynn: CAN WE FOCUS PLS

rachael: wow could you not be so rude thanks

geralynn: fuck off ray

rachael: i will fuck on thank you very much

geralynn: ANYWAYS  
me and frank are in mr bryars class right now

michelle: wait  
i thought u and frank had no classes together

geralynn: i can barely keep track of my health how do u expect me to keep track of my schedule

michelle: thats fair

geralynn: anyways were working with this guy brandon  
and he was talking about spirit week next week

francine: i thought it was spelled branden

michelle: no its definitely bramdon

joseline: i read that as brondom

rachael: youve heard of the condom  
now get ready for the brondom  
the bronze condom

>> michelle changed rachael's name to the bronze condom

the bronze condom: how r00d t(-.-t)

geralynn: OMG WILL U FUCKNUTS SHUT UP

>> the bronze condom renamed the chat FUCKNUTS

the bronze condom: carry on

joseline: wait by brandon do you mean brendon?  
as in brendon urie??  
as in the kid who yells at people for leaving classroom doors open???

geralynn: thats the guy

andrea: man he sounds like fun  
why isnt he in this chat

joseline: were getting off topic

francine: thank you joseline  
continue gee

geralynn: <3  
so we were talking about tuesday and the whole genderbend thing and we told him that a group us were doing it together as drag queens  
he asked who and we mentioned pat and he was surprised

michelle: surprised as in

geralynn: he said and i quote "i didnt think he had gotten over the past so quickly"

andrea: im sorry W A T

joseline: dude thats #spooky af

the bronze condom: did u ask about it

geralynn: of course not  
im not gonna pry

michelle: dude prying is ur thing  
yru telling us this if u didnt ask brendon

francine: well we thought we should let him tell you himself

>> francine added Brendon Urie to FUCKNUTS

joseline: WAT U CANT JUST ADD PEOPLE TO MY CHAT  
COMMONERS ARNT WELCOME HERE

francine: IM SORRY HE SAW YOU BUTCHER HIS NAME

Brendon Urie: i can see brandon and branden sure  
common mistakes  
but brondom  
wtf joseline

joseline: sorry i cant read

Brendon Urie: yeah no shit

>> the bronze condom changed Brendon Urie's name to brondom

brondom: brondom: the condom for bros

michelle: incest?

geralynn: N O P L S

andrea: thats a mental image i didnt need thank u

brondom: so why am i here frank??

francine: tell the lads about patrick

michelle: yeah spill the tea my man

joseline: i want tea

andrea: ew not with dairy queen whats wrong with u

joseline: dont limit me and my tastebuds

brondom: its really not my place to talk  
BUT  
ill tell you what i can

the bronze condom: is someone writing this down

joseline: i can write it on this dairy queen napkin

andrea: did u take my napkin

joseline: its for a good cause

>>andrea changed joseline's name to napkin thief

andrea: continue

napkin thief: :'(

brondom: so me pete and patrick all use to be close until middle school hit and we split  
back then pat was all for drag and shit  
he used to wear makeup and stuff all the time  
he even wore hoop earrings

michelle: im sorry W A T?

joseline: IM S H O O K

the bronze condom: this is patrick stump were talking about right??

brondom: yeah but then his family went away on vacation to like florida for a week  
when he came back to school he was completely different  
like back then pat was gay af and was so open about it

francine: wait really?

geralynn: hes so quick to deny it now

brondom: yeah he started denying that hes gay af  
hes still supportive and stuff but he says hes "no longer gay"  
like honey thats not how it works

geralynn: that and he suddenly cared a lot about how he looked  
like he is so against being seen in anything remotely feminine  
im surprised pete was able to convince him to wear the bow on his hat

napkin thief: boi this tea is TOO HOT  
WTF HAPPENED TO MY BOY

brondom: i cant really tell u

andrea: whyyyyyyyy

brondom: because its not my place?  
i know i can be a dick sometimes but i respect pat

napkin thief: at least tell us if he was gay af for anyone

brondom: not anyone i knew of

francine: i thought we were finally gonna get #peterickconfirmed

geralynn: we can only dream

brondom: oh  
well i mean  
i think #peterick is kinda a one sided thing

francine: im sorry W A T

andrea: is im sorry W A T the group catchphrase or??

the bronze condom: DID AND OR DOES PAT LIKE PETE

brondom: no idea  
but i think pete liked pat  
maybe still does

michelle: HOLY FUCK HFIALDAWLUIDH

geralynn: did u just eat ur phone what happened

francine: CAN WE PLAY MATCHMAKER

napkin thief: OMG YES

andrea: were not gonna do a whole courtroom thing again are we

brondom: wait wat

geralynn: oh yeah fun story  
these bitches did a courtroom thing to figure out who stabbed frank with a pencil  
and figured out that i liked frank  
and then frank read the messages  
and here we are

the bronze condom: romeo and juliet wishes it was this beautiful of a story

michelle: it is a tale our future families will hear of

napkin thief: frank btw who stabbed you with a pencil???

francine: oh i did

geralynn: i  
wait  
wat

michelle: BITCH I WAS PUT ON TRIAL FOR THAT SHIT

napkin thief: IT WAS A FAKE TRIAL STOP COPILOTiNG

brondom: yeah michelle stop copiloting

andrea: why did u stab urself with a pencil???

francine: to get out of class  
duh

the bronze condom: damn why have i never thought of that

francine: ur brain just isnt as developed as mine is

the bronze condom: but the rest of my body sure is mr five foot six

andrea: #rekt

brondom: hey so  
who the fuck is in this chat

francine: wait wait wait  
youve gone this whole time without knowing anyone  
wtf

brondom: yeah ikr?  
so who are you people  
besides gerard and frank

napkin thief: im joe trohman

andrea: andy hurley

the bronze condom: ray toro

michelle: mikey way

brondom: oml gee your brother is in here  
and he made an incest joke  
oh my gos

francine: oh my gosling

geralynn: oh my ryan gosling

the bronze condom: dude he is one sexy motherfucker

brondom: like me

napkin thief: debateable

brondom: bitch im fabulous gtfo

michelle: thats very true  
wait so  
is operation #peterick a real thing or?

andrea: of course its a real thing

>> brondom renamed the chat operation #peterick

geralynn: wait fuck we cant name it that  
go delete the messages about peterick  
petes asking to be added back in

brondom: #wellfuckmesideways

>> brondom renamed the chat i bless the rains down in africa

napkin thief: im sorry W A T

brondom: IDK IM SORRY I PANICKLED

geralynn: "panickled" same brendon same

>> napkin thief added petra and patience to the chat

petra: so i hear yall have been talking w/o us  
who got rid of us???

francine: gerard

geralynn: top 10 anime betrayals???

francine: nah jk

geralynn: i dont think u were

francine: <3

geralynn: </3

the bronze condom: aw theyre having a domestic

brondom: do u think well ever be that way ray

the bronze condom: haha nope

brondom: :( i cri

the bronze condom: but way ray tho

>> the bronze condom changed the bronze condom's name to way ray

patience: im counting 6 dqs 1 way ray 1 napkin thief and 1 brondom  
napkin thief must be joe

napkin thief: how r00d

patience: so who tf is brondom???

brondom: surprise?

napkin thief: perhaps youve met  
brondom aka the condom for bros aka the bronze condom is mr brendon urie

petra: ...for real?

brondom: hey pete  
hey pat  
hows life

patience: why is he here

francine: gerard added him by accident

geralynn: i apologize greatly

patience: you will be executed at dawn

geralynn: aw shit

andrea: dang it gerard thats the third time this week

geralynn: IM TRYING MY BEST DAD

petra: well rip

way ray: the noose is ready kiddos

napkin thief: can i bring my dairy queen to the hanging

andrea: youd rather bring ur dairy queen than bring me how dare u

napkin thief: are u dairy queeb no so shut up

andrea: :(

petra: dairy queeb

francine: queeb

michelle: Q U E E B

brondom: this is the weirdest fucking chat ive ever been in


	4. shirt on the back of the vomit

>> andrea changed francine's name to frnk

>> andrea changed geralynn's name to grrd

>> andrea changed brondom's name to brndn

>> andrea changed michelle's name to mky

>> andrea changed napkin thief's name to j

>> andrea changed way ray's name to ry

>> andrea changed petra's name to pt

>> andrea changed patience's name to ptrck

>> andrea changed andrea's name to ndy

frnk: andy wtf r u doing

j: my name is literally 1 letter

grrd: i liked geralynn :( 

mky: RAY Y DID U TAKE MY CHEETOS

ry: IM A HUNGRY BOI

mky: THEN GO BUY SOME U BROKE FUCK

grrd: wAIT MIKEY UR THE ONE WHO TOOK MY CHEETOS THIS MORNING  
U FUCKING WESTERN

mky: how dare u  
calling me a western  
do u kiss ur parents with that tongue

frnk: he kisses me with dat tongue ;)

grrd: I MEANT WEASEL U WEASELS

>> ndy renamed the chat u weasels

brndn: hey im a western  
im hurt  
how dare u ignore my kind

pt: PATRICK IS STUCK IN A BATROOM STALL

j: we have a batroom in the school?

grrd: its where batman lives

frnk: fuck u found my lair

ry: frank ur not batman

frnk: im just saying  
me and batman have never been seen in the same room  
coincidence?  
i think not

brndn: hotel?  
trivago

ndy: do you think batman uses trivago??

pt: CAN WE FOCUS ON PATEICK BEING STUCK IN A STALL PLS

frnk: im sorry whos pateick

pt: ADHAWLUDHAL

frnk: uh huh pls tell me more

pt: t(-.-t)

mky: just crawl under the stall door u dipstick

>> ry changed ptrck's name to dipstick

dipstick: way to be of use in my time of crisis

grrd: how tf did u even get locked ni a stall

dipstick: 1. mikey i tried already i cant reach the door  
2\. were on the second floor and my foot fell through the ceiling

mky: im sorry W A T

ry: oml pat HOW

brndn: oh thats whos foot is dangling thru the roof right now

frnk: ikr who woulda thunk it

dipstick: AND U GUYS NEVER THOUGHT HEY THAT PERSON COULD USE HELP

brndn: hey im trying to be a good kid and listen in class

grrd: yeah dont taint our edicashon 

mky: 'edicashon'

grrd: fu

ndy: why havent u helped him pete??

pt: i cant get in  
2 big 4 door

dipstick: pls send help  
my leg is going numb

mky: o shit  
not good

j: thanks 4 ur imput mikey  
very helpful

brndn: ok fuck this the teacher asked me to take my heels off

frnk: ur wearing heels??

grrd: HOLY SHIT THOSE ARE GORGEOUS

grrd sent an image to u weasels

pt: beautiful 10/10 tru art  
love the diamond stones

brndn: yeah so im coming 2 help u pat

dipstick: <3

mky: RAY GET UR ASS BACK HERE

ndy: oh i just so sprint by ray  
i waved and you didnt wave back :(

j: aw ray just came back in to hug andy  
precuss  
precious  
fuck

grrd: precuss

frnk: precuss

ry: p r e c u s s

j: JESUS CHRIST MIKEY GET OUT OF OYR CLASS

pt: hey  
dont use the name of jesus christ in vain u dick

ndy: 'oyr' same

j: GERADA CONTROL UR BROTHER

>> ry changed grrd's name to gerada

ndy: this is exilerating

pt: GERARD WTF

j: what did u idiots do

brndn: okay so funny story  
we got pat out of the floor  
but then pete went to take a pic of the floor and HE fell through  
and landed on the floor in our class

dipstick: thank u for saving me <3  
im on my way pete

pt: THANKS AT LEAST SOMEONE KNOWS HOW 2 BE USEFUL  
UNLIKE GERARD

mky: its ok guys i got my cheetos back

gerada: u mean my cheetos u bitch

ry: i have a black eye but were okay  
whats going on

pt: I FELL THRU THE FLOOR AND LANDED ON THE FLOOR A BIT AWAY DROM GEE AND INTEDST OF BEING JELPFUL HE TAKES A PICTURE

gerada: this moment is hilarious with the dog filter on snapchat

mky: i just inhaled my cheetos

frnk: WTF GERARD  
SEND THAT SHIT TO ME

gerada: gotta keep the world updated my pals  
oh hey pats here  
hi pat

dipstick: shush now im at work

gerada: Rude™

j: so wait  
are we okay now

dipstick: nah i think pete broke his foot

brndn: oo shit

>> brndn renamed the chat save petes foot 2k18

ndy: ill start making the flyers for the charity

j: bake sale or liverstream?

brndn: um nobody would want a liverstream

frnk: will there be liverstream at the bake sale?

j: only for u frank

ndy: liverstream makes me think of vomit tbh

brndn: ughhhh i did not need that andy

grrd: DID U JUST PUKE THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE CEILING

pt: U R SO LUCKY THAT DIDNT HIT ME U PRICK

dipstick: BUT IT HIT ME U PRICK

brndn: #oops

grrd: this is all going Downhill™ very quickly

mky: um guys  
problem

ry: wtf did u do now you popsicle

>> j changed mky's name to popsicle

popsicle: so i got locked out of class  
so im on the roof because fuck school  
and the door locked  
and im stuck on the roof

ry: karmas a bitch isnt it

dipstick: im heading to the hospital with pete  
also wtf mikey

popsicle: at least i didnt fall through the floor  
or puke through the floor

brndn: FUCK U

pt: FUCK U

popsicle: wow great coordination

j: ill come rescue u mikey

popsicle: <3

dipstick: the doctor just accused me of being drunk because of the vomit on my shirt  
which makes no sense because the shirt is on the back of my shirt

frnk: why is ur shirt on the back of ur shirt?

dipstick: what  
oh fuck  
*vomit

frnk: so the shirt is on the back of ur vomit?

>> ndy renamed the chat shirt on the back of the vomit

dipstick: they want me to test for alcohol levels

gerada: damn it pat we told u to stop drinking

dipstick: i havent drank?

ry: so mikey  
funny story  
i cant get on the roof

popsicle: y

ry: because the door handle is gone

ndy: im sorry W A T

ry: yeah wild isnt it

popsicle: oh i forgot  
i accidentally ripped off the door handle

j: how do u rip off a door handle?

popsicle: accidentally  
jeez havent u been paying attention joe

ry: so yeah ur stuck there  
lol #sorrynotsorry

popsicle: WAIT COME BACK  
PLS HELP

gerada: dude find a way to help him

ry: um y

gerada: because i will break u if u dont???

ry: noted  
okay im working on it  
brb

pt: dude so  
pat might be getting arrested?

brndn: WHAT DID HE DO

pt: this fucking doctor thinks that pat is drunk  
which is bs because pat has never drank b4

j: dang it i have b5 on my bingo card

ndy: hush joe  
the adults are talking

pt: the test came back wrong because pat took his add meds this morning  
and yeah  
so now hes being arrested for destuction of property while drunk

gerada: DUDE THATS BS  
I WILL VOUCH FOR HIM IN COURT  
AND SHOW THEM THIS CHAT AS EVIDENCE

frnk: ooh field trip to the court room

brndn: this chat and court i swear  
omg ray wait im following u this looks fun

pt: wait what the fuck r u guys going

brndn: ray has the speaking podiem from the auditorium  
hes using it as a battering ram

gerada: dude thats stupid  
but carry on

j: okay i gotta see this

ndy: were coming to help

popsicle: i feel loved

ndy: not because of u because i want to use a battering ram

popsicle: ouch my heart

frnk: o shit i can hear u guys hitting the door from down here  
O FUCK WILLIAMS IS COMING  
MISSION ABORT

gerada: GET TF OUTTA THERE

j: BRENDON JUST TOOK OFF RUNNING ACROSS THE ROOF AND LEAP OFF AND ON TO THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING NEXT TO USE WHILE YELLING THE LYRICS TO 'I BELIEVE I CAN FLY'

frnk: what an icon

pt: did he make it

j: THAT FUCKER MADE IT

brndn: IM OUTATA HERE BITCHES

>> gerada changed brndn's name to the great escape

>> the great escape changed gerada's name to hakuna gerada

hakuna gerada: <3

the great escape: <3

frnk: lets not

dipstick: GUYS THEY WANT TO PUT ME UNDER HOUSE ARREST

ndy: i always thought ray would be the first one of us to be arrested

j: well were not being arrested but were being suspended  
except brendon because he got away

popsicle: where tf ru bren

the great escape: home

ry: how tf did u get home so fast

the great escape: science my dear watson

ry: ah of course


	5. b a c k o f f m y t r a m p o l i n e <3

j: this week on The Groupchat™  
pat is under house arrest  
pete is at home with a broken foot  
me andy and ray are all at rays house getting high af  
frank and gerard are petitioning to get pat off of house arrest  
mikey is at the police station trying to convince them nobody locked him on the roof  
and nobody knows where brendon is

popsicle: i cant take my phone into the station rip  
wish me luck

pt: good luck my child

hakuna gerada: gl brethren

dipstick: why are u petitioning im on house arrest for a week?

frnk: because its not fair that ur under hose rest for something u didnt do

the great escape: 'hose rest' when ur hose makes u go to sleep lms if u relate

j: so where tf ru brendon

the great escape: that is secret information

pt: no its not hes at my house

the great escape: how dare u the goverment will be here any minute now

>> ry changed ry's name to ray of sunshine

ray of sunshine: do u think the sun ever feels lonely in space  
lik its trying to get to us but cant because space?

ndy: no  
its trying to get away but cant because space

>> ndy changed ndy's name to broken sun

frnk: if anyone is a broken sun its gerard

hakuna gerada: fact

>> the great escape removed dipstick and pt from shirt on the back of the vomit

the great escape: petes gonna fight for my phone u guys talk about operation petraefalihbw

j: sorry i dont remember operation petwdaoslnal

broken sun: no thats not right it was operation petdawudbd

ray of sunshine: pretty sure it was operation #peterick

frnk: SOMEONE didnt catch on to the joke

hakuna gerada: focus kids  
how do we get pete and pat together

ray of sunshine: lock them in a closet  
duh

hakuna gerada: NOPE  
NONE OF THAT  
NO MORE LOOKING PEOPLE IN PLACES

broken sun: well what do u want us to do to stop looking people in places  
rip out our eyes?

frnk: ill rip out ur eyes

broken sun: ill rip out ur ears

frnk: good  
then i wont have to hear yo dumb voice

j: 'yo'  
sorry didnt know we were coming from the streets

frnk: straight off the streets of philedelphia

hakuna gerada: guys we need to focus

j: u mean gay off the streets

frnk: wat

j: ur gay so you cant be straight off the streets

frnk: fuck ur right  
sorry  
im gay off the streets of philedelphia

ray of sunshine: so were u  
B) west philidephian born and raised?

frnk: yep and on a playground is where i spent most of my days

>> j changed frnk's name to fresh princt

fresh princt: how tf did u type prince wrong

j: stfu im high im not blamed for my actions

broken sun: i read that as priest

fresh princt: fresh priest of bel air

ray of sunshine: in west of the vatican born and raised in a church hall is where he spent most of his days

j: chilling out maxing praying to god while reading some bibles outside the hall

>> broken sun changed fresh princt's name to fresh priest of church

fresh priest of church: bow down before me

hakuna gerada: WILL YOU BARBERSHOPS LISTEN FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES

broken sun: how dare u insult my barbershop

ray of sunshine: also wtf barbershop as an insult im crying

>> broken sun renamed the chat gerard's barbershop

hakuna gerada: ajhwdlahwdlAWHa

fresh priest of church: im sorry i didnt catch that

hakuna gerada: t(-.-t)

fresh priest of church: im sorry babe go ahead

hakuna gerada: okay so  
i actually think we should throw a party

ray of sunshine: ooo whos birthday is it

hakuna gerada: technically no ones yet  
but franks is coming up soo  
we could use that

fresh priest of church: aw ur throwing me a party thats sweet of u <3

hakuna gerada: its both a birthday and a matchmaking party  
those two fuckers are gonna get shitfaced and all that  
then theyll confess to each other  
then #peterickconfirmed

j: patrick doesnt drink

hakuna gerada: excuse me  
i didnt ask for ur technicalities mr negative

>> ray of sunshine changed j's name to mr negative

mr negative: r00d

hakuna gerada: if he doesnt get drunk oh well  
we still get to party anyway

ray of sunshine: im in

broken sun: same

mr negative: as long as you and frank keep the sex to a minimum

fresh priest of church: are you trying to limit the fresh priest  
thats illegal in some countries mr negative

mr negative: 9_9 my apologies

hakuna gerada: okay so you guys go delete ur messages and ill add them back

>> hakuna gerada added dipstick and pt to gerard's barbershop

dipstick: why is it always us two who get removed  
are we really that bad

broken sun: yes

dipstick: :(

the great escape: i have a black eye thanks to u fuckers

>> the great escape changed the great escape's name to black eyed urie

pt: i just wanted to add myself back in  
but noooo  
someone had to be difficult

black eyed urie: difficult is my religion pete

fresh priest of church: im sorry ur religion is not welcome here

black eyed urie: my religion welcomes me everywhere

pt: someone change my name i dont want to be just letters anymore

mr negative: names are literally just letters

pt: but do they MEAN something  
no

broken sun: urban dictionary say pt stands for physical training soooo  
take that back pls

>> dipstick changed pt's name to physical training

physical training: ow why

dipstick: <3

popsicle: so the police want me to sue the school for haveing bad doors

broken sun: welcome back mikey boy  
ha  
mikey boy

popsicle: andy no

broken sun: andy yes

>> broken sun changed popsicle's name to mikey boy

mikey boy: you wound me

dipstick: so r u gonna sue the school

mikey boy: maybe idk yet

ray of sunshine: the case of mikey boy vs the school doors?

mikey boy: man names have changed like crazy since ive been gone  
i feel like its been a thousand years  
everyone has moved on without me  
where has my youth gone?

fresh priest of church: ur 16 mikey  
dont be so Dramatic™

hakuna gerada: so pat pete brendon mikey  
because you guys were so busy fighting and being in police stations and being under house arrest  
i think u should be aware that we are having a party this weekend

black eyed urie: FUCK YEAH  
IM READY TO GET SHITFACED  
AND HIGH  
AND FUCKED

mikey boy: by who exactly?

black eyed urie: whoever thinks they can handle this

dipstick: whats the party for?

hakuna gerada: franks birthday  
at my house

physical training: ill be there

mikey boy: sorry i dont have a ride

hakuna gerada: mikey u live here???

mikey boy: o shit ur right

dipstick: can i bring a friend?

physical training: is it me?

dipstick: no

physical training: ow :(

dipstick: brendon r u single?

black eyed urie: yeah y  
u wanna hook up?

dipstick: um no thanks

black eyed urie: :'(

dipstick: does the name ryan ross ring a bell?

black eyed urie: i dont know any ryan ross ring

broken sun: i legit just facepalmed

ray of sunshine: can confirmed he did indeed facepalm

mr negative: can also confirm that he did indeed facepalm

ray of sunshine: back off my trampoline

fresh prince of church: 'back off my trampoline'

mr negative: b a c k o f f m y t r a m p o l i n e <3

>> freash prince of church renamed the chat back off my trampoline

broken sun: lets try this again  
brendon do u recognize the name ryan ross?

black eyed urie: oh ye i know that guy  
y

dipstick: welllllllllll  
i hear hes into u and i wanted to play #matchmaker?

hakuna gerada: im sorry W A T

mikey boy: OMG RU FOR REALZ

physical training: ew who spells 'for reals' with a z

mikey boy: i live life on the edge my fren

black eyed urie: wait wait  
so ur saying that ryan ross might be into me??

dipstick: idk maybe

ray of sunshine: why dont we just ask him?

>> ray of sunshine added Ryan Ross to back off my trampoline

>> black eyed urie left back off my trampoline

mr negative: RAY WHAT R U DOING

ray of sunshine: gods work

fresh priest of church: sorry i didnt know we had another fresh priest

ray of sunshine: im the fresher priest  
im like febreeze

broken sun: ray hun we talked about this  
its febreze not febreeze

ray of sunshine: oh sure  
next ur gonna tell me its double stuf oreos instead of double stuff

physical training: its leviOsa not levioSA

mikey boy: NO  
THIS IS PATRICK

dipstick: i thought i was patrick?

mikey boy: how could ur mom lie to u like that allen

>> hakuna gerada changed dipstick's name to allen

allen: im sorry ryan they have the attention span of a squirrel

Ryan Ross: squirrels are cute tho

allen: thats very true

hakuna gerada: so ryan  
wanna come to a party this weekend

Ryan Ross: um for who

fresh priest of church: meee

Ryan Ross: i dont know u tho?  
are u going pat?

allen: yeah and so is brendon

broken sun: come on brendon greet the man  
brendon  
wait  
fuck hes not here

>> broken sun added black eyed urie to back off my trampoline

ray of sunshine: brendon dont be r00d  
say hello to our guest

black eyed urie: hi ryan

Ryan Ross: so ur going to this party?

black eyed urie: yeah i am

Ryan Ross: well if im invited then sure i dont see y not

ray of sunshine: WOOOOOO  
WERE GONNA GET FUCKED THIS WEEKEND

mikey boy: ur not getting fucked u single pringle

ray of sunshine: i can only dream of the day somebody sucks my dick

fresh prince of church: not in my church sir


	6. we love us a sandy dick sister

>> physical training sent an image to back off my trampoline

physical training: explain this picture in 4 words

Ryan Ross: is that from last night?

physical training: indeed my fren

ray of sunshine: 'frank stop fucking gerard'

fresh prince of church: 'ray marrying a balloon'

ray of sunshine: wow just attack poppy y dont u

fresh prince of church: u  
u named ur balloon

ray of sunshine: i didnt name my husband because you dont just name ur irl husbands  
but yeah i named my husband

mr negative: poppy is a girls name???

ray of sunshine: its short for popsicle  
duh

mikey boy: hey thats me

ray of sunshine: not anymore son

mikey boy: :(

hakuna gerada: 'patrick is a lightweight'

allen: IVE NEVER HAD A DRINK BEFORE OK?!

broken sun: 'way too much weed'

mr negative: 'not nearly enough weed'

physical training: 'my friends are potheads'

>> fresh prince of church renamed the chat my friends are potheads

physical training: brendon pat ryan  
ur turns

Ryan Ross: oh um  
sorry this number is unavailable at this time  
please call back later

mr negative: ooo secrets in the chat

mikey boy: who put my gta5 game in the toaster

hakuna gerada: does it smell like toast

mikey boy: i fucking wish  
it smells like burnt plastic

ray of sunshine: but i thought dicks were made of metal

broken sun: ...ray  
honey  
go back and read that again

ray of sunshine: IM CHOKING OML  
I MEANT DISC

hakuna gerada: i personally thought dicks were made of ice but

mr negative: nah theyre made of sand

ray of sunshine: can u imagine someone building a dick sand sculpture at the beach like  
someone kicking it down

hakuna gerada: OW WHY WOULD U DO THAT

broken sun: dont be such a wimp gerard

hakuna gerada: i will kick you in ur real dick u bitch

broken sun: come at me u wont

mr negative: hey lets defuse this now please

mikey boy: yeah we dont need to argue about dicks  
we love us a sandy dick sister

>> broken sun renamed the chat we love us a sandy dick sister

fresh priest of church: my new senior quote  
'we love us a sandy dick sister' - mikey way

mr negative: well senior quote papers are coming around sooo

broken sun: omg i will give you twenty dollars if you write that as ur senior quote

fresh priest of church: consider it done

hakuna gerada: frank honey  
please dont

fresh priest of church: but twenty dollars gee  
that could feed my son for the next few days

ray of sunshine: guys we should have a competition  
who can have the funniest senior quote

mr negative: oh im in

mikey boy: you bitches are gonna be calling me the next john mulaney

>> mikey boy changed mikey boy's name to the next john mulaney

the next john mulaney: i have power

physical training: um guys so  
i think we got distracted

hakuna gerada: whatever from?

physical training: patrick brendon and ryan describing our baller party in 4 words

fresh priest of church: omg right priorities  
and we all know ryan and patrick are here so  
spill the tea newbie

>> broken sun changed Ryan Ross's name to newbie

newbie: how r00d

fresh priest of church: SPILL  
THE  
TEA

newbie: TALK  
LIKE  
AN  
ACTUAL  
PERSON

fresh priest of church: SUCK  
MY  
DICK

hakuna gerada: UM  
THATS  
MY  
JOB

ray of sunshine: T  
M  
I  
GERARD

physical training: OML THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS

newbie: FINE  
'hooked up with brendon'  
happy now?

black eyed urie: WE PROMISED NOT TO TELL THEM YET

newbie: y wouldnt we tell them

black eyed urie: BC THESE GUYS ARE ALL PERVERTED AND STUFF

broken sun: okay true but  
dats mean :(

black eyed urie: okay okay im sorry  
'hooked up with ryan'

fresh priest of church: so are you guys a thing  
#rydenconfirmed?

newbie: #rydenconfirmed

ray of sunshine: YESSSS

>> ray of sunshine renamed the chat #RYDENCONFIRMED

allen: congrats! I'm happy for u too :)

newbie: thanks for hooking us up pat

allen: np

physical training: hey pat

allen: hi pete :)

physical training: aw that was cute  
anyways  
describe last night in 4 words

allen: dang it the smiley didnt distract u enough  
um  
'was kissed at midnight?'

ray of sunshine: boyo  
thats not crazy

the next john mulaney: wait wait wait  
wait

hakuna gerada: damn 4 waits  
important

the next john mulaney: t(-.-t)

mr negative: elaborta mikey

broken sun: eleborta nice

mr negative: thanks love <3

broken sun: <3

the next john mulaney: okay so  
u guys know how our windows have those giant ass curtains over them to keep out light?

black eyed urie: oh ye i forgot ur family is made of vampires

the next john mulaney: hey dont group me with my brother like that

hakuna gerada: i legit went outside for five minutes yesterday and my face got a sunburn

newbie: H O W

hakuna gerada: im a wizard

fresh priest of church: ur a wizard gerry

hakuna gerada: dont call me gerry

>> fresh priest of church changed hakuna gerada's name to gerry

gerry: anddddd divorce

the next john mulaney: ANYWAYS  
all the lights were off at midnight  
except the clock obviously  
soooo

physical training: so which of u kinky fucks kissed him

ray of sunshine: oooo petes getting all protective  
andy y dont u ever treat me that way

broken sun: because we arent in a relationship?

ray of sunshine: o shit ur right  
threesome?

mr negative: haha  
nah

ray of sunshine: my sunshine just died :(

black eyed urie: welp rip

physical training: pat who kissed u

allen: if i knew i would have talked to them about it already  
i dont know who did it

physical training: so who locked lips with our innocent boy

the new john mulaney: not me

gerry: not me

fresh priest of church: not me

newbie: not me

ray of sunshine: not me

broken sun: not me

mr negative: not me

black eyed urie: not me

physical training: okay what the fuck  
how is that possible

the new john mulaney: ya see y this is so interesting  
someone kissed pat  
but we dont know who it is

gerry: wait  
so ur saying that frank could have kissed pat

newbie: oo shit just got real af  
ill grab the popcorn

fresh priest of church: omg shut up newbie  
gee u know i wouldnt do that

gerry: i want to believe that u wouldnt  
but ive been hurt so many times i cant even fucking count  
please promise me that u didnt do that frank

fresh priest of church: gerard arthur way  
i will never do anything to hurt you  
i will never cheat on you in any way  
i promise you that i love you

broken sun: omg im crying in the club

physical training: its times like these where i wish i wasnt single like pringles

black eyed urie: im sorry but arthur?

gerry: shut it boyd

black eyed urie: GASP  
THIS IS A PREACH IN TRUST

allen: at least u dont have ryans name

newbie: BITCH DONT U DARE

allen: okay george

mr negative: ryan george ross  
thats trippy af

allen: no ryan is his middle name  
george is the first name

the new john mulaney: pause  
george ryan ross?

allen: george ryan ross THE THIRD

broken sun: OML

>> broken sun changed newbie's name to george ryan ross iii

physical training: OMG RYAN WERE THIRD BUDDIES  
PETE WENTZ III BOIS

ray of sunshine: no no no  
finish that name now  
they need to hear the rest

mr negative: ye boi  
give us that Grand Reveal™

physical training: i suddenly cant remember anything  
who r u people again?

gerry: the name is bond  
james bond

fresh priest of church: i thought ur name was gerard?

gerry: lies  
it was all a lie

fresh priest of church: wow much betrayal

ray of sunshine: so back to petes name

physical training: DONT U DARE

george ryan ross iii: DONT KEEP ME IN SUSPENSE

ray of sunshine: peter lewis kingston wentz III

physical training: HFAWHD NO THANK U 2 U SIR

>> physical training removed ray of sunshine from we love us a sandy dick sister 

allen: IM SORRY BUT  
LEWIS KINGSTON

physical training: SHUT UP PATRICK MARTIN STUMPH

allen: U PROMISED U WOULDNT TELL ANYONE

black eyed urie: wait hold on  
i thought it was patrick vaughn stump

fresh priest of church: ooooo drama

allen: oh  
well  
i might have changed my name last year

mr negative: im sorry W A T

the next john mulaney: theres the im sorry W A T  
we havent had one recently

broken sun: ikr it felt weird without one

fresh priest of church: patrick martin stumph

allen: yeah

gerry: y did u change ur name

allen: didnt like it

black eyed urie: so i can just go and change my name to anything i want  
like beebo?

the next john mulaney: wtf is a beebo

black eyed urie: idk someone called me that yesterday and i was like YAS

>> george ryan ross iii changed black eyed urie's name to beebo

beebo: my dreams have all come true <3

george ryan ross iii: <3  
so pat  
is it patrick martin stumph or patrick vaughn stump that u go by

allen: patrick vaughn stump  
and i would prefer it if u didnt call me by my original name

george ryan ross iii: k thanks

>> fresh priest of church removed allen from we love us a sandy dick sister

fresh priest of church: oml guys

physical training: y u get rid of pat

fresh priest of church: because i know who patrick martin stumph is

gerry: well no duh  
its pat

fresh priest of church: but theres more to it than that

broken sun: there cant be that much more to him  
hes five foot five

mr negative: pppPPPssshhh

fresh priest of church: FOCUS CHILDREN

beebo: they may not be listening but im listening frank

fresh priest of church: aw thanks pal <3

beebo: <3

gerry: hey  
lets not

george ryan ross iii: so tell us more pls?

fresh priest of church: have u guys ever heard of the stumph case that took place like five years ago?

mr negative: um no

the next john mulaney: um no

mr negative: aw look were twins

the next john mulaney: thats adorable

broken sun: what was the stumph case?

fresh priest of church: it was an abuse case  
an abusive family abandoned their son five years back and nobody has heard from him since  
hes been declared dead

george ryan ross iii: are u serious

mr negative: thats #spooky dude

george ryan ross iii: thats horrifying

the next john mulaney: hold on a minute  
if patrick said his name was patrick martin stumph...  
and patrick martin stumph has been missing for five years with no family or anything...  
and is declared dead...

broken sun: o holy shit

gerry: then who have we been talking too this whole time?


	7. Stumph to Stump: A Peterick Love Story

>> broken sun added ray of sunshine to we love us a sandy dick sister

>> broken sun changed ray of sunshine's name to rayman

rayman: 7/10 good game series  
why was i just now added back

fresh priest of church: go back and read the chat

broken sun: someone give me a new name  
something less emo

>> gerry changed broken sun's name to less emo

gerry: better?

less emo: 4/10 like the literal approach

the new john mulaney: does anyone want to join me on the roof

mr negative: i thought u were scared of the roof

the new john mulaney: wat no  
they took the doors off the roof like fucking idiots  
this place just became nine times easier to rob

less emo: thats an oddly specific number

the new john mulaney: ten was too predictable  
gotta keep u kids on ur feet

george ryan ross iii: but were literally sitting in class

the new john mulaney: did i ask for ur logic

george ryan ross iii: so this is weird as fuck  
brendon is usually all crazy in class and literally bouncing off the walls

fresh priest of church: yes ive seen the shoe markings in mr walkers room

george ryan ross iii: but hes like all calm and shit  
like i told him to come talk in the group chat  
he read the chat then shut off his phone completely  
he looks tired as shit

mr negative: oo #notgood

rayman: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK  
THATS CREEPY SHIT MAN

less emo: i see youve been updated

rayman: HAVE ANY OF U SEEN PAT TODAY

the new john mulaney: none of us have seen him  
ask pete

rayman: PETE  
PETE  
@PETE  
@PHYSICAL TRAINING  
@PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ III

physical training: omg wtf do u want  
and dont call me by my full name

rayman: ur like pats bestie right

physical training: yeah y

rayman: are him and this whole a bus case related???

physical training: what bus case

gerry: wouldnt it be wild to see a bus robbing a bank or something?

the new john mulaney: maybe the bus will rob the school  
do you think it can fit through the school doors?

less emo: idk we should test that

mr negative: i can get the bus

george ryan ross iii: where tf r u gonna get a bus joe

mr negative: from the bus stop  
duh

fresh priest of church: but  
but thats where u pick up kids  
not buses

mr negative: thats not how it works here in america frank

fresh priest of church: sorry i guess they only do that here in italy

rayman: so pete  
about this case

less emo: sorry but y italy

fresh priest of church: because pizza is italian  
u r what u eat  
i eat pizza  
i am pizza  
i am italian

gerry: ...im not even going to try and figure out ur line of thinking

physical training: franklin the italian

>> fresh priest of church changed fresh priest of church's name to franklin the italian

george ryan ross iii: nooo our fresh priest

franklin the italian: its okay hell be back one day  
icons always return

rayman: WILL U FUCKING WHISKS STFU

>> george ryan ross iii renamed the chat fucking whisks

george ryan ross iii: sorry proceed

rayman: what do u know about the patrick martin stumph case

physical training: five years ago a kid was being abused by his parents  
he ran away and they never found him  
why

the new john mulaney: so u dont find it even a little strange that pat and this missing kid share the same name and live in the same town

physical training: its none of my business

mr negative: DUDE  
HES DECLARED DEAD  
I WOULD THINK U WOULD ASK ABOUT THAT

physical training: guys fr  
would u want to talk about the abusive family u ran away from

franklin the italian: ...  
he has a point

gerry: point or no point this is something important  
how is he going to get through life if he cant give an address or they search his name and find patrick martin stumph  
theyll arrest him for identity theft or faking his death or some shit

physical training: and thats not my problem

>> physical training has left fucking whisks

less emo: well that was uncalled for

the new john mulaney: he knows something

mr negative: does he really tho?  
hes kinda being a bitch

the new john mulaney: but pete cares about pat as if pete is his husband  
you know #peterick and all that  
if pat were in trouble like this pete wouldnt dismiss it so fast

rayman: so hes in on this???

franklin the italian: guys this is like a weird movie plot

less emo: Stumph to Stump: A Peterick Love Story

franklin the italian: oo i likey like mikey

the new john mulaney: dont drag me into ur likings

>> franklin the italian renamed the chat Stumph to Stump: A Peterick Love Story

>> george ryan ross iii removed beebo from Stumph to Stump: A Peterick Love Story

george ryan ross iii: hey guys  
i think brendon might know something too

gerry: oh there u r we missed u george

george ryan ross iii: t(-.-t) anyways  
i asked brendon y he turned off his phone and he said its because the battery was dying  
he just got up to use the bathroom and i turned it back on for a sec  
its at 97%

less emo: is he one of those battery crazy people  
like his phones at 90% and he has a heart attack

mr negative: heart attacc*

less emo: oh my bad

george ryan ross: no he isnt like that  
think about it  
him and pete havent said anything the whole time weve been talking about this  
we start talking about it today and he shuts off his phone

rayman: ok thats a little Sketchy™

franklin the italian: so what do we do now

the new john mulaney: you can join me on the roof

mr negative: y

the new john mulaney: im on the roof of the abandoned building next door

mr negative: did you jump across the building brendon did???

the new john mulaney: yee  
it's not that far of a jump tbh

rayman: did u sing i believe i can fly like brendon did??

the new john mulaney: wat no  
anyways someone left a cooler up here on the roof with drinks  
you guys should come join me

less emo: why would we want abandoned roof drinks

the new john mulaney: theres dr pepper in here

rayman: i just saw andy go sprinting by  
and frank  
and ryan  
u know what fuck it im coming

franklin the italian: should we add pat back in  
i mean petes all upset at us sooo

gerry: okay wait  
i have an idea  
we all need to delete the messages about the whole pat martin stumph thing  
then let me work on him

george ryan ross iii: did u have to make that sound sexual

gerry: its only sexual bc u made it sexual  
someone rename that chat  
actually  
anyone but frank rename the chat

franklin the italian: gasp  
r00d

>> rayman renamed the chat #ripchesterbennington

george ryan ross iii: WHY THE FUCK WOULD U DO THAT

less emo: i cri just thinking about it  
you sick fuck

>> gerry added allen to #ripchesterbennington

gerry: hey patrick

allen: which of you sick fucks named the chat that

rayman: um  
hi

>> allen removed rayman from #ripchesterbennington

allen: he can come back when he learns to respect chester

less emo: hey that's my bff u dick

>> less emo added rayman to #ripchesterbennington

mr negative: thank u  
it was a dark time without bff ray here

rayman: aw I feel loved <3

the new john mulaney: yo patrick wanna join us on the roof

allen: um why?

the new john mulaney: i jumped across to the abandoned building next door and now a bunch of us are up here drinking dr pepper

allen: sure i have study hall right now

gerry: also patrick  
are u mad at us?

allen: why would I be mad?

gerry: u know  
about the whole name thing?

allen: oh thats it?  
no of course im not mad about that

gerry: really?

allen: i mean  
being called pat bothers me because its my moms name  
but its not like i get mad at people about that

gerry: wat  
wait  
wat

franklin the italian: u hate being called pat?

rayman: dude wtf y am i now just hearing this

allen: because its not that big a deal  
like  
its a name  
but thatd be like calling mikey michael

the new john mulaney: yeah id stab a bitch or two

less emo: u learn something new every day

allen: wait  
what were YOU talking about with names gerard?

gerry: nothing

allen: but you sounded surprised

gerry: no i didnt

mr negative: ffs gerard  
its about the whole real name thing  
patrick martin stumph

allen: oh  
um  
id prefer if we didnt talk about that

gerry: i mean so do i but  
im just curious about some things  
can i ask them?

allen: sure  
but i cant say for sure that ill answer them

gerry: thats fine  
whats ur moms name?

allen: ummm why? 

george ryan ross iii: oh because u said that pat is ur moms name  
curious

allen: oh  
patricia

the new john mulaney: wait were u named after ur mom

allen: i think so

less emo: thats dope

franklin the italian: please dont ever say dope again

less emo: d o p e

franklin the italian: 0o0 how dare u

gerry: okay so im curious  
you went from martin to vaughn  
what the heck kinda change is that

allen: that was my moms name before she married my dad  
patricia vaughn

rayman: your dads name was stump  
was his first name tree

allen: obviously  
old father tree stump  
but for real my dads name is david

gerry: thats not as exciting as tree stump but ill take it  
david stumph

less emo: im sorry but old father tree stump

mr negative: does that make patrick young little tree stump

allen: wow just make fun of my height

>> mr negative changed allen's name to young little tree stump

young little tree stump: im wounded

the new john mulaney: hey patrick i see you  
come across

young little tree stump: you didnt tell me id have to jump across to get there

the new john mulaney: what did u think i did got a limo to bring us over

young little tree stump: no but planks of wood are a thing  
build a bridge

the new john mulaney: im not a bridger

franklin the italian: your  
wait  
what the fuck is a bridger

rayman: someone who builds bridges  
come on frank try to keep up

george ryan ross iii: can someone change my name  
i hate looking at it

>> less emo changed george ryan ross iii's name to keep tryan

keep tryan: i appricate this name more than u will ever know andy

young little tree stump: i agree with this name change thing  
i accidentally introduced myself to my music teacher as allen

the new john mulaney: well rup

gerry: what the fuck is rup

franklin the italian: rest us people  
obviously

keep tryan: ring us please

less emo: really underwhelming penguins

rayman: rinse ur pies

young little tree stump: red unicorn parkas

gerry: rinsing unworn panties

mr negative: right under penises

the new john mulaney: and thats done now

>> rayman renamed the chat right under penises

mr negative: god damn it ray

rayman: <3


	8. my lips are sealed

>> Gerard Way added Mikey Way and Frank Iero to the chat

Gerard Way: i need ur help

Mikey Way: what up

Frank Iero: r u ok babe?

Gerard Way: yeah i just need someone to help me with this plan i have

Mikey Way: tell us the plan before i choose to do anything stupid

Gerard Way: so its about this whole patrick thing  
we need to add brendon and pete back to the main chat firstly  
after that i need one of u to look up patricia vaughn and david stumph to see if theyre the parents involved in the abuse case  
then we need to find out where patrick lives

Frank Iero: why?

Gerard Way: bc it hit me  
if patrick martin stumph is declared dead then where tf is patrick vaughn stump living?  
its not like he can buy a house or anything

Mikey Way: do u think hes homeless?

Gerard Way: maybe  
idk thats like worst case scenario  
i just want to make sure hes ok

Frank Iero: ok and if he is  
what about pete and brendon  
pete obviously knows shit  
and brendon im not sure about but ryan seems sure

Mikey Way: um actually i think brendon knows exactly what happened

Gerard Way: y????

Mikey Way: brendon said that patrick went with his family to florida in middle school and then completely changed  
five years ago patrick stumph ran away and was never found  
if u go back five years in our patricks life u get 8 grade

Gerard Way: so u think something happened on that trip

Mikey Way: brendon said it himself  
something DEFINITELY happened on that trip  
and it was enough to make him run away

Frank Iero: oh shit  
we need to know some stuff  
like patrick is smart as shit and we know it  
like did he change his appearance at all or anything

Gerard Way: so heres what well do  
one of us will look up patricia and david and then maybe talk with patrick  
one of us will talk with pete  
and one of us will talk with brendon

Frank Iero: i can talk with brendon

Mikey Way: and i can talk with pete while u do the research

Gerard Way: got it  
we cant tell the others about this either  
those stupid fucks dont know how to keep a secret to save their lives

Frank Iero: fr  
ok   
this stays between us

Mikey Way: my lips are sealed

Gerard Way: okay gl guys  
PLEASE be careful how u word things  
act casual when ur asking them stuff

Frank Iero: k babe

Mikey Way: hopefully this all works

>> Gerard Way left the chat

Frank Iero: do u think this is gonna work?

Mikey Way: not in the slightest

Frank Iero: wait really  
y r u helping then???

Mikey Way: bc gee has a big heart  
hes good at these kinds of things  
im not sure if this particular plan is gonna work but ill help however i can

Frank Iero: im glad that we have him helping us

Mikey Way: im glad that he wants to help patrick  
u have a good bf frank

Frank Iero: r u only saying that bc hes ur brother

Mikey Way: yes

>> Mikey Way has left the chat

>> Frank Iero has left the chat


	9. its not a jacket its an elifent

the new john mulaney: can someone change my name  
i dont want to be john mulaney anymore

franklin the italian: who the fuck doesnt want to be john mulaney

gerry: im sorry mikey but were no longer related

rayman: guys i think joe needs psychological help like my god

mr negative: its the truth ray  
u cant argue against the truth

less emo: its not the truth  
its just a horrible way of describing it

keep tryan: what r u guys arguing about

mr negative: ray is being the worst person right now

rayman: its not that bad!  
and come on its hella true!

young little tree stump: what did he say

less emo: tell them what u said raymond

rayman: okay 1. fuck u for calling me raymond andy  
and 2. i said that porn is just videos of specific people doing their job

franklin the italian: ...thats so fucking true

mr negative: DONT ENCOURAGE HIM FRANK

the new john mulaney: sooo  
someone change my name?

>> young little tree stump changed the new john mulaney's name to porn is a job

porn is a job: OMG FUCK U PATRICK

young little tree stump: just gotta get that psa out there mikey  
sorry

gerry: mikey id like to donate to ur cause

porn is a job: we only accept cash  
no less than ten

gerry: i have a bag of potato chips

porn is a job: good enough  
im coming to get them

young little tree stump: hey so where tf are brendon and pete  
i havent heard from them in the chat

keep tryan: oh um  
they left  
dont remember y tho

young little tree stump: ah i see  
well then

>> young little tree stump added physical training and beebo to right under penises

beebo: hi folks

physical training: ah there u are patrick  
r u feeling better?

young little tree stump: yeah im fine

less emo: wait what was wrong with patrick?

young little tree stump: i was just sick these past few days  
had a cold

porn is a job: oh yeah u looked like shit when i saw u

young little tree stump: wow dont try to save my feelings or anything

porn is a job: says the guy who named me 'porn is a job'

rayman: bc it is

mr negative: OMG WE R NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSION

franklin the italian: conversion??  
u mean conversation??

mr negative: fuck

gerry: yeah guys were not having this conversion

keep tryan: whats a conversion

beebo: its when u convince someone to change religions

physical training: umm not really  
its when u convert something into something else

beebo: yeah but with my definition it sounds like were trying to convert joe into believing that porn is a religion

less emo: but porn isnt a religion  
porn is a lifestyle

franklin the italian: hey now  
i am a very dedicated follower of pornism

gerry: wow ok  
i see how important porn is to u

rayman: see i started a religion  
r u proud of me dad?

mr negative: no were just surrounded by idiots

less emo: fact

porn is a job: does this mean im like the porn god or something

>> rayman changed porn is a job's name to porn god

beebo: UM GUYS  
SITUATION

keep tryan: whats up babe?

beebo: SO ME AND PAT ARE IN MR SANDMANS CLASS AND HE SAW PAT ON HIS PHONE SO HES MAKING PAT GO UP AND READ IT TO THE CLASS

gerry: OH SHIT  
ABORT MISSION

franklin the italian: actually its mission abort  
not abort mission

physical training: mission abortion

keep tryan: hey thats a touchy subject there  
but not touchy enough for a name change

>> keep tryan renamed the chat mission abortion

beebo: OMG HES ACTUALLY READING THE CHAT  
IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT

physical training: im gonna save his soul

mr negative: pete just got up and walked out of class  
ooo boy

rayman: umm follow him?

mr negative: umm y dont u ur in our class too??

rayman: umm because im trying to listen to mr rose???

mr negative: umm i see u playing skribblio on ur computer????  
and thats a terrible picture of a jacket?????

rayman: its not a jacket its an elifent

less emo: im sorry repeat that  
what r u drawing?

rayman: an elifent

franklin the italian: what the fuck is an elifent?

rayman: u know elifent  
the animals with the trunks and tusks?

gerry: IM LITERALLY CRYING

keep tryan: omg gee just got kicked out of class rip  
his eyeliner is running down his face XD

porn god: ray honey  
try spelling it again  
because that was so fucking incorrect

rayman: elifant  
ellifint  
ellafant  
ellofont  
allifante

less emo: ALLIFANTE?

rayman: SHUT UP I DONT KNOW HOW TO SPELL

mr negative: THE WORD IS LITERALLY ON THE SCREEN U FUCKING DIPSHIT

rayman: ...  
ohhhhhh  
elephant :)

>> franklin the italian changed rayman's name to allifante

allifante: its not nice to make fun of the weak frank

franklin the italian: but its pretty fun to do

porn god: i cant wait to see 50 shades of elifant in theaters

gerry: okay i fixed my face so i dont look like a sad mime

>> allifante changed gerry's name to sad mime

sad mime: what did i ever do to u??

allifante: sorry im salty

keep tryan: omg 50 shades of elifant xD

>> keep tryan renamed the chat 50 shades of elifant™

porn god: Y IS THE FIRE ALARM GOING OFF

franklin the italian: ITS FUCKING POURING OUT WHAT THE SHIT

sad mime: pray for my eyeliner

young little tree stump: holy fuck that was mortifying

beebo: hey guys  
so good news  
nobody had to hear any porn related stuff in the chat because patrick went back up and read from yesterday  
because mr sandman is a fucking idiot  
also frank people are calling u dope

franklin the italian: tell them to fuck off

less emo: dopeeeee

franklin the italian: stahp pls

>> mr negative changed franklin the italian's name to dope

>> dope removed mr negative from 50 shades of elifant™

dope: he can come back when he learns to respect me

sad mime: dont be so Dramatic™ frank

>> sad mime added mr negative to 50 shades of elifant™

mr negative: thank u gerard <3

less emo: ytf r we having a fire drill does the school fucking hate us

allifante: correct gold star

less emo: :)

physical training: did it work??

young little tree stump: oh hi pete :)

porn god: did wat work

physical training: so i didnt know what to do to help patrick so i panicked and pulled the fire alarm  
whoops

beebo: THAT WAS U?!?!

physical training: ye i gotta save my boy patrick

young little tree stump: aw thanks pal :)

less emo: man what a savage

>> less emo changed physical training's name to savage pete

allifante: Y DIDNT U JUST RUN INTO HIS CLASS OR SOMETHING ITS FUCKING DOWNPOURING OUT HERE

sad mime: OMG YOU FUCKING BITCH

dope: oh lord  
pete pray that ur on the opposite side of the school

keep tryan: lets be real  
thats probably not gonna stop him

porn god: its definitely not going to  
i just saw him run by me with black running down his face  
holy fuck thats scary as shit

young little tree stump: ummmmm pete run???

savage pete: imma just yeet my way outta here  
YEET

beebo: WGAT RHR FYCK STR YO UDOONG YUI IDIPT

allifante: tag urself im FYCK

less emo: UDOONG

sad mime: im IDIPT

keep tryan: babe what happen r u ok?

beebo: Not really. Pete jumped down the stairs like a fucking idiot and landed on me at the bottom. I can't feel my leg.

porn god: PROPER GRAMMAR  
KILL IT

>> porn god removed beebo from 50 shades of elifant™

mr negative: DUDE WHAT R U DOING HES BROKEN

>> mr negative added beebo to 50 shades of elifant™

allifante: y is ur grammar so Perfect™ brendon??

beebo: My phone screen is cracked and the keyboard is fucked up. I'm using text to speech. Hi this is Pete and I might have broken Brendon. Pete knock it off. I'm going to take Brendon to the hospital. No, you're not. What are you talking about Brendon? I can drive you. No you can't. You don't have your license. I'm willing to overlook that technicality. Mr. Wentz, do you want to explain what happened? I'd rather not if it's all the same to you, Mr. Benzedrine. Wentz, office, now. Mr. Urie, we'll be taking you to the emergency room. Can you feel anything? Yeah, I'm fine. It's just my leg. I can't really feel it. I don't need the emergency room.

less emo: this is exhilerating  
im on the edge of my seat

young little tree stump: do u think hell be okay

dope: im sure hell be okay  
ill go with them just in case if that will make u feel better patrick

young little tree stump: yes please

porn god: yo pete u want me to pm u or something to keep u company?  
the staff wont let us in the fucking building cuase they wanna find who pulled the alarm  
which like im cool with not going in bc fuck school

savage pete: yes pls  
btw im fine in case u were worried  
bc clearly u guys were worried

young little tree stump: please just dont throw yourself down any more staircases

savage pete: no promises ;)


	10. before i continue PLEASE dont make any jokes about gerard being on his period

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of past drug abuse

>> Mikey Way added Pete Wentz to the chat

Mikey Way: hows the office life treating u??

Pete Wentz: pretty boring  
like there arent even chairs here except for the visitor reserved ones  
which is total bs btw  
im visiting the office so wtf

Mikey Way: this school is literally the worst  
we have no fucking budget

Pete Wentz: is gee still out for blood

Mikey Way: no he couldnt get back in the school so he had to use a car mirror to fix his makeup  
which is pathetic af but it was also funny bc the car owner was trying to leave the parking lot  
and hit gerard in the face with the mirror

Pete Wentz: y does all the fun stuff happen when im in the office

Mikey Way: fr  
hey do u mind if i ask u something

Pete Wentz: i dont mind  
whats up

Mikey Way: y tf did u pull the fire alarm

Pete Wentz: to help patrick  
duh

Mikey Way: yeah but WHY  
u could get arrested for that u know  
if they find out it was u  
so y did u do that instead of just going into his class like most people do

Pete Wentz: bc me running in would just get me kicked out and he would have to keep reading  
i didnt want him to have to get all embarrassed  
he doesnt deserve that

Mikey Way: what do u mean??

Pete Wentz: patrick literally does nothing to hurt us but has to go through hell every fucking day  
its not fair u know?  
we all do stupid shit and break school doors and break holes into ceilings  
then patrick gets arrested for doing nothing but helping me when my foot broke  
thats not fucking cool

Mikey Way: ikr  
he doesnt deserve to be hurt ever

Pete Wentz: exactly

Mikey Way: hey can u help me out?

Pete Wentz: what with

Mikey Way: patrick invited me over tonight but didnt tell me the address  
idk where he is in the school yard and his phone is dead according to gerard  
do u know his address?

Pete Wentz: um  
i would tell u but i dont think patrick would like me giving out his address to people

Mikey Way: but im literally going to hang out with him tonight??

Pete Wentz: im sorry  
he asked us not to tell anyone  
gotta respect his privacy

Mikey Way: us?  
whos us?

>> Pete Wentz has left the chat

>> Mikey Way added Pete Wentz to the chat

>> Pete Wentz has left the chat

>> Mikey Way added Pete Wentz to the chat

>> Mikey Way changed the chat settings

Pete Wentz: wtf do u want mikey

Mikey Way: dude calm tf down  
im just curious

Pete Wentz: this is alot for just curiousity  
wtf is going on

Mikey Way: ok fine  
listen  
i know that patrick is homeless

Pete Wentz: how do u know that

Mikey Way: bc i did research on the case from 5 years ago  
hes declared dead pete  
theres no way he was able to find a house  
he would have been reported otherwise  
then there would be foster records or recent abuse files

Pete Wentz: i forgot that ur smart

Mikey Way: im offended  
listen i dont want anything bad to happen to patrick  
i love patrick just as much as the rest of the group does  
hes like a little brother to me  
but if hes homeless at age seventeen thats not good  
he wont be able to get a job without giving an address

Pete Wentz: i know u mean well but i just cant tell u anything  
i dont want to betray his trust

Mikey Way: pete listen to me  
sometimes u have to betray the trust of the people u care about because it will help them  
did u know that gerard used to be a drug addict?

Pete Wentz: wat  
really?

Mikey Way: xanax  
he has really bad anxiety sometimes and he started taking tons of his meds  
i caught him doing it and he made me promise not to tell  
but one day i was doing laundry and found a pair of underwear with blood in them  
before i continue PLEASE dont make any jokes about gerard being on his period  
when he fell asleep that night he could barely breathe  
i called an ambulance and they took him to the hospital  
he had been overdosing and it was eating away at his insides

Pete Wentz: wow  
thats  
wow  
im so sorry mikey

Mikey Way: now hes clean and has been for over a year now  
the point is sometimes if u want to help someone u love u HAVE to betray their trust  
bc if u dont it could kill them  
u cant keep a promise if theyre going die from the promise itself pete

Pete Wentz: u promise all u want to do is help him  
u wont like call foster or anything like that

Mikey Way: of course i wont call them  
i dont want to lose patrick either pete but i want him to be safe  
i would never let anyone take him away from us

Pete Wentz: i dont want to lose him again  
when he was away in florida it felt like hell  
i thought his parents would kill him and leave his body there

Mikey Way: wait  
so its true??  
patrick was abused by his parents??

Pete Wentz: yes  
its true

Mikey Way: omg  
how long

Pete Wentz: i dont know  
i knew it when we met in middle school  
i used to see the bruises on his arms and he finally told me

Mikey Way: christ  
okay so who is the us u mentioned before?

Pete Wentz: us is me and brendon

Mikey Way: brendon knows???

Pete Wentz: yeah  
shit man im sorry  
i shouldnt have been such a dick to u guys when u asked about patrick  
hes not doing well

Mikey Way: whats wrong

Pete Wentz: hes getting sick more and more frequently  
its not good  
and he cant afford to buy medicine  
im worried that he could die from all this sickness

Mikey Way: fuck  
ok look  
lets not talk about this until we have to  
i dont want everyone to blow this up any more than u do  
but as ur friend i will have to do something  
i hope u realize that

Pete Wentz: i do  
just please dont tell him i was the one who told u  
say u figured it out on ur own

Mikey Way: y?

Pete Wentz: bc i dont want to ever betray patrick  
hes been hurt so many times before  
i dont want to ever hurt him  
he doesent deserve this mikey

Mikey Way: ...  
u really like him dont u pete

Pete Wentz: ive always liked him mikey  
but it took me until high school to realize that i love him  
now isnt the time to tell him that though  
not with everything hes dealing with

Mikey Way: wait  
wait  
omg  
ur the one who kissed him at franks party  
u asked us who did it because u didnt want us to suspect u  
u took patricks first kiss

Pete Wentz: of course i feel bad for lying and not asking him first  
everyday i wake up and worry that hell figure out it was me  
but at the same time i don't regret it  
in fact if we could go back to that night i would do it again  
i just want patrick to be happy even if its not with me ok  
he deserves some happiness after all hes been through

Mikey Way: thats the sweetest thing ive ever heard u say  
#peterick?

Pete Wentz: wat

Mikey Way: anyways  
i just want u to know  
gerard is talking to patrick about this  
frank is talking to brendon  
it was gerards idea to do this bc were all worried about patrick  
were not going to do anything unless u him or brendon tell us to  
ok?

Pete Wentz: yes  
thank u for caring mikey

Mikey Way: thank u for telling me all of this pete  
dont worry were going to help him  
i promise

Pete Wentz: i dont even know what to say right now  
ive been wanting to help him for years now  
i cant really do much if he wont help himself  
but hes so afraid of his family finding him again that he wont go to anyone  
i wish he would understand that we want to protect him

Mikey Way: but its like u said before  
would u want to talk about the family that abused u?

Pete Wentz: ur right  
so ur going to help him?

Mikey Way: of course we will  
we just need time ok?  
for now just be there for him  
be his best friend and dont let him do anything stupid

Pete Wentz: i will  
thank u mikey

Mikey Way: u dont have to thank me  
i know u guys would do the same thing if it were me

Pete Wentz: principal is calling me in  
can u drive me home after all this?  
cause u know no license  
and itd be nice to talk to u about all this irl

Mikey Way: i gotchu

Pete Wentz: :) ty  
later

Mikey Way: :)

>> Mikey Way changed the chat settings

>> Mikey Way has left the chat

>> Pete Wentz has left the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this all got a little deep. I tend to fall down rabbit holes with stuff like this. There are more plot points in the making for this story, and most of them hit some dark corners. I hope that y'all will still be around to see them come into light. Thank you guys for all of the love and support, and I can't wait to post the next chapter <3


	11. please tell me thats not what i think it was

>> Frank Iero added Brendon Urie to the chat

Frank Iero: hey so i know ur keyboard is broken and u cant respond with benzedrine with u  
i dont want u to try and reply just read what i am writing to u  
try not to react irl  
i hope ur leg is ok and that pete didnt fuck it up too bad  
im going to be meeting u at the hospital because 1 patrick wants some reassurence that ur ok  
and 2 me and u need to have a seriously talk  
i was asked not to be so direct about this but i dont see an option right now  
and i feel like youll be more willing to talk then the others  
i know something is going on with patrick  
im not sure exactly what but i know its bad  
i know that patrick was abused in the past and now has nowhere to go  
and that he doesnt want to ask us for help but i think we need to help him otherwise he could eventually end up in a worse place  
i know u dont want that to happen and i know u want to protect him  
so i want to talk to u about how we can do that  
btw this was gees idea and the only other people who are helping with this are me and mikey  
we arent planning on telling the others unless u guys say we can  
were not going to call the police or foster care or anything like that  
we just want to help patrick  
when ur able to call me and tell me where u r in the hospital

>> Brendon Urie is calling the chat

>> Frank Iero has joined the call

>> Call ended 0:26

Frank Iero: brendon  
what the fuck was that  
please tell me thats not what i think it was

>> Frank Iero is calling the chat

>> Call missed

Frank Iero: fucking hell  
ok  
we have two things we need to talk about  
and u bet ur ass im gonna be the one watching over u while u heal  
im on my way  
just try to hold on  
im begging u

>> Frank Iero has shut down the chat


	12. hey if anything im the balls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well RIP everyone

>> Gerard Way has added Patrick Stump to the chat

Gerard Way: wtf ru?

Patrick Stump: im waiting by the entrance  
is your face okay?  
i saw you get hit by the car mirror

Gerard Way: im fine but jesus he could have waited  
he could clearly see me too so wtf

Patrick Stump: so he just hates you okay

Gerard Way: nah he looked in a hurry dont blame  
but now theres this fat ass line of eyeliner going across m yface  
so #wellfuckmesideways

Patrick Stump: ill see you in front of the school

Gerard Way: oo wait wait  
wait

Patrick Stump: damn 3 waits  
important

Gerard Way: just give me a sec

>> Gerard Way removed Patrick Stump from the chat

>> Gerard Way added Mikey Way and Frank Iero to the chat

Gerard Way: hi kiddoes

Mikey Way: hi dad

Gerard Way: im not your dad

Frank Iero: daddy ;)

Mikey Way: i quit

Frank Iero: also brendon says hi  
hi its brendon and im in pain end my suffering  
its frank again sorry brendon is just being Dramatic™

Gerard Way: so kids  
what did u find out about The Case™?

Mikey Way: so pete gave in and told me some stuff  
when patrick went to florida in like eighth grade pete thot patricks parents would kill him  
and apparently patrick is actually homeless  
and petes worried about patricks health bc patrick has been getting sicker and sicker recently

Gerard Way: oo shit  
r u fucking serious?

Frank Iero: hi its brendon did u really spell thought as thot  
u fucking thot

Mikey Way: bitch ill fight u  
hospitalized or not

>> Frank Iero changed Mikey Way's name to thot

thot: i will curb stomp u i stg

Frank Iero: lets go

Gerard Way: omg brendon tell us wtf u know  
were in a time of crisis

Frank Iero: ok ok  
so his parents hated that he was gay so they would beat him and tried to baptized him and all that  
it honestly was fucking sick  
i remember he came into school wearing a necklace with a cross once  
like his parents are actually insane about it

thot: oh fuck  
was it really that bad??

Frank Iero: yeah like when his family went to florida that one week it was bad  
me and him would msg each other and he was going crazier and crazier with his fam  
it got to the point where he was considering suicide

Gerard Way: shit  
fr?

thot: imagining patrick wanting to commiting suicide is almost impossible  
it actually hurts

Gerard Way: i know the feeling of wanting to kill urself  
its horrible and makes u feel empty  
thinking of patrick feeling that way makes me want to cry  
shit man

Frank Iero: when he came back from florida he was out of school for a few days healing from bruises his dad gave him  
he came back for three days before disappearing  
that was when he was declared dead by the authorities

thot: so what happened that made him disappear?

Frank Iero: no idea  
maybe pete knows

>> Frank Iero added Pete Wentz to the chat

Pete Wentz: im sensing trouble  
and i see whos in the chat  
this is about patrick isnt it

Frank Iero: hi pete its brendon  
im borrowing franks phone at the hosptial

Pete Wentz: whats a hosptial

Frank Iero: i meant hospital u dick

Pete Wentz: hey if anything im the balls

Gerard Way: getting back on topic pls???

Frank Iero: o shit right

Pete Wentz: btw im sorry about landing on u in school

Frank Iero: its cool man  
gives me time to ditch school so yeet

thot: GETTING BACK ON TOPIC PLS  
PATRICK IS MESSAGING ME ASKING IF GEE IS OKAY

Gerard Way: y

thot: bc u added him to a chat said to give u a sec then left?  
idk

Gerard Way: o fuck i gorft

Pete Wentz: i hate when i gorft

Gerard Way: fuck off

Pete Wentz: fuck on

Frank Iero: fuck me

thot: fucking hell  
ASK HIM THINGS

Frank Iero: fine fine  
jeez so impatient  
so pete do u know what made patrick run away from his fam like 5 years ago?

Pete Wentz: i thought u knew what happened??

Frank Iero: no???

Pete Wentz: i dont know what happened to cause him to take off  
i never asked him y  
just assumed it was him snapping

Gerard Way: guys  
i think its time

thot: time for what?

Frank Iero: time for me to get some jello  
i swear this is the only good hospital food  
ok hi its frank now  
are we going to asking patrick about this?

Pete Wentz: wait  
r we really going to ask him?

Gerard Way: pete i know its scary  
but we have to do something if we want to help patrick  
we dont want to see him fall apart any more than u do

Pete Wentz: i get it  
please just take ur time  
dont rush him for answers

thot: i promise well take our time  
brendon get on ur phone and use ur whole voice text thing

Frank Iero: kk just add me to the chat

>> Gerard Way added Brendon Urie to the chat

Brendon Urie: Hi kids.

Gerard Way: ew  
2 proper 4 me

Frank Iero: r u guys ready?

Pete Wentz: never will be  
do it anyways

Gerard Way: whatever happens we all still care about patrick pete  
remember that

>> Gerard Way added Patrick Stump to the chat

Patrick Stump: finally jeez  
sorry to rush u but i literally cant leave school and i cant get in so im freezing out here

Gerard Way: o shit im sorry dude

Frank Iero: pls dont get hippothermina

Brendon Urie: I'm sorry, what?

thot: um no its im sorry W A T

Frank Iero: hippothermina  
u know the freezing to death thing

thot: THATS HYPOTHERMIA U FUCKING IDIOT

Frank Iero: i cant spell ok?

>> Pete Wentz renamed the chat hippothermina

Patrick Stump: wait why are they here?  
where are joe ray andy and ryan?

Gerard Way: we can add them later but right now its just us

Patrick Stump: whats going on?

Pete Wentz: hi patrick

Patrick Stump: hi pete :)

Brendon Urie: Hi Patrick.

Patrick Stump: hi  
wait  
whys everyone saying hi  
what did you guys do

thot: we didnt do anything  
we just want to talk to u

Patrick Stump: um okay?  
what about?

Pete Wentz: wait before we continue

>> Pete Wentz changed the chat settings

Pete Wentz: better

Patrick Stump: why cant i leave the chat  
guys whats going on

Gerard Way: we need to talk to u about something serious  
and i mean something serious

Patrick Stump: is brendon really hurt or something?

Brendon Urie: Well, yes, thanks to Pete.

Pete Wentz: ur welcome <3

Brendon Urie: We need to talk about you, Patrick.

Patrick Stump: oh no  
whatever i did im sorry

Frank Iero: wat no  
dude u didnt do anything ur fine  
well almost fine

Patrick Stump: what do u mean?

Pete Wentz: patrick  
they know

Patrick Stump: about what

Brendon Urie: They know about the situation.  
Your situation, Patrick.

thot: is he ok?

Gerard Way: i think we brought it on a little too strong

Frank Iero: theres only so many ways we could have told him

Pete Wentz: patrick?

Patrick Stump: how did you  
i mean  
im sorry im having trouble processing this  
how did you figure it out???

Gerard Way: it wasnt so much we figured it out  
its more like frank recognized ur birth name and told us about it  
and we got worried and wanted to see if u were ok  
so we did some research and then asked pete and brendon if what we thought was true

Patrick Stump: what did they tell you?

Brendon Urie: I told them about how you used to come to school with bruises.  
Your parents would make you wear crosses to try and heal you, or some bullshit.  
You went away to Florida and told me and Pete that you were considering suicide, and needed us to talk you out of it.  
When you finally came back to school, you were completely different.  
Three days later, you disappeared, and the authorities declared you dead.

Patrick Stump: i understand  
what about pete  
what did u tell them

Pete Wentz: i told mikey that ur homeless and ur health is getting worse and worse  
nothing besides that

thot: yeah he didnt say anything other than that

Patrick Stump: okay

Frank Iero: umm is that a im gonna kill you okay or an okay okay?

Patrick Stump: okay okay

Gerard: really?

Brendon Urie: Dude, how are you so calm during this?  
You asked us to keep this secret for years now.  
I would think you would be flipping out.

thot: dont give him any ideas

Patrick Stump: in all honesty  
i dont have the energy to be angry anymore  
it takes too much out of me

Frank Iero: patrick please tell us  
where do u live?

Patrick Stump: please dont judge me?

Gerard Way: how could we?  
we want to help you patrick not make fun of you

Patrick Stump: okay im sorry  
i live in the abandoned librarys back room  
i sneak in through the window

thot: WHAT

Patrick Stump: i thought there would be no judging

Frank Iero: PATRICK THATS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS

Patrick Stump: i know its against the law but theres really no where else i could have gone

Gerard Way: NO PATRICK U DONT UNDERSTAND  
THAT PLACE WAS SHUT DOWN BECAUSE IT FLOODED AND THEY COULDNT AFFORD TO GET IT FIXED  
THERES TOXIC MOLD IN THAT BUILDING

Patrick Stump: wait what

Pete Wentz: are u serious?

Brendon Urie: Is that why Patrick has been getting so fucking sick lately?

thot: shit shit shit shit

Gerard Way: PATRICK WE NEED TO GET YOU LOOKED AT  
YOU COULD HAVE SOME SERIOUS SHIT

Frank Iero: i can leave the hospital and come get u if that works  
patrick?  
god damn it wheres patrick

Pete Wentz: whats going on?  
i hear sirens outside

Brendon Urie: Are they firetrucks and police cars?  
I mean, you guys just pulled the fire alarm.  
That's pretty illegal.

thot: no its an ambulence  
what the fuck is happening

Gerard Way: were meeting u guys at the hospital got it

Frank Iero: o youve got to be kidding me

Brendon Urie: What happened?

Gerard Way: i was trying to find patrick so we could take him to the hospital for this whole toxic mold thing  
found him passed out near the front of the school  
hes fucking freezing

Pete Wentz: NO  
NO NO NO NO NO

Brendon Urie: Are you serious?!

thot: GET HIM TO THE HOSPITAL DUDE

Gerard Way: THATS WHAT THE FUCKING AMBULENCE IS FOR

thot: just  
fuck  
ill meet u guys there  
holy shit this is insane

Pete Wentz: fuck this im breaking out of the office  
no way am i sitting here while patrick is going to the hospital

thot: ill be waiting behind the school pete  
ill drive us

Pete Wentz: dont let anything happen to him gerard please

Gerard Way: i wont ill make sure hes okay

Frank Iero: so question  
how the fuck do we explain this to the others?


	13. i lost my other shoe in the xbox vs ps war of 2018

allifante: smith wants to transfer me to a different study hall #fuckmylife

dope: what did u do ray

allifante: nothing

mr negative: oh it wasnt nothing

allifante: hey joe  
suck my dick

mr negative: no but thanks for the offer

beebo: what did u do ray

dope: how dare u just copy my message

beebo: its mine now  
what did u do™

dope: shit  
ryan ur bf stole my ideas  
control him pls

keep tryan: aye u fixed ur phone  
glad to have u back babe <3

beebo: <3

dope: um ur not helping me ryan

less emo: wait what did ray do

allifante: nothing

mr negative: he caused ww3 in our study hall

less emo: oo well done

keep tryan: how did he start ww3?

mr negative: he asked if xbox or playstation is better

beebo: yeah thatll start a war

porn god: xbox obviously

sad mime: um sorry  
were no longer related mikes

porn god: MOM SAID ITS MY TURN ON THE XBOX GERARD

sad mime: WE DONT HAVE AN XBOX U DUMB FUCK  
WE HAVE A PLAYSTATION AND WE WILL NEVER HAVE AN XBOX

porn god: u know wat im buying an xbox now

sad mime: omg mikey dont u dare  
do u know what the gaming gods will do if u buy one  
they will smite us

porn god: #sorrynotsorry

beebo: im with u gee ps is better

keep tryan: eh xbox is pretty good

beebo: sorry were no longer related ryan

keep tryan: were not related tho?

beebo: whoops forgot

allifante: o btw?  
where r pete and patrick??

less emo: wait theyre still in the chat?  
we kik them out a lot so i never really know

porn god: petes on his phone with someone

mr negative: um im sorry hes not allowed to have other friends  
also pats didnt show up for study hall so  
concerned?

allifante: well i mean gerard didnt either

mr negative: but gerard is never here  
patrick is always here

sad mime: i would argue if that werent true

keep tryan: he was just sick like 2 days ago  
made it was like a relapse

beebo: did u just call it a relapse?  
as in a drug addiction?

sad mime: he used relapse correctly dipshit

beebo: wait  
wat  
really?  
u can relapse on illness??

allifante: r u kidding me brendon

dope: yes u can  
like when u have a fever that looks like its going away  
then u get sick like 2 days later with another fever  
relapsing on a fever

beebo: huh  
the more you know

keep tryan: *shooting star shoots by*

mr negative: beautiful

savage pete: hi kids

allifante: PETE  
MY HUSBAND

savage pete: ok  
none of that thanks

allifante: how rude

porn god: just kill his dreams

savage pete: i am a dream killer

>> allifante changed savage pete's name to dream killer

dream killer: finally  
accurate name

keep tryan: so pete

dream killer: so george

keep tryan: so fuck u

beebo: so no

mr negative: so what the fuck are u guys doing

dream killer: so good question

dope: so this is weird

sad mime: so i agree

porn god: so i bought an xbox off of amazon

sad mime: so FUCK U MIKEY

>> less emo renamed the chat so FUCK U MIKEY

porn god: so sad

keep tryan: SO PETE

dream killer: sorry got distracted

allifante: as u do in this group chat

dream killer: whats up

keep tryan: wheres patrick

dream killer: dont know

less emo: thanks for the info

keep tryan: ok seriously where tf is everyone  
like i know brendon is still at the hospital  
but patrick and gee arent here  
and i just went to walkers for a study hall pass and apparently mikey and pete arent here

allifante: wait u arent at school

porn god: what is school but a prison

dope: PREACH

less emo: now that u mention it  
frank isnt here either

dope: hey its rude to give out information andy  
very rude

less emo: too bad

dope: :(

mr negative: let me get this gay  
patrick pete gerard frank mikey AND brendon are all not here?

allifante: yep

keep tryan: so that begs the question

beebo: why is the question begging?

keep tryan: no brendon  
no  
ur not distracting me

beebo: but im ur bf  
im supposed to distract u  
am i not pretty enough wtf

keep tryan: u know what i mean

beebo: u r mean :(

keep tryan: im sorry bren  
ur very pretty

beebo: i love u

keep tryan: i love u to u dumb fuck

allifante: um ryan  
distracted?

keep tryan: what  
OH FUCK U BRENDON

beebo: <3

mr negative: WHERE THE FUCK R U GUYS

beebo: hospital

dope: hospital

sad mime: hospital

porn god: hospital

dream killer: hospital

less emo: y??

beebo: im broken

dope: brought brendon here

sad mime: my boyfriend is here

porn god: my brother is here

dream killer: i hate school

mr negative: ok i believe brendon because i kind of have to

beebo: <3

keep tryan: now y r the other four of u actually at the hospital  
if ur even at the hospital

>> beebo removed keep tryan from so FUCK U MIKEY

dream killer: BRENDON

beebo: IM SORRY I PANICKED

sad mime: ADD HIM BACK

dope: guys we talked about this  
no removing people from the chat when they ask us stuff

beebo: I KNOW BUT PATRICK

less emo: what about patrick

porn god: brendon u dumb fuck

beebo: were supposed to tell them anyways u dumb fuck  
i just didnt know if we were waiting for patrick

sad mime: were not waiting for patrick  
if he gets on while we tell them that makes it better

allifante: y  
whats going on

mr negative: is patrick ok?

beebo: hold on

>> beebo added keep tryan to so FUCK U MIKEY

beebo: RYAN IM SORRY I PANICKED BC U STARTED ASKING STUFF AND I DIDNT KNOW IF I COULD ANSWER OR NOT BUT NOW I CAN PLS DONT HATE ME

keep tryan: <3

beebo: <3

dope: damn that was fast  
gee y do u never forgive me that fast

sad mime: <3

dope: wait wat did i do

sad mime: i forgive u for breaking my eyeliner when u dropped it in the hall

dope: aw thanks babe <3

keep tryan: fuck school im going to the roof  
u guys can join if u want

allifante: kk coming

mr negative: me too

less emo: yeah im coming  
fuck calculus

keep tryan: anyways  
back to questioning  
r u all really at the hospital

allifante: wait  
only mikey answer

porn god: gASP  
i feel honored

dope: t(-_-t)

porn god: yes we r all really at the hospital

less emo: ok thank u  
now y r u all individually there

porn god: brendon is here because of pete  
frank came to watch over brendon because patrick asked him to  
gerard came to visit  
pete came to visit  
i came to visit

less emo: and patrick??

porn god: ask gee  
i dont know all the details

keep tryan: oh no  
whats going on gee

sad mime: u guys heard the sirens outside yesterday right?

allifante: yeah

mr negative: the police officers

sad mime: wellllllllllll  
not police officers  
more like paramedics?

keep tryan: im sorry W A T

less emo: WHAT HAPPENED TO PATRICK

sad mime: so i was going to pick up patrick at the front of the school and he was passed out and freezing  
so i called an ambulance

allifante: WHAT THE FUCK  
Y R WE NOW JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS

sad mime: BC HE NEEDED TO BE OK  
PLUS U KNOW HE WOULDNT WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW

mr negative: OK TRUE BUT  
WTF  
IS HE OK

young little tree stump: im fine

keep tryan: OMG THANK GOD

beebo: thank the fresh priest

dope: the fresh priest is always there to protect his people

dream killer: hi patrick

young little tree stump: hi pete

dream killer: hold up im coming to ur room

less emo: so were fine?  
patrick isnt gonna die???

young little tree stump: yes im fine  
no hypothermia  
no toxins from the mold  
were ok

allifante: good good

keep tryan: dont scare us like that again u jerk

young little tree stump: im sorry

mr negative: wait wait  
r we really just going to ignore that?

dream killer: wat r we ignoring?

porn god: i dont think were ignoring anything?

mr negative: 'toxins from the mold'?

young little tree stump: yeah  
wait  
fuck  
how much did u tell them

sad mime: oooooooh  
not that much

dope: oh fuck  
i didnt even notice  
then again i didnt even notice i showed up here with only one shoe so

beebo: oh yeah  
where is it btw?

dope: idk?

porn god: did u lose it in the war?

dope: yes mikey  
i lost my other shoe in the xbox vs ps war of 2018

beebo: im so sorry

mr negative: stop trying to avoid the question

young little tree stump: im not trying to avoid the question  
like i know they are but im the one who has to answer it

beebo: bc we dont want u to answer if ur not ready to answer patrick  
some of us have known about this for years and kept quiet bc u asked us to  
u didnt want help  
and u didnt even tell the others who know about it the details

dream killer: exactly  
we dont want u to feel like u have to tell them patrick  
if u say u dont want to tell them theyll respect that  
right?

less emo: of course

keep tryan: yeah always man  
like yeah itll bother me that brendon knows something big like this and i dont  
but im never gonna ask about it if u dont want me to  
i respect ur privacy

mr negative: same

allifante: right

young little tree stump: the thing is that i WANT help  
before i didnt because i was afraid of where that help would take me  
what people would think of me when they found out who i am  
i didnt want my past to be the thing that defined me no matter where i went  
now that i think about it that line of thinking is bullshit  
id rather not die to keep a secret

dream killer: im so proud of u patrick

beebo: so am i  
youve needed this for years man

dope: whatever happens were here for u

porn god: same for me and gerard

sad mime: <3

allifante: oh no  
this sounds really fucking serious

mr negative: im kind of scared now

keep tryan: same  
DAMN IT BRENDON I HAVE NOBODYS HAND TO GRASP

allifante: u have mine

mr negative: andy give me ur hand  
lets make a hand holding circle

porn god: thats gay af

keep tryan: we r gay af

less emo: ok patrick  
were listening

young little tree stump: well  
where do i even start


	14. Tight Knit Trio™ + 7

young little tree stump: my parents have always been crazy religious  
they were the kind of parents who would kill someone and then say they did it because of the bible  
like im not against religious people or anything but they used it as an excuse to hurt me

beebo: literally my parents -_-

porn god: y tf do u guys have such shitty parents  
like mine and gees parents are so ope minded

keep tryan: same i wish u all could live w me so u can be as gay as u want 

mr negative: sounds like paradise

young little tree stump: so when i was in my last year of elementary school i was beginning to discover myself  
i didnt really know who i was or what i was into so i was doing things that made me happy  
i really liked wearing eyeliner and jewelry and sometimes i wore high heels

sad mime: PAUSE  
DID U SAY U USED TO WEAR EYELINER

young little tree stump: yeah?

sad mime: WE COULDA HAD MAKEUP DAYS MAN  
I COULDA TAUGHT U HOW TO DO A CATSEYE

allifante: #bringbackpatrickseyeliner

>> dope renamed the chat #bringbackpatrickseyeliner

dope: sorry carry on

young little tree stump: obviously my parents werent happy with that  
they made me throw away all my stuff and banned it from being around me  
i began buying eyeliner off of a girl in my class and putting it on in the bathrooms  
eventually my parents found out when they showed up to surprise me on field day  
that was the first time they ever hit me

dream killer: i remember that  
u came to school with a bruise on ur cheek and treid to tell me u fell

less emo: was it rly that bad?

beebo: it was pretty bad

young little tree stump: it got progressively worse from there  
they thought the devil was taking over me because i was dressing 'like a girl'  
i mean sure i wore makeup and sometimes heels but come on  
they thought i was 'catching homosexuality'

keep tryan: bren hold my earrings  
immabout to slap some bitches

mr negative: let me join u  
andy hold my pants

less emo: what

mr negative: what

young little tree stump: anyways  
so they began monitering me like crazy  
i wasnt allowed to have friends over and when my friends wanted to come over i couldnt tell them why they couldnt  
i didnt really have friends in elementary school  
my first true friends were pete and brendon in middle school

dream killer: <3

beebo: what a dream team  
the tight knit trio

allifante: trademark it?

beebo: right of course  
Tight Knit Trio™

>> keep tryan renamed the chat Tight Knit Trio™ + 7

beebo: love it  
sorry continue  
<3

young little tree stump: when the three of us would hang out it would be at petes house  
his parents were the only ones accepting of his homosexuality so it worked out for brendon  
i went to get away from my family but they began thinking i was going to hook w pete or bren  
so they banned me from seeing them outside of school

dream killer: wait wat

porn god: y r u suprised u were there

dream killer: ye but i never new that

beebo: same wtf  
ur parents panned u from seeing us?

allifante: panned  
when ur parents make u pansexual to ur friends

sad mime: what a world we live in where parents force their kids to be pansexual

beebo: so all those times u said u were busy u were just not allowed to see us

young little tree stump: yes  
im sorry i lied to u

dream killer: dude what r u apologizing for its not ur fault  
u dont need to be sorry

mr negative: ye man dont apologize for ur parents being dickbitches

young little tree stump: okay  
thank u  
so near the end of seventh grade i wanted to have people come over for my birthday  
my parents were going on a trip to florida that week so i would be home alone  
they left the night of my birthday so i invited pete and brendon over to hang out

dream killer: oooooo shit i remember this  
holy fuck what did they do to u patrick

less emo: what happened?  
did like ur parents call or something?

young little tree stump: no  
they walked into the house because they had forgotten their money envelope and came back  
they saw pete and brendon in the house

beebo: wait  
wat  
fuck  
wait  
omg

dope: whats wrong brendon?

beebo: im so fucking sorry patrick  
fuck

keep tryan: whats wrong baby?

beebo: when they asked us to leave they were so nice about it  
like at that moment i forgot how fucked up ur folks were  
omg  
y did i leave u in the house alone with them holy fuck  
im so sorry patrick i shouldnt have left u with them

young little tree stump: its alright brendon  
whats done is done and i cant change it

keep tryan: what did they do to u patrick

young little tree stump: they took me to florida with them to keep me from doing anything  
the whole week we were there they beat me until i felt like i was going to pass out  
they wanted to get rid of my 'tendencies' and make sure i remembered to behave  
they were training me to like girls instead of guys

less emo: r u fucking serious

mr negative: thats not okay  
ur parents cant just make all these wild accusations just bc u liked certain things  
and even more they cant force u to change ur sexuality

dope: fr  
thats so wrong that it physically hurts me to think about it

young little tree stump: when we got home after that week i was banned from seeing pete and brendon  
but i saw them at school so it was inevitable i would see them  
they saw us walking out to the bus together on the final day of school and they saw me hng brendon and pete

dream killer: wait  
u were reported missing only three days after school got out  
is that what made u take off?

young little tree stump: they didnt beat me like they usually would that night  
i could tell something was different because they were actually smiling at me  
and my dad said he figured out how to fix me

porn god: wtf did they do to u patrick

young little tree stump: they hired a hooker to have sex with me

allifante: im sorry W A T

dream killer: ARE U FUCKING KIDDING ME

beebo: THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES

porn god: thats just  
wow  
i dont even know what to say

sad mime: frank where are u  
i need someone to cry on

dope: srry unavalable currently sobbing in brendons room rip 

less emo: im literally going to kill them i stg

mr negative: so u hospital kids cant see this but andys face is bright red and hes literally crushing my hand in anger  
like i could hand him a rock and hes probably break it

keep tryan: did u do it with her patrick?

young little tree stump: no i would never do that  
i took off running down the street and didnt turn back  
i had no idea where i was going but i wasnt going to go back to that house  
i eventually ended up in the next town over   
the library was the only place i could access without having to ask anyone for help  
by now my name was out everywhere so i couldnt go outside yet  
i had to wait until they declared me dead before i could leave  
once i was erased off the face of the planet i renamed myself  
when i explained my situation to the school about not having a proper home they didnt really ask questions about why  
thats everything

allifante: wow  
just  
wow

sad mime: patrick im so fucking sorry about everything  
u r literally the least deserving person to have this all happen to 

dope: for real  
youve been through hell and did nothing to deserve it  
if i could take ur place in all of that i would in a heartbeat

porn god: same

keep tryan: same

mr negative: same

beebo: same

less emo: same

dream killer: same

allifante: same

sad mime: same

young little tree stump: dont say that  
its been awful and i dont want any of u to experience what i have

dream killer: this is y ur literally the best person in the world patrick  
u deserve the world and more

young little tree stump: i  
thank you pete

sad mime: so patrick  
me and mikey live with our parents and theyre always willing to help people out  
i want ur permission to live with us

young little tree stump: wait  
no no no u dont have to do that

porn god: where else r u gonna go patrick?  
back to the library where u could potentially die?

sad mime: as soon as u ended up in the hospital mikey contacted our parents  
theyre fine with it especially after knowing the minimum info about the situation  
pls come live with us patrick

young little tree stump: i dont know what to say  
are you sure?

dream killer: go live with them patrick  
like my god u deserve to live somewhere happy for the first time in five years

beebo: pls patrick  
im begging u to live with them

young little tree stump: ...  
okay  
ill live with u

porn god: YESSSSSSSSS

sad mime: THANK GOD I WAS GONNA GO TO UR HOSPITAL ROOM AND SLAP U

allifante: soooo i hate to interrupt butttt  
i noticed something

less emo: no u didnt i noticed it and pointed it out to u

allifante: i dont see any proof

mr negative: um me and ryan r right here

keep tryan: first to trademark the idea owns it

less emo: Noticed™

allifante: NOTICED™  
FUCK

less emo: ha haaaa  
#rekt

allifante: t(-_-t)

dope: omg wat did u notice

less emo: 'training me to like girls instead of guys'

beebo: ok and???

less emo: look at it  
just look at it and then look at other messages in the story

dream killer: i dont see anything wrong  
his parents were fucked up

sad mime: wait?  
i think i see it  
OMG I SEE IT

dope: what is it?  
honey dont keep this from me

sad mime: look at it  
then look at when he said that they didnt like that he was dressing like a girl

dope: ???

porn god: omg i see it  
I FUCKING KNEW IT

dope: OMG WAT  
PATRICK

young little tree stump: what  
whats happening  
what did i do

allifante: OMG PATRICK

young little tree stump: WHATS HAPPENING OML

keep tryan: sooo i dont know if u noticed patrick

young little tree stump: CLEARLY I DIDNT

keep tryan: patrick  
u just came out to us

young little tree stump: no i didnt  
wait  
wat

porn god: yes u did  
u said that they were training u to like girls instead of guys  
u didnt write it in those apostrophes like u do when ur being sarcastic  
u were telling the truth there

young little tree stump: i dont see the connection

less emo: so  
basically whats being implied is  
by saying they were training u to like girls over guys without those apostrophes  
u were saying that u do in fact like guys and that their training didnt work  
do u get it?

young little tree stump: ...

>> young little tree stump has left Tight Knit Trio™ + 7

beebo: oh  
well shit


	15. gang banged by the gay brethrens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know, I think this is the chapter I am the least proud of. Like yeah, it's done, and when my friends read it, they still thought it was funny. I just didn't feel it when I read it. Hopefully I'll feel better when I write the next chapter :)

porn god: guyssss they shut off the roof area next door to the school :(

beebo: god damn it  
how am i supposed to get my old dr pepper fixes now

keep tryan: u make it sound like dr p is a drug

beebo: its not a drug its a lifestyle ryan

sad mime: dr p  
dr phil

allifante: when ur dad is ur drug lms if u relate

mr negative: wait but he said dr phil  
not dad

allifante: listen i didnt have starbucks this morning i cant be blamed for anything i say

dope: dr phil is rays dad confirmed

allifante: daddy phil ;)

>> mr negative removed allifante from Tight Knit Trio™ + 7

less emo: omg dont be rood joe

>> less emo added allifante to Tight Knit Trio™ + 7

>> less emo changed allifante's name to daddy phil

daddy phil: u all have to call me daddy now

porn god: haha  
no

daddy phil: dont disobey your daddy

porn god: is this enough to file a sexual harrassment complaint?

sad mime: unfortunately no

porn god: well shit

keep tryan: y is the roof blocked off mikey

porn god: well aparently that building isnt empty and has people living in it?  
whoops

beebo: wait there r people in that building

porn god: yeah wild isnt it

mr negative: MIKRY HOW DID U FORGET THAT LITTLE DETAIL

sad mime: lol mikry

>> sad mime changed porn god's name to mikry

>> mikry changed sad mime's to gerard gay

gerard gay: very original -_-

dope: hey brendon arent u in music right now

beebo: yee

dope: i can hear it from yorks room  
can u tell whoever the fuck is banging on the cymbals to SHUT THE FUCK UP  
IM TRYING TO TAKE A TEST

daddy phil: no ur not ur watching vines

dope: hush my child

beebo: yeah the cymbals r annoying as shit  
but like benzedrine likes to Torture™ his students

dope: ughhhh fuck this  
im gonna take his cymbals

gerard gay: frank honey pls dont  
ray help me here

daddy phil: cant hes already out of the room

gerard gay: well shit

keep tryan: hey so  
has anyone heard from patrick or pete since yesterday?

less emo: well i mean  
theyre here today but have they talked to me?  
no

mikry: same  
during calculus when i asked him about moving in he just gave me this look  
u know that look of 'bitch i will cut u'

keep tryan: is he talking to any of us?

less emo: pete  
him and pete are in a different corner of the room talking with each other  
idk what about  
but patrick looks kind of embarrassed about whatever it is

mikry: well i mean i would be to  
he came out as gay to us by accident  
thats kinda eh u know?

dope: sooo im going to the art room and claiming i have a study hall so i can ditch chemistry  
wanna come brendon?

beebo: sure fuck this class

keep tryan: babe u love music

beebo: yeah but i FUCKING HATE THIS KID ON THE CYMBALS

gerard gay: can i come with u guys?

dope: stay in class babe  
mr dirnt already hates that u skip class so much

gerard gay: well yeah but  
i wanna hang out with u :(

dope: we can see each other after school yeah?

gerard gay: i suppose so

dope: i love u

gerard gay: M'aimes-tu Frank

dope: wat

gerard gay: i have a french test next period  
it means 'i love u too frank'

dope: french really is the language of sex

keep tryan: umm no thats very not right

mr negative: will u two get a room i stg

less emo: shhh this is adorable

dream killer: u seriously didnt know people still lived in that building mikey?

mikry: yeah ikr its crazy

daddy phil: PETE <3

dream killer: still no

daddy phil: one of these days someone is gonna fall madly in love with me  
youll all see

dream killer: ill be blind by the time that happens sorry

keep tryan: oof drag him pete

beebo: hey is patrick okay?

dream killer: patricks alright just trying to get all of this to make sense  
he gets that yall care about him but sometimes he just has doubts  
just clearing those doubts

gerard gay: yall

mikry: yall

dream killer: damn it  
gang banged by the gay brethrens

less emo: wat  
wat does that even mean

dream killer: ANYWAYS patrick wanted me to add him back so he could announce something

>> dream killer added young little tree stump to Tight Knit Trio™ + 7

daddy phil: PATRICK <3

young little tree stump: umm  
no sorry

daddy phil: u guys hurt me :(  
joe make me feel better

mr negative: no sorry

gerard gay: r u alright patrick

young little tree stump: im alright now  
actually im great  
fantastic  
im really happy right now

dope: y?

beebo: y?

dope: jinx u owe me a coke

beebo: fuk u

dope: nope sorry ;)

gerard gay: anyways  
yru so great fantastic happy?

young little tree stump: well  
ive been seeing a hashtag going around the chat bc someone  
aka mikey  
forgot to delete his messages while u all were tying to be all sneaky sneaky

mikry: o did i?  
#wellfuckmesideways

keep tryan: MIKEY U DUMB FUCK

mikry: SHUT THE FUCK UP U MOLE

keep tryan: :(

young little tree stump: anyway  
i thought u guys should know  
well both pete and i thought u should know  
well more pete than me but im open to the idea so it doesnt really bother me  
but still both of us

dream killer: omg calm down  
they wanted this remember?  
theres nothing to be nervous about

young little tree stump: o right  
anyways

>> young little tree stump renamed the chat #peterickconfirmed

beebo: WAT  
HOLY  
WAT

dope: OOOOOOOOOO SHIT

less emo: I KNEW IT  
RAY U OWE ME TEN BUCKS

daddy phil: well fuck me hard and call me daddy phil

keep tryan: ray no

daddy phil: ray yes

mikry: wait so its official?  
who admitted to who?

dream killer: yes its official  
and patrick admitted to me

mr negative: aw just like in my fanfictions

young little tree stump: wat

mr negative: wat

gerard gay: YEAHHHH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

dope: GERARD WHAT R U DOING

gerard gay: gods work franklin

mr negative: should i get a tattoo?

dream killer: wow okay joe just steal all the spotlight from me and patrick y dont u

mr negative: congrats i love u both confetti confetti cake and ice cream  
so tattoo or nah?

less emo: no

daddy phil: yes

less emo: ray no

daddy phil: ray yes

keep tryan: depends  
whats the tattoo of

mr negative: idk  
but i know that the tattoo place down the street is having a half off deal for hand tattoos  
so i kinda want one

gerard gay: fuck tattoos  
i just write on my skin in marker

mikry: yeah but skin poisoning?

gerard gay: just means im gonna die faster B)

dream killer: ooo i want a tattoo

young little tree stump: pete no

dream killer: y?

young little tree stump: because youll have to look at it every day  
what if one day you wake up and you just hate it?  
then u have to live with it evry day

dream killer: okay then  
ill just get your name tattooed on my hand   
that way i know itll be something I always love

gerard gay: aw they really are in a relationship <3

dope: aw thats gay af

>> dope renamed the chat aw thats gay af

>> dream killer renamed the chat your gay af

>> mr negative renamed the chat you're* gay af

>> dream killer renamed the chat fuck off

>> mr negative renamed the chat no u

>> keep tryan renamed the chat we are all gay

>> young little tree stump renamed the chat we are the champions

>> gerard gay renamed the chat we all need somebody to lean on

>> mikry renamed the chat lean and dab

gerard gay: MIKEY NO

>> daddy phil renamed the chat DAB ON THEM HATERS

mr negative: RAY UR NOT HELPING

daddy phil: do i ever?

young little tree stump: that was an emotional rollarcoaster

mr negative: u know wat fuck school im gonna go get a tattoo

beebo: mother does not approve  
luckly i am ur father

keep tryan: i am ur mother and i disapprove for now

beebo: this is why im the better parent ryan

keep tryan: :(

beebo: <3

less emo: jeez  
ok i clearly cant stop u so what the fuck ever

>> mr negative renamed the chat what the fuck ever

mr negative: wanna come with me?

less emo: no

mr negative: u can pick out my tattoo

less emo: on my way


	16. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS ISNT AN AIRBENDER U BITCH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry needed more #drama

beebo: someone help im having a crieses

young little tree stump: a what

beebo: i am about to show my presentation on columbus to the class but when i wrote it i was drunk as all fuck and i dont think some of the stuff is right

mr negative: ohhh a CRISIS not a CRIESES  
ur having a crisis

beebo: YES  
please tell me if these things are correct?

mr negative: gotchu my man

beebo: omg thank u joe  
columbus left for america in 1936

mr negative: yep thats right

beebo: okay thanks  
he had four ships named the water earth fire and air

mr negative: yeah thats right too  
but remember the ships full names: water tribe, earth kingdom, fire nation, and air nomad  
and that the ships all travelled in harmony until the fire ship attacked

beebo: oh i must have missed that in the book thanks man  
columbus was supposed to lead the men to america but he vanished  
when they found him he was mastering bending air on a ship  
wait wtf that doesnt make any sense

mr negative: no thats right  
remember? he was all about impressing the native americans so he could take the land  
in order to impress them he had to learn to be one with nature  
but he couldnt bend earth because the badgermoles banned him from doing so in Spain  
so he learned to bend air from a group called the flying bison who were in america already

beebo: ohhhhh i guess that makes sense  
thank u joe  
ur the best  
add me back when i msg u to i need to get my grade up so no distractions bois  
wish me luck

mr negative: kk luck pal

>> beebo has left what the fuck ever

mikry: IM CRYING XD

dream killer: WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK JOE

less emo: while i do find this hilarious  
u know hes gonna beat the shit outta u right?

mr negative: did it for the vine my man

keep tryan: but joe brendon needs to pass

mr negative: pass schmass

dream killer: no its pass or smash

daddy phil: pass my ass

>> mikry renamed the chat pass my ass

young little tree stump: im sorry but can we talk about this for a sec?  
brendon getting up and saying to his history class 'christopher columbus was working to master airbending with the flying bison after surviving the atack of the fire nation'

keep tryan: yes that is hilarious  
but DIRNT IS LITERALLY GONNA RIP HIS DICK OFF

dope: kinky ;)

mr negative: if ur so worried have andy tell him to fix it

less emo: i would fix it but im busy trying to beat rays score on flappy bird

daddy phil: u aint ever gonna beat 142

dope: ha my highest is 167

daddy phil: eat my big toe frank

gerard gay: ok fine  
looks like gerards gotta step in and save the day

keep tryan: my hero

dope: oh there u r gee i thought u were dead or something

gerard gay: alive and kicking babe :)

dream killer: did i just see u go skipping down the halls gee?

gerard gay: no  
im going to save my boy brownie  
brendon*  
lol that was wild

mr negative: dang brownies sound good right now  
andy can we go get brownies after school

less emo: hell yeah

keep tryan: sooooo brendon wants me to add him back  
joe ur about to die

mr negative: welp goTTA BLAST

>> mr negative left pass my ass

>> keep tryan added beebo to pass my ass

beebo: I DIDNT REALIZE U WERE MAKING ME READ OUT THE PLOT TO AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL  
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS ISNT AN AIRBENDER U BITCH

mikry: yeah obviously  
no way would he have time to practice airbending with the fire nation attacking

beebo: t(-_-t)

gerard gay: well rip i accidentally skipped into bryars room lol  
ran  
i meant ran  
i accidentally ran into bryars room

keep tryan: oh hi gee :) i see u

gerard gay: hi ryan i see u too :)

dope: gee get out of ryans class

gerard gay: but DADDDD

daddy phil: u rang? ;)

gerard gay: no no no  
im good im good

daddy phil: i can make u feel even better

dope: hey now  
enough of that

mikry: hey now  
ur an all stat  
get ur game on  
go play

less emo: 'all stat'

keep tryan: all state

beebo: allstate  
ur in good hands ;)

dream killer: i suddenly want to purchase allstate

young little tree stump: please dont

mikry: patrick ur name is too long  
it hurts to look at

young little tree stump: ur face hurt to look at

mikry: ur face hurts to look at

young little tree stump: wat  
thats literally what i just said

mikry: really?  
well shit now i feel dumb

gerard gay: as u are

mikry: wow even my own brother is against me  
i see how it is

young little tree stump: i have an idea  
everyone change my name at the same time  
whichever one it sticks as is the name i keep

dope: ooo i like  
challenge accepted

beebo: u bitches are going down

less emo: wait we need joe here for this

>> less emo added mr negative to pass my ass

mr negative: oh hi brendon  
how what the presentation

beebo: ill kill u later right now were fighting for patricks chat name

mr negative: cool im in

young little tree stump: ok ready?  
3  
2  
1  
name

>> keep tryan changed young little tree stump's name to patmat

>> less emo changed young little tree stump's name to fedora fred

>> beebo changed young little tree stump's name to old giant ass stump

>> gerard gay changed young little tree stump's name to patricia

>> dream killer changed young little tree stump's name to the great hat man

>> dope changed young little tree stump's name to pattycake

>> mikry changed young little tree stump's name to peter lewis kingston wentz iii

>> mr negative changed young little tree stump's name to patricia

>> daddy phil changed young little tree stump's name to pattrisha

gerard gay: JOE U COPIED ME

mr negative: RAY DID TOO

daddy phil: HAHA NOPE FUCK U I CANT SPELL

pattrisha: of all the names i could have gotta

dream killer: y tf did u name him after me u prick

mikry: comedy

keep tryan: u cant be a comedian ur no longer john mulaney

mikry: i can be funny without being john mulaney

dope: but nobody thought that name was funny

mikry: someone had to of

gerard gay: nope

pattrisha: sorry but i didnt

less emo: i didnt

mr negative: no

dream killer: nah

keep tryan: no

beebo: lol nope #sorrynotsorry

daddy phil: haha nahhhhhh

dope: nobody did

mikry: fuck u guys

dope: yo bren  
now that u #failed at history  
wanna come hang out in the gym with me  
no classes

beebo: sure like fr fuck this class  
and fuck u joe

mr negative: <3

dream killer: bren

beebo: ?

dream killer: nothing srry

gerard gay: ooo ill meet u guys there

dope: baby u should stay in class  
dont u love art?

gerard gay: well yeah but im finished everything for this class  
hell im finished everything for next class  
we have a sub so we cant exactly do anything so free period for the rest of class time

dope: well yeah but  
substitutes tend to not mark when u leave  
if a teacher sees u outside of ur class then it wont be good

gerard gay: frank if u dont want me to go to the gym with u just fucking say it  
dont try to act like its because of my class

dope: i dont want u to come with us  
happy?

gerard gay: yeah  
thanks for telling the truth

>> gerard gay has left pass my ass

mikry: ooo trouble in paradise

daddy phil: what the hell frank  
wat did u do

dope: fucking hell i didnt do anything  
hes being way to Dramatic™ about this

pattrisha: you could have gone a little easier on him  
he just wants to see you

dope: yeah but i want to see bren right now  
he doesnt always have to be with me i have other friends

pattrisha: well yeah i get that

dope: glad were on the same page

less emo: bren  
huh

dream killer: glad someone else saw it

beebo: saw what

less emo: joes hand tattoo he got  
its of a lizard with the troll face on it

>> less emo sent an image to pass my ass

mr negative: HEY I WANTED TO BE THE ONE TO SHOW IT OFF

less emo: whoops :)

daddy phil: this...  
this is ART

mikry: mona lisa who?

beebo: soooo gym?

dope: meet u there  
if u guys need us dont  
call us or something

>> dope removed beebo from pass my ass

>> dope left pass my ass

keep tryan: ok this is getting kind of weird  
i dont like it

pattrisha: neither do i  
frank always wants to be with gerard  
what changed

mikry: idk but gerard is pretty beat up over frank pushing him aside  
so if he did anything to upset frank he doesnt know what it is

daddy phil: what if they break up?

less emo: they wont  
at least i dont think they will  
if they do theres nothing we can really do

mr negative: i dont wanna lose my otp :(

dream killer: i thought me and patrick were ur otp

mr negative: sorry wrong number

pattrisha: hold on gerard wants to be added back to the chat

>> pattrisha added gerard gay to the chat

mikry: hey bro  
r u ok

gerard gay: nit rewlly no

keep tryan: um gerard.exe has stopped working

gerard gay: in sirry im cryung

dream killer: wait wat

mr negative: wow thats pretty dramatic

pattrisha: r u still in roses room or are u in the bathrooms?

gerard gay: nathriims

pattrisha: uhhhh how about type in caps for bathrooms and lowercase for roses room?

gerard gay: HEUDAWl

pattrisha: on my way

mikry: same be right there

less emo: gee y r u crying?  
is it because frank asked u to stay in class?

gerard gay: No. Sorry I'm using my speech to text. I'm shaking too much to type properly.

daddy phil: ewww proper grammar  
havent seen that since brendons phone broke

dream killer: thank u for ur contribution to the situation ray

daddy phil: ;)

keep tryan: then y r u so sad gee?

gerard gay: Because I thought that if he wanted to break up with me, he would tell me directly. Not cheat on me with Brendon.

mr negative: woahhh hold on a minute  
lets all calm down a minute here

less emo: gerard accusing him of cheating is major u realize that right?  
especially cheating with brendon bc that would mean not only is frank cheating on u but brendon is cheating on ryan

keep tryan: but does that really seem like a stretch?

pattrisha: wait do u really think brendon is cheating on u ryan?

keep tryan: i dont want to think he is but  
frank keeps ditching gerard for brendon  
and brendon keeps ditching me for frank  
theres only so many conclusions to draw

gerard gay: Glad we're on the same page.


	17. why is the chat named after frank and brendons sex toys?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no words for this

>> mr negative removed less emo from the chat

daddy phil: ooo drama

mr negative: stfu ray im doing something important  
so yesterday u guys were talking about frank and brendon c*******

keep tryan: y did u sensor that

mr negative: because its a bad word in this chat

pattrisha: perhaps its for the best

dream killer: wait what does that even mean  
c*******?  
cockrings?

mikry: yes pete  
yesterday we were talking about frank and brendons cockrings

>> daddy phil renamed the chat frank and brendons cockrings

pattrisha: why do you guys do this

mikry: bc god isnt here to do it himself patrick  
we have to take on the task for him

daddy phil: so anywaysss  
wats up with joe and andy?

mr negative: i dont mean to jump on this whole cheating bandwagon but ive been thinking alot since yesterday about me and andy  
this morning he walked in with a hicky on his neck

mikry: a wat

gerard gay: omg r u fr mikes  
its the thing that i come home with sometimes on my neck  
that dark spot?

mikry: i thought u had just gotten ur ass kicked or something

gerard gay: yes mikey i got my ass kicked on my neck  
perfect sense

mr negative: will u guys listen pls?

daddy phil: RYAN Y DID U DENY MY FRIEND REQUEST ON SNAPCHAT

keep tryan: BECAUSE I DONT WANT YOU TO KEEP SENDING ME PICS OF U WITH THE DOG FILTER

daddy phil: IM SORRY THAT I LOOK SO DAMN GREAT WITH THAT FILTER

keep tryan: NO U REALLY DONT

mr negative: guys will u stop please

daddy phil: I WANNA GET STREAKS WITH U MAN

keep tryan: STREAKS ARE STUPID AS SHIT

dream killer: GASP  
bite ur tongue young man

keep tryan: dad im sorry but i cant follow in ur legacy  
im not a snapchatter  
im an instagrammer

dream killer: omg i knew the day was gonna cum

daddy phil: when the day is physically able to ejectulation lms if u agree

gerard gay: 'ejectulation'

daddy phil: y r u bullying me :(

pattrisha: im listening joe  
why did you remove andy from the chat?

mr negative: bc he has a hicky on his neck

pattrisha: and you didnt leave it?

mr negative: correct gold star

daddy phil: no joe andy wouldnt do that to u

mikry: yeah man he aint like that  
hes loyal

keep tryan: ru sure about that?

mikry: ummm yeah pretty sure

keep tryan: well we all thought bren and frank were loyal  
look at how it is now

dream killer: DUDE WTF R U BRINGING THAT UP  
THIS IS DIFFERENT

keep tryan: not really

gerard gay: i dont want to but i have to agree

mr negative: wait so andy is really cheating on me

pattrisha: no no joe  
dont listen to them for a minute listen to me

daddy phil: um #rudeaf

pattrisha: sorry but yall arent being very supportive

keep tryan: ik  
were being realistic not idealistic

dream killer: OMG RYAN UR NOT HELPING

keep tryan: im just saying  
dont keep ur hopes up

mr negative: but i want to believe andy

keep tryan: dont it will only get u hurt  
we dont need another one of us broken hearted people in this chat

pattrisha: RYAN WILL U ACTUALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A MINUTE

mikry: woahhh patricks using fighting words

keep tryan: damn this is whole new level of weird

pattrisha: im sorry i didnt mean to get mad at you i just want joe to have someone to reassure him but its hard to do that with someone being negative pls dont be mad at me

ggerard gay: aww patrick ur so smol i stg

keep tryan: i get it dude i just dont see u get fired up like that  
it was hot

pattrisha: uhhhh thanks?

dream killer: uhhhh back off?

keep tryan: listen to patrick joe

pattrisha: okay so  
andy is a loyal dude who ive known literally forever  
like yeah we just recently became pals but when he was in relationships everyone knew and he has always been loyal to them  
im sure that there is a simple explanation as to why he has that mark on his neck

mr negative: really?  
so hes not cheating on me

pattrisha: i know ryan was talking about idealistic vs realistic but knowing andy i AM being realistic  
andy wouldnt cheat on u

daddy phil: well only one way to figure out

gerard gay: nO RAY STOP PAUSE NO

daddy phil: alright alright jeez  
i was just gonna say we ask him so that were not assuming things but nvm

mikry: wait no thats a good idea

daddy phil: wat did u think i was gonna do?

dream killer: kidnap him and force out answers?  
idk ur random af

daddy phil: not random  
handsome

keep tryan: not with that dog filter

daddy phil: OK U KNOW WHAT

>> daddy phil has sent an image to frank and brendons cockrings

mikry: OMG KILL IT

dream killer: i hate to say it but ur like the only person i know who cant work the dog filter

daddy phil: and there goes my self esteem

mikry: dunked inside a trunk of cream

gerard gay: ?? wat does that mean

daddy phil: cream ;)

keep tryan: i hate all of u

daddy phil: listen i have to make jokes like this man  
im 17 im depressed and i use edgy jokes to cope with my anxiety

dream killer: omg dont quote dan howell u phanatic

keep tryan: i prefer phil

daddy phil: wat

gerard gay: ww4 is now beginning please take ur seats and enjoy the show

mr negative: so should i ask andy?

pattrisha: yes joe ask andy

mr negative: ok ill ask him after class

daddy phil: haha nOPE

>> daddy phil added less emo to frank and brendons cockrings

mr negative: nO RAY Y DO U DO THIS

less emo: why was i removed?  
why is the chat named after frank and brendons sex toys?

mr negative: LOL BYE

>> mr negative left frank and brendons cockrings

less emo: wtf was that

pattrisha: he thinks ur cheating on him  
cause u know u have a hicky on ur neck

less emo: omg u have got to be kidding me

>> less emo added mr negative to frank and brendons cockrings

mr negative: oh hi andy how r things?

less emo: ru fr joe  
u think im cheating on u?

mr negative: well yeah  
u have a hicky on ur neck that i didnt put there wat else am i gonna think

less emo: its not a hicky u dumb fuck

dream killer: its a sticky

pattrisha: pat no  
pete*  
how the hell did i even do that

dream killer: pat yes

mikry: patrick stop talking to urself ur scaring the kids

pattrisha: let them be scared  
im so scary

dream killer: u cant be scary with the name pattrisha  
#sorrynotsorry

pattrisha: well there goes my career

less emo: so i just read back through the chat and i have some thoughts

keep tryan: oh no  
im about to get it

mikry: rip ryan

less emo: 1 im not cheating on joe 2 ryan u need to stop being negative only joe can be that bc thats his literal name in the chat 3 its not a hicky 

mr negative: wait wat  
then wtf is it

less emo: a bruise  
so while mukey thought gee was going home with bruises and actually had hickys  
i came home with actually bruises that u thought were hickys

dream killer: thats so fucking poetic

>> mikry changed mikry's name to mukey

gerard gay: y did u do that

mukey: so that someone doesnt later  
duh

mr negative: y do u have a bruise on ur neck??

pattrisha: these bruises make for better conversation...

gerard gay: Y THE FUCK IS EVERYONE QUOTING PEOPLE  
STOP QUOTING TRAIN

pattrisha: hey soul sister ;)

dream killer: no  
stop

keep tryan: y do u have a bruise on ur neck andy?

less emo: u remember when i told u i wanted to get some lucky charms from the corner store at like midnight last night?

mr negative: yeah

less emo: well i went to get some and this guy took the last box and i was like bitch nah  
so i fought him in the store and he rammed his elbow into my neck

mr negative: u  
u fought a guy for a box of lucky charms?

less emo: im a complicated individual joe

mukey: im not sure if i support this this or not  
but andy u r such an icon i stg

less emo: ty ty

mr negative: so ur not cheating on me?

less emo: joe y would i cheat on u?  
i love u and i cant imagine being with anyone else

dream killer: this is so cute

pattrisha: is that why you havent been talking irl?

less emo: yeah bc my throat hurts like shit

mukey: i see what happened here  
andy got his ass kicked on his neck

gerard gay: mikey no

mukey: mikey yes

keep tryan: hey where did ray go  
i miss my brethren ray

daddy phil: sorry pls leave a message

pattrisha: what did you do

daddy phil: nothing  
y  
nothing

dream killer: ooo boy

gerard gay: what the fuck did u do ray?

daddy phil: ok so MAYBE i went to the corner store last night and MAYBE fought someone for a box of lucky charms that im currently eating wild isn't it?

mr negative: im sorry W A T

mukey: IM CRYING WHAT THE SHIT RAY

daddy phil: lol whoops

gerard way: HOW

daddy phil: I WAS DRUNK AS ALL FUCK OK I JUST WANTED SOME MARSHMALLOWS  
THAT SHITS MAGICALLY DELICIOUS U KNOW

less emo: u know wat im not even surprised anymore  
hope u enjoy the black eye ray

daddy phil: it fits my busted lip pretty well thank u :)

pattrisha: why  
why are you people like this

dream killer: because its the one thing u cant replace patrick

keep tryan: STOP QUOTING PEOPLE OML


	18. all those in favor to literally rip out franks tongue and superglue it to his dick say I

gerard gay: im sorry but i have no time for an explanation so whoever is in the chat right now just watch incase he tries to delete anything

>> gerard gay has changed the chat settings

>> gerard gay silenced pattrisha, dream killer, mukey, mr negative, less emo, keep tryan, and daddy phil.

>> gerard gay added dope to frank and brendon's cockrings

dope: jeez what the fuck have u idiots been doing since ive been gone  
nice name by the way 9/10 would name again

gerard gay: we need to talk frank  
and i mean we need to talk

dope: ok whats up

gerard gay: y r u avoiding me?

dope: um im not?

gerard gay: u r tho  
i keep trying to see u during the school day but u keep running off with brendon  
what gives

dope: oh fucking hell  
r u for real gerard  
i just want to hang out with bren is that really such a big deal?

gerard gay: no of course not  
i get it if u want to hang out with him but y am i not allowed to join u

dope: bc we want time alone?  
fr r u seriously that clingy gerard?

gerard gay: no no im not trying to be clingy i was just curious  
im sorry i didnt mean to sound that way

dope: well u did  
listen if i want to hang out with bren just let me hang out with him  
dont ask questions and stuff like that ok?  
it just makes u sound desperate

gerard gay: im sorry

dope: its alright i get that ur just worrying  
i got to get to class k?

gerard gay: ok ill see u after school?

dope: maybe

gerard gay: ok  
love u

dope: later

>> dope left frank and brendon's cockrings

>> gerard gay changed the chat settings

>> keep tryan unsilenced pattrisha, dream killer, mukey, mr negative, less emo, and daddy phil.

keep tryan: im gonna fucking kill him i stg

mr negative: ditto

less emo: babe no dont kill anyone  
not without me anyways i want to give this fucker a piece of my mind

daddy phil: all those in favor to literally rip out franks tongue and superglue it to his dick say I

dream killer: tell us how u really feel

daddy phil: listen im not the most emotional person on the planet

keep tryan: u dont say

daddy phil: t(-_-t) im trying to be supportive u dick  
anyways thats so fucking messed up u shouldnt talk to ur partner that way thats just wrong  
im so sorry that happened and i wanna punch him in the throat for talking to u that way

pattrisha: gerard?  
are you okay?

gerard gay: im okay patrick  
im okay

mukey: no ur not gee  
where r u?

gerard gay: roortopl

pattrisha: on my way

mukey: same

mr negative: 'roortopl'

less emo: not now babe

dream killer: ok fr wtf is his problem?  
he shouldnt be talking to u that way thats fucked up

keep tryan: i wonder if it would go the same way with brendon

less emo: do u really want to try it?

daddy phil: i was curious about that myself tbh  
is he all secreteive like frank or what

dream killer: 'secreteive'

daddy phil: ouch okay just attack me like that

mr negative: so when ray does it its fine i see how it is

keep tryan: im sorry but im so fucking curious

>> keep tryan has changed the chat settings

>> keep tryan silenced pattrisha, dream killer, mukey, mr negative, less emo, gerard gay, and daddy phil.

>> keep tryan added beebo to frank and brendon's cockrings

beebo: hi babe <3  
wait wat the fuck even is this chat name

keep tryan: brendon we need to talk

beebo: no shit i havent seen u in literally forever  
how come u havent been msging me

keep tryan: stop  
let me speak

beebo: um ok  
is everything alright?

keep tryan: not rlly  
im scared that ur doing things behind my back

beebo: ummm y?

keep tryan: idk if ur doing it on purpose but youve been ditching me for frank  
like he keeps blowing off gee and ur doing the same thing to me  
im just getting worried

beebo: ha  
blowing

keep tryan: omg can u not be horny for 3 seconds and think about what im telling u?

beebo: oh  
ohhhhhhh  
omg im so sorry i didnt think about ur feelings babe  
i just wanted to spend more time with frank i didnt mean to push u to the side like that  
im really sorry

keep tryan: its ok babe ive just been worrying that u dont want to see me

beebo: i do trust me  
like thats y ive been trying to contact u but it keeps going to voicemail  
if u wanted to hang out more u could have just told me i wouldnt have been mad

keep tryan: ok  
thank u for reassuring me

beebo: of course babe <3

keep tryan: can i ask u one more thing?

beebo: sure of course u can

keep tryan: what do u do while ur with frank?

beebo: wat?

keep tryan: what do u do  
like what do u talk about??

beebo: ummm y?

keep tryan: simple curiousity

beebo: ummm nothing really just life u know?

keep tryan: r u cheating on me brendon?

beebo: im sorry W A T  
babe y would i ever cheat on u?

keep tryan: idk  
u tell me

beebo: im not cheating on u i swear ive just been hanging out with frank more we dont do anything 

keep tryan: r u lying to me?

beebo: no of course im not lying to u we just talk that its i promise

keep tryan: then how come u never let me come with u?  
u always say next time but then when next time comes around u say i cant  
what gives?

beebo: its rlly nothing i swear

keep tryan: brendon  
i want to believe u but i dont know if i can  
im sorry

beebo: ok listen u can believe im cheating on u whatever i just dont want u to get hurt  
okay?

keep tryan: too late

beebo: im sorry  
im rlly sorry but i cant tell u  
im sorry  
i love u ryan

>> beebo left franklin and brendon's cockrings

>> keep tryan changed the chat settings

>> keep tryan unsilenced pattrisha, dream killer, mukey, mr negative, less emo, gerard gay, and daddy phil.

mr negative: i cant tell if that was better or worse than gerard and franks talk

less emo: better  
frank got angry and accusing and tried to make gee feel bad about being concerned  
brendon listened to ryan and apologized for being selfish

mukey: then y did he leave?

less emo: i think he was panicking and that was the only thing he could think to do

dream killer: r u mad at him ryan?

keep tryan: no of course im not

daddy phil: wait r u fr? how tf r u ok with this?

keep tryan: im not  
in fact im anything but ok with this  
but i dont think hes cheating on me anymore

gerard gay: i started thinking that to  
also im ok now so yeet?

pattrisha: u dont think frank is cheating on u?

gerard gay: honestly idk if hes cheating on me i just know if he is its not with brendon

mr negative: im confuzzled?

keep tryan: he seemed almost hurt that i thought he was cheating  
and i havent seen anything that actually makes it seem like he is  
no marks no nothing  
but he seems afraid that im gonna find out what him and frank r doing

mr negative: andddd this doesnt point to cheating how?

keep tryan: bc he said that i could believe he was cheating after denying it  
so hes not cheating on me but hes keeping something from me

gerard gay: exactly  
i dont think brendon isnt cheating on u but frank im not sure about

dream killer: wait no

gerard gay: yes

mr negative: maybe

less emo: possibly

mukey: highly unlikely

dream killer: i forgot that im surrounded by idiots

mukey: r00d

dream killer: frank isnt cheating on u gerard  
hes just involved in whatever shit brendon is

gerard gay: and how do u know this?

daddy phil: bc that makes a lot of sense  
WAIT THAT MAKES A SHITTON OF SENSE  
HOLY FUCK A TON OF THINGS JUST STARTED TO MAKE SENSE  
I NEED SOME ADDERALL

less emo: wat  
why adderall?

daddy phil: bc my head hurts from all this thought i need to get rid of my smartness headache

less emo: headaches are aspirin

daddy phil: no lies

mr negative: wtf r u talking about

daddy phil: im dr daddy phil and i know my meds bois so shut up

pattrisha: if frank is in on this whole brendon thing then hes only avoiding you so that you dont get involved  
and he wants you to get mad at him so that you stop asking him questions about it  
does that make sense gerard?

gerard gay: yeah  
wait  
no  
im confused

mukey: do we need to get out the chalkboard again

gerard gay: no but brendon said that it was ok that ryan thinks that hes being cheat on  
so doesnt that mean whatever hes doing is worse than being cheated on

keep tryan: omg wtf did they get themselves into

daddy phil: well whatever it is at least we know it wasnt into each others pants

keep tryan: andddd delete


	19. ive been called daddy so many times you would think i have kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm dedicating this chapter to Zapuppy, one of the first readers of this stupid ass story and one of the biggest supporters I have for it. Your comments always make my day, and now I'm about to destroy yours with an update that will make you even more upset for my vagueness
> 
> Love you <3

>> Patrick Stump added Frank Iero and Brendon Urie to the chat

Patrick Stump: alright we need to talk and we need to talk now

Frank Iero: wow not even a hello?

Patrick Stump: hello  
we need to talk

Brendon Urie: pattycakes!

Patrick Stump: dont call me that

>> Brendon Urie changed Patrick Stump's name to pattycakes

Brendon Urie: i think its pretty fitting

Frank Iero: i very much agree  
very suit much wow

Brendon Urie: oof dead meme man  
sorry

Frank Iero: well shit i thought i was cool

pattycakes: will you two stop and listen 

Brendon Urie: frank u need a name

>> Brendon Urie changed Frank Iero's name to dank diero

dank diero: wtf i want to file a complaint  
wat did i do to deserve this

Brendon Urie: nothing im just lacking creativity u know?

pattycakes: guys come on  
explain whats going on

>> dank diero changed Brendon Urie's name to bending urine

bending urine: i would complain if i didnt just think about bending urine  
like a water bender but with urine?

dank diero: avatar: the last urine bender

>> bending urine renamed the chat avatar: the last urine bender

bending urine: y do we keep getting into conversations about avatar

dank diero: bc its the best show in the universe

pattycakes: LISTEN PLEASE

dank diero: o hi patrick  
how r u on this fine day

pattycakes: annoyed as shit

bending urine: aw y?

pattycakes: BECAUSE YOU TWO WONT SHUT THE FUCK UP AND ANSWER MY QUESTION

dank diero: bc u never asked one u just came in and started demanding things  
in some countries that r00d u know

pattycakes: ok fine im sorry for demanding things  
can you PLEASE tell me whats going on?

bending urine: idk i dont usually pay attention  
u and gerard r the ones that do that

dank diero: u dont know whats going on patrick?  
who r u and what have u done with the real patrick?

bending urine: WHERES PATRICK STUMP  
IM PATRICK STUMP  
WHERE PATRICK STUMP  
IM PATRICK STUMP

pattycakes: not with everyone  
with you two in particular  
im very concerned about you both

dank diero: aww what a mother  
you really are Best Mom™ patrick

bending urine: i thought i was best mom?

dank diero: not in a thousand years

bending urine: ouch im hella hurt  
like i was so supportive with pattycakes and now this is how im treated

dank diero: trick or treated

bending urine: i cant believe we arent doing anything for halloween

dank diero: we can have a party and get trashed

bending urine: hell yeah im in  
hey patrick wanna come

pattycakes: CAN YOU TWO PLEASE SHUT UP SO I CAN EXPLAIN TO YOU WHAT I WANT TO HAVE EXPLAINED TO ME

dank diero: ooh dominate patrick  
i like

bending urine: no wrong hes obviously a bottom

dank diero: ur a bottom

bending urine: fucking fight me u submissive bitch

dank diero: i aint sub boyo  
ive been called daddy so many times you would think i have kids

bending urine: umm tmi

pattycakes: OAWHDOAWIHDOAWHDO

bending urine: hey watch ur language young man  
franks virgin ears

dank diero: when the only virgin part of u is ur ears lms if u relate

pattycakes: you both are impossible to deal with

dank diero: do u think that if we added pete he would be more polite to us than patrick?

pattycakes: NO  
DONT ADD PETE I NEED TO TALK TO YOU BOTH P R I V A T E L Y

dank diero: okay jeez louise man  
wtf r u getting ur panties in a twist about

bending urine: patrick in panties  
not an imagine i wanted in my head but thanks anyway

dank diero: ur welcome pal

pattycakes: so i dont know if you guys are aware of this but gerard and ryan both think youre cheating on them

dank diero: what

bending urine: HE STILL THINKS THAT  
I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WOULD WORK OUT AND HE WOULD ACCEPT THAT IM JUST SPENDING TIME WITH FRANK

pattycakes: but heres the thing  
you told ryan to believe that youre cheating on him after claiming youre not  
i know neither of you are cheating on them because you two just arent like that  
so what secret is so big that youre willing to risk your relationships over it?

>> bending urine removed pattycakes from avatar: the last urine bender

dank diero: BRENDON

bending urine: WHAT DO WE DO  
FUCK I FORGOT THAT PATRICK IS A SMART MAN  
SHIT HES GONNA FIGURE OUT  
OMG WHAT DO WE DO  
FRANK IM SCARED WHAT DO WE DO

dank diero: STOP ASKING ME WHAT DO WE DO I DONT FUCKING KNOW

bending urine: ummm do we just claim nothings happening do u think hell buy that?

dank diero: of course not hes smart as shit

bending urine: do we tell him?

dank diero: fuckkk idk  
thats up to u this is ur thing not mine but shit man  
this wasnt supposed to get this bad  
nobody else was supposed to know

bending urine: to be fair we could have hid this better from them

dank diero: yeah fr were not very good at being subtle r we

bending urine: ikr  
i think that if we can trust anyone its gonna be patrick so we should tell him

dank diero: wat if he tells everyone else?

bending urine: then oh fucking well  
im sick an tired of this shit

>> bending urine added pattycakes to avatar: the last urine bender

bending urine: PATRICK ME AND FRANK HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL U BUT U HAVE TO PRONISE THAT UR NOT GOING TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT OR DO ANYTHING IRRATIONAL

pattycakes: ummm thats a scary thing to be told before being told a secret but okay i promise  
just please tell me what the hell you two are doing

dank diero: not each other

pattycakes: yes thank you frank

bending urine: so back when i was heading to the hospital with my broken foot thanks to pete i had broken my phone so i couldnt text anyone  
frank msged me and said that he wanted to talk about u and ur living sich and all that and to call him from the hospital  
but i called him early bc something bad was happening and i needed someone to know and now im scared of what youll thinl wjen u hesr thw ohone call an dim sorey im so fucjing nervois

pattycakes: woah man its okay  
take your time i didnt mean to sound like i was rushing you  
im just really concerned about whats going on and i want to make sure you both are safe

dank diero: were gonna send u the recording of our phone call that day ok?  
brendon called me from in the ambulance and this is what i heard  
and im so sorry for what youre about to hear  
brendon send it to him

>> bending urine sent an archive to the group chat: 0:26

pattycakes: ok

bending urine: f rank im scaref whatd gonna happen

dank diero: its gonna be fine brendon i told u that were gonna get this all handled

bending urine: how thr fucj did this mess happwn

pattycakes: brendon  
did anybody on the ambulance hear this when it happened?

bending urine: no  
and if they did they didnt say anything

pattycakes: how long

bending urine: last month

pattycakes: jesus christ  
im so so sorry  
i dont eben knwo wjat to say  
im sorey in getting reslly emotuonal  
im so sorry bren

bending urine: its okay  
you couldnt have known and neither could anyone else  
it couldnt be prevented

pattycakes: wru?

bending urine: im in benzedrines class

pattycakes: im coming to get u

bending urine: ur in english

pattycakes: not anymore  
this is more important

dank diero: meet me on the roof  
fuck chemistry

bending urine: ok

pattycakes: i dont know what to do with this information but you bet your ass that im not just watch  
but i wont do anything unless you say to

bending urine: thank u patrick

dank diero: well what do we do for the time being

pattycakes: i think for now we all need a little bit of healing  
ill see you on the rooftop


	20. and then they made jesus jewish bc that makes sense

>> Brendon Urie added Ryan Ross, Gerard Way, Frank Iero, Patrick Stump, Pete Wentz, Andy Hurley, Joe Trohman, Ray Toro, and Mikey Way to SPOOKY DAY PARTY

Brendon Urie: THIS IS AN INFORMATIONAL CHAT NOT MEANT FOR TALKING IN ONLY FOR SENDING PARTY INFO OUT  
so im having a halloween party at my house this tonight while my parents r out of town so we can get wrecked decked and sexed  
be at my house at eight in costume and we can watch a quiet place while drinking our youths away  
u guys need to be out of the house before 2 tomorrow so i can get the house cleaned and all that  
thank u for ur time

Ray Toro: 2 am or pm

Brendon Urie: god fucking damn it ray i said not to type in this chat  
and its 2 pm y tf would i make u leave at 2 am

Ray Toro: idk night time masturbation session?

Pete Wentz: fuck yeah i love a quiet place

Frank Iero: eh its alright

Joe Trohman: UM EXCUSE ME QUIET PLACE IS GREAT

Frank Iero: they made sound effects out of celery joe  
celery

Brendon Urie: WILL U STOP TECTING ON THE CHAT

Andy Hurley: im not tecting im texting

Ryan Ross: too late babe it happened

Brendon Urie: JUST MSG ME OUTSIDE THE CHAT IF U WANT TO KNOW EXTRA SHIT

Mikey Way: will there be weed?  
please tell me there will be weed  
i wanna simmer down u feel me?

Gerard Way: nooo mikey dont do drugs

Ray Toro: i only asked bc i didnt want some idiot to get up and leave at 2am  
cough cough joe

Joe Trohman: wtf no that would be u too

Ray Toro: no

Pete Wentz: last year u showed up to school at 4 am bc they said musical auditions were at 4

Ray Toro: y do we gotta live in the past lets focus on the future yeah?

Frank Iero: omg u guys suck at this whole dont talk in the chat thing

Andy Hurley: but u just said something in the chat

Frank Iero: lies  
fuck  
im scared what is this paradox

Brendon Urie: DAMN IT I HAVE TO RESEND EVERYTHING NOW THANKS TO U ASSHATS

Patrick Stump: i hate to join in on this Chaos™ but arent you in the same room as most of us?  
just talk out loud like a normal person does to normal people

Ray Toro: patrick patrick patrick  
were anything but

Gerard Way: if ur gonna resend everything at least fix ur grammar i can barely read

Ryan Ross: learn to read i could read every word

Gerard Way: well SORRY if some of us dont have 20/20 vision

Brendon Urie: STFU IM GOING TO MIKEY ALL OF YOU

Mikey Way: WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?

Brendon Urie: I MEANT MURDER

Ray Toro: how did u get mikey from murder?

Andy Hurley: mikeys halloween name should be murkey anyone else agree?

Frank Iero: PERFECT

>> Frank Iero changed Mikey Way's name to murkey

murkey: SPOOKY NAME SEASON BOIS

Brendon Urie: OMG STFU U FUCKING ASSHOLES

Pete Wentz: ray ur not allowed to question peoples spelling mistakes  
i will bring back elifant

Ray Toro: :(

Patrick Stump: you guys are Fucking Up™ the chat

Gerard Way: y r u trademarking everything

Patrick Stump: to feel important

Pete Wentz: u r to me babe

Patrick Stump: aw thats cute  
im still stealing your halloween candy

Pete Wentz: :(

>> Joe Trohman changed Andy Hurley's name to candy

candy: i approve 9/10

Patrick Stump: should i go with 'stumpkin' or 'patrick or treat'

Joe Trohman: patrick or treat  
ive never heard that before and its amazing

Patrick Stump: ty joe ty

>> Patrick Stump changed Patrick Stump's name to patrick or treat

Pete Wentz: ooo my turn

>> Pete Wentz changed Pete Wentz's name to trick or pete

patrick or treat: UMMM ID LIKE TO FILE A COMPLAINT

trick or pete: i just wanna match u :(

patrick or treat: im still suing for ripping off my name

trick or pete: lol rip

Ray Toro: 1 should i go with spooky ray or torostone like as in tombstone?  
2 fuck off pete u dic

treat or pete: dick is spelled with a k  
also go with spooky ray   
torostone sounds stupid

Ray Toro: t(-_-t)

>> Ray Toro changed Ray Toro's name to spooky ray

Brendon Urie: U GUYS ARE GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME RESEND EVERYTHING

Gerard Way: hey thats censorship and we dont welcome that here

murkey: yeah we arent communists

Joe Trohman: were ramenists

Ryan Ross: fact  
damn i want ramen now  
hey bren wanna get some ramen after school

Brendon Urie: HDALWHLWHAOWHDLAWHDA

Ryan Ross: so is that a yes or a no...?

candy: hey should i watch stranger things?

spooky ray: YES  
YES  
YES  
YES  
YES

candy: idk im not convinced yet

Gerard Way: this chat is out of control

Frank Iero: tell me about it  
let me add to it

>> Frank Iero changed Frank Iero's name to vampiero

Gerard Way: ooooo nice

vampiero: ty ty

candy: ok i just ordered stranger things box set time to #bingewatch

Joe Trohman: can i join

candy: yee <3

Joe Trohman: <3

patrick or treat: ALRIGHT EVERYONE SHUT UP  
RAY ASKED A DUMB AS FUCK QUESTION BUT IT GOT ANSWERED  
SO SILENCE IN THE CHAT

Joe Trohman: u cant silence the chat ur not the judge

>> patrick or treat changed patrick or treat's name to the honorable patrick or treat

the honorable patrick or treat: checkmate bitch

Brendon Urie: OMG U PEOPLE STRESS ME THE FUCK OUT I STG

>> Ryan Ross changed Ryan Ross's name to brendon broomstick

brendon broomstick: Y BROOMSTICK

Ryan Ross: no reason

Gerard Way: NONO TELL THEM Y  
THIS IS GREAT I SWEAR

Ryan Ross: ok ok fine  
sigh  
...  
so i can ride u all night...

Joe Trohman: IM CACKLING

Ryan Ross: stfu witchass

>> Joe Trohman changed Joe Trohman's name to witchass

witchass: the names write themselves

vampiero: dont we have another chat to do this stuff in?

brendon broomstick: STOP TALKING OMG

the honorable patrick or treat: okay okay im sorry carry on brendon

spooky ray: hey y is jesus white if he comes from the middle east?

candy: bc christianity was known as the white mans religion  
and back then christians were like 'we rule so obvs jesus must be white and christian'  
and then they made jesus jewish bc that makes sense  
so yeah jesus is white

witchass: huh the more u know *shooting star*

brendon broomstick: WE HAVE ANOTHER CHAT FOR STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS Y R U TALKING IN THE ONE CHAT I ASK U NOT TO?!?!???!?!?!?!?

the honorable patrick or treat: why not just message us all individually?  
and not message those who you know are gonna show up?

brendon broomstick: CAUSE I DONT WANT TO INDIVIDILLY MESSAGE 9 PEOPLE PATRICK

murkey: 'individilly'

brendon broomstick: STOP TEXTING IN THIS CHAT

Gerard Way: omg brendon is gonna literally lose his shit i swear  
wait before u go insane

>> Gerard Way changed Gerard Way's name to wereway

wereway: sorry im lacking creativity

murkey: its ok as long as u tried ur best

brendon broomstick: U KNOW WHAT FUCK THIS  
SHOW UP TOMORROW AT EIGHT AND LEAVE BY TWO PM  
HAVE FUN

>> brendon broomstick left SPOOKY DAY PARTY

Ryan Ross: see what u guys did u broke brendon

trick or pete: happens  
do u think hes mad?

vampiero: nah just annoyed

the honorable patrick or treat: itll be fine  
i think

candy: what should we do now?

spooky ray: change ryans name so he can be spooky with us

witchass: thats wat i was thinking

>> spooky ray changed Ryan Ross's name to slenderross

slenderross: perfect 10/10


	21. picking nintendo dicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY I JUST HAD SOME DRAMA™ IN MY BRAIN AND I KNOW EXACTLY HOW I WANT THIS TO GO DOWN SO Y E E T MY DUDES <3

>> pattrisha added dope and beebo to frank and brendon's cockrings

>> pattrisha renamed the chat spooky party fun time

>> pattrisha changed dream killer's name to trick or pete

>> pattrisha changed gerard gay's name to wereway

>> pattrisha changed dope's name to vampiero

>> pattrisha changed mukey's name to murkey

>> pattrisha changed daddy phil's name to spooky ray

>> pattrisha changed keep tryan's name to slenderross

>> pattrisha changed beebo's name to brendon broomstick

>> pattrisha changed mr negative's name to witchass

>> pattrisha changed less emo's name to candy

>> pattrisha changed pattrisha's name to patrick or treat

patrick or treat: since nobody else is gonna put in the effort to do so  
youre welcome

candy: i want to take hot fuge and drip it all over my naked body like yesss fuck me willy wonka

witchass: ray how did u get andys phone

candy: fuck how did u know it was me

murkey: u misspelled fudge

patrick or treat: have any of u seen brendon?

spooky ray: no sorry pal

candy: wait whos on my phone

spooky ray: nobody

candy: ANDY GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE

spooky ray: ONLY IF U GIVE ME BACK MINE

wereway: ooo r we having an indiana jonas moment?

vampiero: gerard who tf is indiana jonas

wereway: good question  
let me get back to u on that

murkey: the newest jonas brother  
nick jonas  
kevin jonas  
joe jonas  
indiana jonas

slenderross: id watch indiana jones if the jonas brothers were casted tbh

trick or pete: patrickkkkkk

patrick or treat: yes dear?

trick or pete: i wanna fuck uuuuuu

murkey: ummm tmi?

patrick or treat: pete this isnt the place to talk about something so private

trick or pete: but i wanna lay you down on brendons parents bed and pound u into the mattress

patrick or treat: PETER

murkey: awww that blushing tho  
ur face is so red i stg

patrick or treat: SHUT UP MIKEY DX

wereway: pete how drunk r u?

trick or pete: no frank its drunk how r u?  
be nice to drunk ask about his day u know?

wereway: um im gerard?

trick or pete: im pete nice to meet u  
do u like boats?

witchass: RYAN WAT THE SHIT

candy: its ok guys got my phone back  
wait r u ok babe?

witchass: NO  
RYANS BEING A FUCKFACE

slenderross: oops

murkey: wat did u do ryan

slenderross: i was just looking for brendon and i happen to find joe and do a little spooky spook

witchass: THAT WASNT A SPOOKY SPOOK U FUCKING Y E E T E D URSELF OUT A WINDOW WHILE WEARING A CLOWN MASK U PRICK

slenderross: prick schmick

spooky ray: dick pick

vampiero: thats my favorite mario party 8 game  
the dick pick minigame

murkey: match the dick with the mario character

wereway: omg wtf r u guys talking about

murkey: picking nintendo dicks  
y wat r u doing?

slenderross: ok literally fuck everything

brendon broomstick: NOTHING IS HAPPENING I SWEAR

trick or pete: o hello brendon  
blessed with ur arrival

candy: he lives here

trick or pete: so do i yolo

candy: dont say yolo this isnt 2010

trick or pete: yyyyyyyyyyyooooooooooolllllllllllllloooooooooooo

patrick or treat: wait r u guys really just gonna ignore wats happening with ryan and brendon

murkey: yeah pretty much

vampiero: y wats going on?

slenderross: i found bren in his room and hes wearing his stupid cowboy outfit because hes a freaking hoe  
and we start kissing and i push him onto the bed and he FUCKING PUSHES ME OFF OF HIM AND MY HEAD HIT THE FUCKING BEDSIDE TABLE  
AND NOW MY HEAD IS BLEEDING

brendon broomstick: BABE IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO DO IT

slenderross: no of course u fucking didnt  
u didnt mean to yell at me for going past kissing u and cutting open my head  
really

spooky ray: ooo shit  
r u ok ryan?

slenderross: peachy thanks

candy: hey wheres frank

wereway: y?

vampiero: he left his phone on on the couch and i almost knocked it onto the floor  
ooo spooky im frank now

brendon broomstick: ryan listen i swear i would never want to hurt u i really didnt mean to shove u away like i did i just got scared

slenderross: rlly this is how bad our relationship has gotten  
ur scared of me now?  
im i really that fucking bad brendon?

patrick or treat: woah back off ryan  
i get that youre mad but theres no need to talk like that

slenderross: stfu patrick this isnt involve u

patrick or treat: when you started talking to people like that then it definitely involves me so sorry but im getting involved  
back off

trick or pete: patrick whats going on?

witchass: i think we all need to calm tf down bc this argument is stupid as shit

candy: umm has anyone found frank???

wereway: andy y tf r u looking for frank

candy: bc i REALLY need to ask him about something

murkey: ???

candy: i accidentally played an archive on his phone and heard something and im highly concerned

patrick or treat: what  
wait wait wait andy what was on the archive?

candy: just a lot of weird sounds  
i think he was getting ready to masturbate or something  
i heard a porno playing??

wereway: wouldnt doubt it

slenderross: sorry but im fucking out of here

brendon broomstick: WAIT NO

patrick or treat: hey andy i found frank come us meet in the kitchen  
we need to talk to you about something

spooky ray: omg there r so many secrets idk what to make of it

witchass: im scared ray

spooky ray: lets be spooked together

brendon broomstick: ryan i swear i didnt mean to hurt u i just didnt want to do anything

slenderross: of course u didnt  
u just didnt want to do anything  
u just want me to think im cheating on u  
u just FEEL LIKE U CANT TELL ME ANYTHING

candy: jesus man how much have u been drinking  
u sound like that one guy at the bar who complains to the bartender for six hours

murkey: hes been drinking a ton so it makes sense that hes acting like a complete Prick™

slenderross: bitch stay the fuck outta this before i fuck u up

wereway: woah dont fucking talk to my brother like that u asshole

slenderross: fuck u gee  
this is between me and brendon  
babe just tell me what the fuck ur hiding

patrick or treat: ryan im serious  
you need to back the fuck off

vampiero: okay i got my phone back and ^^^  
u need to calm tf down ryan

slenderross: fuck u guys too  
im sick and tired of all this shit

brendon broomstick: please ryan please stay i dont want u to leave

slenderross: well if ur not going to consider my feelings im not gonna consider urs

murkey: guys u need to calm down  
this is getting way too intense

wereway: yeah fr can u guys chill tf out?

trick or pete: patty yru blocking the door  
thats rude ryans trying to leave

murkey: SHIT RYAN WAT THE ACTUALLY FUCK IS WRONG WITH U

vampiero: u fucking bitch

witchass: OMG WTF IS HAPPENING

candy: PATRICK WAS TRYING TO KEEP RYAN FROM LEAVING SO THAT THEY COULD TALK THINGS OUT AND RYAN FUCKING DECKED HIM  
PATRICKS OUT COLD

spooky ray: im sorry W A T  
RYAN WHAT THE SHIT R U DOING

slenderross: leaving  
im fucking out of here  
fuck u guys

wereway: THIS IS ALL FALLING APART WAY TOO FAST

brendon broomstick: i was gonna ask u to stay  
but u need to get the fuck out my houses

slenderross: gladly  
until u decide that im worth opening up to were fucking done  
and whoever else knows about what hes hiding i hope u burn

>> slenderross has left 

vampiero: what the actual fuck is wrong with him

trick or pete: hey wat happened to patrick?

candy: pete how my fingers am i holding up in the chat?

trick or pete: wait wat  
ur not holding up any fingers in the chat these r words???

candy: ok hes sober enough  
ryan was being a dickhead and leaving the party after causing a fucking scene and patrick tried to keep him from leaving so they could talk things out  
ryan punched him in the face and knocked him out

trick or pete: wheres that fucker at im gonna fucking kill him

murkey: no no no u need to wait for patrick to wake up yeah?

wereway: brendon?  
ru ok?

brendon broomstick: no not really  
im sorry about everything that happened  
i honestly think it would be best if u guys leave

spooky ray: wait ru fr?

brendon broomstick: yes  
please

witchass: to think this all started bc brendon is hiding something

candy: JOE

witchass: wat? just stating a fact  
like im sorry that im being so blunt but how tf do u just ease into this?  
brendon is hiding something and frank knows about it and theyre not telling us what it is  
thats what lead to all of this  
if he had told us then none of this would have happened

brendon broomstick: i know its my fault i dont need to be reminded  
and trust me eventually ill tell u guys whats going on but not yet  
not until im sure its safe to tell u

murkey: safe?

trick or pete: brendon wat did u do

brendon broomstick: its not what i did  
its what i didnt stop from happening  
im sorry but u guys need to leave  
except for frank and patrick they need to stay

wereway: srs?

vampiero: i think andy should stay to

candy: wait what?

witchass: wtf is going on

brendon broomstick: hes not staying

vampiero: brendon  
he found my phone  
he heard something

brendon broomstick: ...  
andy u can stay too  
if u want to

murkey: woah woah woah  
wtf kind of shit is this  
y r all the relationships being cut in half?

vampiero: wtf r u talking about?

murkey: patrick without pete  
andy without joe  
frank without gee  
brendon without ryan  
its like the chat is being divided

brendon broomstick: im sorry that everything is turning out this way  
but i promise everyone that everything will be fixed ok?  
i just need time to fix it  
happy halloween guys

>> brendon broomstick left spooky party fun time


	22. im a gay man why would i need to see a vagina ever

patrick or treat: WHY THE HELL DOES DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME EXIST  
KIDS SHOULDNT BE AT SCHOOL WHEN THE SUN ISNT UP THIS IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT

wereway: its dark as shit out and its four in the afternoon  
FOUR PATRICK  
FUCKING FOUR

trick or pete: yru guys still in school

witchass: detention

candy: wait ur in detention to?  
whos room r u in?

witchass: farro

candy: oh ur right across the hall from me  
can u see me in yorks room?  
im waving at u 

witchass: im waving back

wereway: u guys r both in detention?  
like me and patrick r too but wtf

trick or pete: patrick ur in detention  
mother is very disappointed in u

patrick or treat: :( sorry mom  
i accidentally burnt a hole in the table in sandmans room

murkey: um h o w

patrick or treat: long story short i caught a tv on fire

spooky ray: yes bc that is a perfectly valid explanation

vampiero: ok its no longer halloween sooo

>> vampiero changed vampiero's name to fronk

murkey: u misspelled ur name

fronk: yeah on PURPOSE mikey  
its called abstracked art

trick or pete: wtf is an abstracked

fronk: u know when u paint something without actually painting it

wereway: frank honey thats called a blank canvas

fronk: no i mean like  
fuck how do i explain this  
i would paint a flower but not a realistic one only one made with simple shapes  
u know what im talking about

patrick or treat: are you talking about ABSTRACT art?

fronk: whats abstract art?

murkey: o jesus christ

spooky ray: and i thought i was bad at spelling even i knew how to spell that  
o also im in detention to so YEET #detentionsquad

>> witchass renamed the chat #detentionsquad

candy: damn it ray ur supposed to be my ride home  
frank can u drive me home

fronk: umm funny story  
in detention  
whoops

candy: WTF IS EVERYONE IN DETENTION

murkey: im not in detention

trick or pete: yeah me neither were not all delinquents andy

spooky ray: well fuck

>> spooky ray renamed the chat #detentionsquad + pete and mikey

witchass: only the fun people r in detention 

trick or pete: joe ur only in detention bc u refused to watch the miracle of childbirth vid in health

witchass: im a gay man why would i need to see a vagina ever

spooky ray: PREACH

patrick or treat: joe you just got #exposed

witchass: STFU MR I LIT A TV ON FIRE

patrick or treat: AT LEAST I DID SOMETHING INTERESTING MR SCARED OF WOMANLY PRIVATE PARTS

>> wereway changed witchass's name to mr scared of womanly private parts

mr scared of womanly private parts: FUCK U GERARD

murkey: im sorry but womanly private parts xD  
u could just say vagina u know

patrick or treat: i dont like saying that  
its one of those words that just sounds wrong coming from my person

trick or pete: say vagina patrick

patrick or treat: no

spooky ray: do it do it do it

patrick or treat: um this is peer pressure i dont approve

>> spooky ray changed patrick or treat's name to virginia

virginia: ???

spooky ray: sorry autocorrect i meant vagina

>> spooky ray changed virginia's name to viagra

viagra: seriously -_-

spooky ray: nvm im not changing that

trick or pete: wow patrick am i not enough to get u excited wtf

viagra: im not talking about sex or arousal or private parts in the chat

wereway: hey frank yru in detention?

fronk: i was trying to pull brendon from benzedrines room as i usually do but teacher saw me coming and locked me out  
so i snuck into the vents and went in that way

murkey: and u were caught in the vents

fronk: i wasnt caught per say

trick or pete: its per se

fronk: wat

trick or pete: its not per say its per se

murkey: i thought it was parsay

spooky ray: i read that as parfay  
damn i want a parfay now wtf cant i get one while in detention

candy: its parfait ray

spooky ray: wtf kind of word is that  
is that really how its spelled

viagra: yeah

mr scared of womanly private parts: i thought that was pronounced par-fate

spooky ray: also move over spooky ray  
we got ourselves parfait ray

>> spooky ray changed spooky ray's name to parfait ray

wereway: its like when u try reading colonel

trick or pete: wait how do u pronounce that  
is it not co-lo-knee-el

fronk: i love that u wrote out the entire word but changed the ne to knee

viagra: colonel is pronounced kernal  
as in popcorn kernal?

trick or pete: WHAT THE SHIT  
Y IS ENGLISH SUCH A DRUNK LANGUAGE

wereway: hey frank how did u get caught

fronk: o yea got sidetracked  
so i made it to the room and broke the lock off of his door with a hubcap  
so if theres a lockdown in this school bc a serial killer breaks in his class is #fucked

viagra: i dont know whether i should be disappointed or proud

murkey: wait a hubcap?

fronk: idk music class is weird as shit

parfait ray: since were on the topic of detention  
in four words everyone say how u got detention then say what teacher ur with

fronk: broke benzedrines door lock  
york

parfait ray: broke calculator over head  
martinez

viagra: caught tv on fire  
sandman

mr scared of womanly private parts: fuck childbirth health videos  
farro

candy: dyed kids fingers purple  
york

wereway: wrote profanities in poetry  
williams

murkey: what the actual fuck is wrong with u children

viagra: its not like i MEANT to light the tv on fire

mr scared of womanly parts: my name says it all man  
also how tf did u do that andy

candy: lets just say that he was trying to look at my notes  
i wasnt having any of that cheating

trick or pete: but they were notes its not cheating

candy: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

trick or pete: dont u shush me

murkey: so ur all mostly with different teachers?  
how r u all on ur phones then

parfait ray: bc we know how to be all sneaky sneaky with them

wereway: aka we know how to hide them under our desks while sitting in the back of the room away from the other deliquents

murkey: would now be a bad time to mention that i learn u can group call the chat?

trick or pete: U CAN?!  
WAT

>> trick or pete is calling the chat

viagra: PETE WHAT THE FUCK MY PHONE IS LOUD AS SHIT YOU ACTUAL PRICK

>> fronk joined the call

wereway: frank y i thought u were better than this

candy: OML FRANK Y DID U CALL PETE A TRASHY SKANK WTF XD

parfait ray: im sorry wat now

>> parfait ray joined the call

>> mr scared of womanly private parts joined the call

candy: no joe behave

viagra: u guys are literally the worst people i stg

wereway: look at wat u did mikey r u happy

murkey: im having a great time actually ty for asking

candy: omg york is just staring at frank who is yelling at pete while ray and joe and laughing  
and now half of my class is talking about joes chat name  
now the four of them are singing a whole new world wtf is going on

viagra: i stopped questioning it day 1 tbh

>> Call ended: 1:14

fronk: great just what i wanted in my archives

parfait ray: well that was a hoot now wasnt it

mr scared of womanly private parts: i hate that half of the deliquents think im scared of vaginas

wereway: i thought patrick was scared of vaginas

>> viagra left #detentionsquad + pete and mikey

>> trick or pete added viagra to #detentionsquad + pete and mikey

trick or pete: pls dont leave :(

viagra: fine only because youre here

trick or pete: <3

candy: ok so now my embarrassment can calm itself down  
pls dont ever do that again pete

trick or pete: i wont i wont  
blame mikey he tempted me

parfait ray: whatever just nobody call the chat

murkey: ok ok ok jeez

fronk: ty

murkey: ...  
YEET

>> murkey is calling the chat

wereway: U FUCKING BITCH  
WILLIAMS IS GONNA TAKE MY PHWADBYLA

candy: well there goes gerard  
now york is taking franks phone  
now hes taking mawdoah

mr scared of womanly private parts: i fucking hate this chadwaldn

parfait ray: To whoever is in this chat, please stop calling while my students have detention.  
\- Ms. Martinez

murkey: holy shit that was horrifying  
hi ms martinez <3

trick or pete: sorry no heterosexuality allowed here in the detention squad

murkey: ew no  
bad pete

>> Call missed

viagra: fuck you guys i had my volume down this time

trick or pete: patrick <3

viagra: hello <3

murkey: hi patrick <3

viagra: fuck you asshole <3


	23. hot dog camouflage

trick or pete: can I go to school in a hot dog suit?

parfait ray: yes

>> parfait ray changed trick or pete's name to hot dog pete

fronk: no u cant  
if i cant go to school in a pikachu onesie then u cant go in a hot dog suit

hot dog pete: thats not fair  
PATRICK FRANKS BEING A MEANIE

viagra: frank stop being mean to frank

fronk: but hes being stupid

viagra: no hes not  
wait i just read the chat pete wtf r u thinking

hot dog pete: that i want to go to school in a hot dog suit im feeling meaty today

mr scared of womanly private parts: i dig that  
i wanted to go to schooling wear nothing but NOOO we have to ear PROPER CLOTHING  
and CLOTHING in general

hot dog pete: i respect that idea joe

murkey: u r not going to school in a hot dog suit pete

wereway: hey dont crush his dreams hes all excited about this

parfait ray: yeah we dont crush dreams we build them  
martin luther king once said that he had a dream u know

hot dog pete: what if i wore normal clothes over the hot dog suit?  
hot dog camouflage

fronk: no

hot dog pete: dang i thought that would work

wereway: well at least u can wear ur hamburger suit

parfait ray: or maybe the french fry suit

hot dog pete: damn i forgot about the french fry suit  
scandalous ;)

candy: NOPE no pete  
stop now

mr scared of womanly private parts: hey dont just take away our rights like this  
this is a free country u know

wereway: yeah no censorship in the chat

hot dog pete: i have right this is a democracy

murkey: YES TRUE  
but this chat is a dictatorship and i have to take on the role of dictator

viagra: thats not fair why do you get to be dictator

murkey: because im the dictator and i say so

candy: damn it that makes sense

parfait ray: move over hitler weve got wayler in the united states

>> mr scared of womanly private parts changed murkey's name to wayler

wayler: -_-

hot dog pete: thats it im going on strike

viagra: pete pls dont

mr scared of womanly parts: ayeeee i wanna go on strike to

parfait ray: KRUSTY KRAB IS UNFAIR  
MR KRABS IS IN THERE

wereway: i wanna go to school in an inflatable dino costume

fronk: GERARD DONT ENCOURAGE THEM

hot dog pete: YES GERARD

wayler: NO GERARD

>> parfait ray changed wereway's name to dinoway

parfait ray: WE HAVE RIGHTS TO DRESS AS WHATEVER FOOD/ANIMAL WE WANT TO

mr scared of womanly private parts: YEAH

dinoway: YEAH

candy: NO

trick or pete: MAYBE

viagra: OMG NO

wayler: wow the chat is at war this is exhilerating

candy: WOULD YOU GUYS WEAR THIS SHIT TO A JOB INTERVIEW NO SO DONT WEAR IT TO SCHOOL

hot dog pete: i would wear a hot dog suit to a job interview

mr scared of womanly private parts: i would wear nothing to a job interview

parfait ray: what r u applying to be a stripper

mr scared of womanly private parts: its called a body bribery ray gosh  
its how anime women get their jobs

dinoway: ohoho

candy: OML

fronk: dang now i wanna go in my pikachu suit just out of spite

dinoway: YAY FRANK <3

viagra: NO FRANK DONT JOIN THEM

fronk: too late the ears are going on

wayler: thats it im getting the bleach

hot dog pete: hey suicide is against the law mikey havent u watched its a wonderful life

parfait ray: if were all going as random things ill go as a teacher and let all the kids out of school

dinoway: ooo i applaud

mr scared of womanly private parts: can i go wearing nothing but a top hat and a tie

candy: NO JOE

viagra: hey is rooftop accessible bc i wanna go jump off the roof

hot dog pete: no patrick dont do that :(

fronk: DO A BACKFLIP PATRICK

wayler: there are two kinds of people

parfait ray: im gonna go as a chicken nuggets so i can match with pete

hot dog pete: aww twinsies

dinoway: can we just go to school as a mcdonalds meal like?

fronk: YESSSS  
OPERATION MCDONALDS MEAL COSTUME SQUAD IS A GO

>> fronk renamed the chat operation mcdonalds meal costume squad

mr scared of womanly private parts: I AGREE WITH THIS IDEA  
CAN I BORROW UR FRENCH FRY SUIT

hot dog pete: YES U VERY MUCH CAN ILL WEAR THE HAMBURGER SUIT

>> parfait ray changed hot dog pete's name to burger pete

dinoway: im going as a milkshake cause i bring all the boys to the yard

fronk: im going as apple slices because damn im a snack

candy: U GUYS R FUCKING IDIOTS

parfait ray: frickity frack its a snickity snack

dinoway: back in black

burger pete: to protecc  
to attacc  
to go to school as a snacc

mr scared of womanly parts: YES PETE

viagra: ok you guys are pissing me off but i admit that was good

fronk: bitch im already a snacc wat u talkin bout

parfait ray: i cant be a snack if i eat them all

wayler: oof big mood

burger pete: thats so sad alexa play despacito

dinoway: guys i have a pickup line  
are you a vorpel blade cuz ur a snicker snack

fronk: OMG DID U JUST QUOTE THE JABBERWOCK

dinoway: ;))

mr scared of womanly private parts: oo i have one  
hey um  
uh ur pretty cute  
wanna um like watch a movie or something sometime maybe  
please say yes

viagra: me though?

candy: me too tbh?

burger pete: call me paul revere cause i wanna give u a midnight ride  
;))

parfait ray: oo i have one  
call me paul revere cause i wanna give u a midnight ride  
;))

burger pete: wow r00d uncreative

fronk: call me paul revere cause i wanna give u a midnight ride  
;))

burger pete: NO STOP

wayler: call me paul revere cause i wanna give u a midnight ride  
;))  
made that one up myself

viagra: call me paul revere cause i wanna give u a midnight ride  
;))

burger pete: STOP I WANNA FEEL CREATIVE

dinoway: call me paul revere cause i wanna give u a midnight ride  
;))

candy: wow those are some good pickup lines guys!

mr scared of womanly private parts: call me paul revere cause o wanna give u a midnight ride

fronk: JOE U FUCKED IT UP

mr scared of womanly private parts: IM TRYING MY BEST DAD

burger pete: im going to go cry now

parfait ray: im going to go cry now  
;))

viagra: im going to go cry now  
;))

candy: im going to go cry now  
;))

fronk: im going to go die now  
whoops sorry typo

dinoway: you swooned me frank thats pure poetry  
wait im sorry what was this conversation about

burger pete: us going to school as a mcdonalds meal u guys in?

candy: u know what fuck it ill join in and go as a mcflurry

mr scared of womanly private parts: YESSS ANDY <3

wayler: jesus christ fine give me the hotdog outfit if ur not gonna wear it

dinoway: YAY MIKEY   
PATRICK JOIN US

>> viagra left operation mcdonalds meal costume squad

dinoway: or do literally the opposite of what we ask ok


	24. ho ho ho bitch

wayler: sooo brendon and ryan are fighting

fronk: no shit theyve been fighting for a week now

wayler: no i mean theyre FIGHTING  
brendon showed up to williams rooms to get the english notes and ryan showed up  
and now theyre just yelling at each other

>> parfait ray sent a video to operation mcdonalds meal costume squad

dinoway: ooo shit wtf  
theyre really going at it

candy: so there THAT married couple  
oof

fronk: ryan looks stupid af  
like y tf is he getting mad

wayler: he wants to know what brendon is hiding  
and is mad that he thought he could tell patrick and andy before telling him

parfaut ray: do u blame him to be honest???  
ryan is acting like a psychopath

burger pete: patrick help i need comfort in these hard times  
patrick?  
patrick  
o fuck hes not in the chat

>> burger pete added viagra to operation mcdonalds meal costume squad

burger pete: hi patrick <3

viagra: omg what are they doing

burger pete: ok wow just ignore

viagra: hello pete <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3  
now what the fuck are they doing

candy: yelling at each other in ray and mikeys class

viagra: why?

fronk: ryan wants to know what The Secret™ is

viagra: oh jesus christ  
this is getting way too out of hand  
andy frank im taking charge

parfait ray: oo dominate patrick  
me likey

burger pete: no pls and thank

fronk: y cant i take charge

candy: bc u didnt claim it first

fronk: fine  
im double taking charge

viagra: im triple taking charge

fronk: im  
fuck  
what comes after triple

viagra: SO IM IN TAKING CHARGE  
HERES WHATS UP

candy: wait ru telling them?  
wat about brendon?

mr scared of womanly parts: i join the chat and THIS is wat u kids r doing  
ooo secrets getting revealed  
nvm carry on

fronk: im with andy r we sure we want to do this

dinoway: its like when we told them about patrick without him being here  
if itll help him eventually u have to tell

parfait ray: oo benzedrines here to break up the party

candy: im sorry what about benzedrine

wayler: hes splitting up the fight  
he sent ryan to the office  
hes taking brendon to his room for the rest of the period  
bc the office has to many deliquents in it always

burger pete: fr y is everyone in this school so fucking stupid

mr scared of womanly parts: were the ones usually in the office

burger pete: o right whoops

dinoway: i just saw patrick going running by the health room  
wtf is going on

fronk: hes saving brendon

>> parfait ray renamed the chat saving private brendon coming to a theater near u

wayler: i dont think brendon requires saving?  
if anything ryan need saving?

parfait ray: sorry saving private ryan is already a movie i dont want a lawsuit at 17

candy: no brendon definitely needs saving

mr scared of womanly private parts: and y pray tell is that

burger pete: pray tell is a stupid saying  
are u telling a pray or is the pray telling u something?  
the world may never know

mr scared of womanly private parts: how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?  
the world may never know

viagra: its ok guys i got brendon  
just had to tell him that smith was looking for him for french

dinoway: brendons not in french??

viagra: exactly benzedrine wont find him

wayler: u guys r being way too Dramatic™ about this  
and patrick i thought u were taking charge or something

viagra: thats what ive been doing

wayler: ??? i dont follow

viagra: im only saying this now because brendon is giving me permission to do it  
because this shit is getting WAY too out of hand  
so andy and frank you can stop worrying about what hell think

burger pete: wait youre telling us?  
u know u dont have to right? privacy is a thing

mr scared of womanly private parts: SHHH DRAMA PETE

burger pete: WELL SORRY that i dont constantly need to know my friends secrets  
like i dont want them to feel like they have to tell us

candy: ok listen thats all jolly and everything pete but fr we rlly should tell u bc this is actually getting rlly bad

fronk: like it was bad before but now its like no  
u feel me?

dinoway: 'jolly' ur not santa claus

candy: ho ho ho bitch

murky: question  
r we telling ryan

viagra: hold on a sec

>> viagra added brendon broomstick to saving private brendon coming to a theater near you

brendon broomstick: saving private brendon?

parfait ray: ur welc my dude

mr scared of womanly private parts: its wednesday my dudes

dinoway: i am not impressed at ur reference joe

wayler: look at wat u did u unimpressed gerard

brendon broomstick: ok so i need a name change before i say anything  
this name hurts to look at now

burger pete: thats what happens when you ride something all night long brendon

>> burger pete changed brendon broomstick's name to brenzilla

brenzilla: wat

burger pete: sorry i watched godzilla last night and its all ive been thinking about

parfait ray: and u didnt invite me?  
#offended?

fronk: ooo ive never seen godzilla

dinoway: WAT  
WELL I KNOW wHAT WERE DOING THIS WEEKEND

candy: can i join ive never seen it either

mr scared of womanly private parts: I ALSO KNOW WHAT WERE DOING THIS WEEKEND

fronk: noice  
double date with the scaley boi  
should i wear my scaley suit

parfait ray: y do u have a scaley suit

fronk: sometimes ur just feeling scaley u know?

parfait ray: no i really dont

wayler: poor ray  
sheltered from the way of the scale

dinoway: more like the weigh of the scale  
NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT A SHAMING JOKE THIS IS A PLAY ON HOMOPHONES

candy: y r the phones homo?

burger pete: bc no heteros in the chat  
all people places objects thoughts actions and intangible things must be homo

>> parfait ray renamed the chat no heteros in the chat

mr scared of womanly private parts: wow hetero shaming smh

viagra: and as per usual you all got distracted

brenzilla: ok look  
were not telling ryan because id rather not have him go to jail at a young age  
hes an innocent lad

wayler: ummm wat did he do

brenzilla: its not what he has done  
its what hes gonna do

burger pete: oh no brendon what did u do

brenzilla: nothing  
i did nothing

candy: u did nothing?  
thats the big secret?

parfait ray: dang it i made popcorn for nothing  
literally badum tiss

brenzilla: i didnt fight back  
i didnt call for help  
i didnt tell anyone  
and i didnt try to stop it  
i did nothing

dinoway: oh  
oh jeez brendon whats going on

fronk: shh gerard dont make it seem like its a burden okay?  
none of this is brendons fault

dinoway: okay

parfait ray: should we be scared for us folk who have no idea what ur talking about

candy: no

brenzilla: yes

candy: oh whoops nvm dont listen to me

brenzilla: patrick give me ur hand i need something to hold onto

burger pete: dang it we need another hand holding circle

wayler: but we arent all together?

dinoway: frank and i r though frank support me

fronk: i got u bb

parfait ray: mikey support me

wayler: ur not my mom dont tell me what to do  
but yeah get over here this is spook af

mr scared of womanly private parts: andy im coming to ur room

candy: wat no stay in class

burger pete: fuck it im going to ur room to andy

candy: no y r u 2 like this  
and ur here ok whatever  
i guess were making a Hand Holding Circle™

mr scared of womanly private parts: york looks like hes ready to kill us

fronk: maybe its bc u just walked into his class and started holding hands with people?

viagra: are you children all good?  
okay  
brendon do you want to tell them or do you want me to start?

brenzilla: i can start  
okay  
so all this drama between me and ryan/gerard and frank started with an phone call i made to frank

dinoway: wait when was this

fronk: this was back when pete broke brendons leg and he had to go to the emergency room

burger pete: o yeah  
wow that was wild talk about throw back thursday

wayler: but its tuesday

parfait ray: so the clubs going up whatever  
keep telling us the story

brenzilla: frank sent me a pm saying he was meeting me at the hospital to talk about patrick  
benzedrine was driving with me to the hospital  
and then something happened and i didnt know what to do but i saw a chance to finally get help with it so i calle frank sp tjat he ould kniw about the probkem

candy: brendon its alright we want to help u  
nobody here is going to judge u for this  
in fact ur brave for even telling the others about this not a lot of people can

mr scared of womanly private parts: i dont like the way that sounds  
whats the problem u guys r talking about

fronk: r u going to send them the archive or just explain?  
dont feel like u have to play it for them ok? it can just stay between those who have heard it

brenzilla: hi its patrick  
brendon is having a hard time messaging properly so he asked me to talk through his phone  
yes he wants to send the archive

candy: o shit

dinoway: u mean the archive of the phone call between frank and brendon?  
whos heard this?

brenzilla: me frank and andy  
frank because he was in the call me because i figured out something was up and andy because he accidently heard it at the halloween party

burger pete: ok  
brendon u know u dont have to play it right we respect ur privacy

wayler: yeah dont do it if its going to be to hard to

brenzilla: he says it would be harder to type it out the story than it would be to just let you hear it  
so im going to send it  
but im telling you guys right now  
its going to be hard to hear. youre going to want to get angry and hurt someone. youre going to want to blame yourself for it  
but its not your fault. its none of our faults. theres nothing that we could have done  
promise me you will not do anything unless brendon asks us to

parfait ray: i promise

dinoway: of course

burger pete: yeah i get it  
promise

mr scared of womanly parts: i promise

wayler: promise

fronk: i dont even need to tell u that i promise

candy: you got it

brenzilla: okay  
im so sorry

>> brenzilla sent an archive to the group chat: 0:26

dinoway: what the

parfait ray: THE FUCK IS THAT

mr scared of womanly private parts: omg i think im gonna be sick  
is this real

fronk: yes its real

wayler: im going to kill someone  
im literally going to kill someone i stg

dinoway: no mikey dont  
trust me i want to fucking stab a bitch but we cant unless brendon says to

burger pete: this is the only time right  
please tell me this hasnt happened before  
it was just this one time

brenzilla: its brendon again  
and no  
it wasnt just this time

wayler: how many times brendon

brenzilla: 47

mr scared of womanly private parts: jesus christ  
how long has this been happening?

brenzilla: for almost two months  
since the middle of september

parfait ray: GOD DAMN IT  
WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU

viagra: ray calm down

wayler: dont u dare make it sound like hes the one to blame for all of this i swear to god raymond

parfait ray: IM SORRY IM JUST SO FUCKING PISSED OFF  
NOT AT BRENDON BUT AT THIS WHOLE THING  
WHY DIDNT YOU STOP IT

brenzilla: ITS NOT SOMETHING U CAN JUST STOP RAY  
PEOPLE HEAR THINGS AND I DONT WANT THIS TO BE SOMETHING IM REMEMBERED FOR  
ITS HUMILIATING

candy: pls try to understand this ray  
theres only so much he could have done 

burger pete: listen i get that this is something that u dont want people to know  
but y didnt u tell us brendon?  
were ur best friends we could have helped prevent this and could have kept u safe

brenzilla: pete i wanted to tell u guys more than anything but its hard  
how do u tell ur best friends that the music teacher is raping u?


	25. im like the violent long lost twin of bob ross

>> Pete Wentz added Frank Iero, Ray Toro, and Mikey Way to the benzedrine plan

Pete Wentz: so i have an idea but first of all 2 RULES FOR THE CHAT  
1 NOBODY CAN SHARE THIS CHAT WITH ANYONE  
2 I DIDNT THINK OF A SECOND ONE BUT HAVING ONE RULE IS WEIRD AF SO WE NEED A RULE 2

Frank Iero: rule 34: if it exists theres porn of it

Ray Toro: wow u trust me this much with this?  
i feel honored that im trusted

Mikey Way: wait u trust me but not gerard wtf  
i thought gerard was literally the mom

Pete Wentz: exactly he is mom so he would try to stop us and we need to do this k?

Mikey Way: is this about brendon and benzedrine?

Ray Toro: brendon and benzedrine sitting in a tree

Frank Iero: NO RAY BAD

Ray Toro: sorry idk y thats what i thought of

Frank Iero: so y do u trust me with whatever this is?

Pete Wentz: i dont but u were the first to learn about the whole BB thing so ur here

Mikey Way: y am i here

Pete Wentz: i wanted a way brother but gerard will try to stop us so ur the next best

Mikey Way: uhhhh ty?

Ray Toro: do we get code names?

Pete Wentz: no ray

Frank Iero: yes ray

Ray Toro: sorry but frank has spoken i must respecc him

>> Ray Toro changed Ray Toro's name to tree

>> tree changed Mikey Way's name to next best

>> tree changed Pete Wentz's name to untrusting

>> tree changed Frank Iero's name to rule 34

rule 34: wowww i let u pick our code names and this is the thabks i get

next best: i can feel my inferiority complex growing stronger and more intense with each insult

untrusting: christ ok whatever

tree: see it all worked out

rule 34: oh pete also u missed joe and andy getting detention for having sex in the girls bathrooms  
williams walked and heard them and had to call in smith to get them out  
the whole time they were being scolded they kept going

untrusting: noice  
dedication  
anyways back to the topic at hand  
were going to help brendon with benzedrine

next best: wat hapened to not doing anything unless brendon tells us to?

untrusting: hes not gonna tell us to do anything we all know that

rule 34: fact i mean ive known for like a month now and hes never let me do anything  
i also dont know what else he told u guys considering u kept REMOVING ME FROM THE CHAT

tree: um u were removing urself

rule 34: thats not the issue here raymond

tree: ok srs y is everyone calling me raymond i have a nickname u no

untrusting: ok raymond

next best: so whats going down pete

untrusting: ok so heres what were gonna do  
frank ur gonna get detention

rule 34: um no im fucking not  
y cant ray get detention

tree: y would an innocent boi like myself get detention frank  
ive done nothing wrong ever in my life and i have a reputation i need to keep up

next best: didnt u literally just get detention yesterday for applying lipstick in class?

tree: hey i wanted to feel pretty and witty and bright

untrusting: u know frank ur not being very helpful in this situation  
i chose to add u into this chat and this is how im treated

rule 34: ok ok fine wtf ever ill get detention  
whats next

untrusting: no idea

next best: u  
wait wtf u dont know what ur doing

tree: U MADE A CHAT FOR A PLAN THAT U DONT HAVE

untrusting: LISTEN HERE  
I NEVER SAID I HAVE A PLAN

rule 34: THE CHAT IS CALLED THE BENZEDRINE PLAN YOU FUCKING MOLERAT

>> tree changed untrusting's name to molerat

molerat: i needed a name that would make u guys stay would u have stayed if that chat was called "the benzedrine plan that i dont have"  
fuck u ray

next best: thats a good point i wouldnt come to the chat if it had that name

rule 34: hey maybe patrick has a plan

molerat: no  
were not telling patrick  
it stays between us four

tree: well u know what they say  
twos a party  
threes a crowd  
fours an army  
fives a plan to stop a rapist

>> tree added Patrick Stump to the benzedrine plan

molerat: RAYMOND HOW DARE U BETRAY ME LIKE THIS

tree: do u want a plan or not peter

molerat: dont call me peter u bitch

tree: then dont call me raymond  
thats like calling patrick pat

Patrick Stump: dont call me pat

next best: pat

Patrick Stump: i will hurt you

next best: u cant martinez is protecting me from your short stature

Patrick Stump: do you really think she cares  
also thats mean :(

rule 34: he has a point u know

Patrick Stump: oh god  
i just read the chat name what the hell are you guys doing

tree: sorry i cant tell u wat were doing bc ur bf never CAME UP WITH A FUCKING PLAN

molerat: IM TRYING MY BEST OK

Patrick Stump: oh you guys are doing something about benzedrine  
okay i can get behind that

next best: i thought u were a bottom

molerat: he is

>> Patrick Stump left the benzedrine plan

>> molerat added Patrick Stump to the benzedrine plan

molerat: no pls stay im sorry

Patrick Stump: im slightly offended that i wasnt added here in the first place??

rule 34: we didnt no if we could trust u

Patrick Stump: but you trust ray?  
seriously?

tree: yeah ikr wild  
but we thought u would tell the others and or try and stop us or some shit

Patrick Stump: im gonna stop you from going to prison  
but yeah i can help with the plan  
i refuse to let this go on any longer than it already has

molerat: aw thanks babe <3

Patrick Stump: ok so whats the plan so far

rule 34: i get detention

Patrick Stump: ummm ok lets stick with that

rule 34: well fuck u 2 i guess

Patrick Stump: shut up it makes sense  
your gonna get detention with benzedrine so that we have access to his room

rule 34: I DONT EVEN HAVE HIM AS A TEACHER  
THE REST OF U R ACTUALLY IN HIS CLASS Y AM I GETTING DETENTION WITH HIM

tree: dude i dont want detention with a rapist

rule 34: AND U THINK I DO?!?!

molerat: omg fine ill get detention with him

Patrick Stump: no

molerat: yes

Patrick Stump: pete im not letting you stay alone with that fucker

tree: but ur ok if its one of us?

Patrick Stump: im not okay with any of us being with him alone tbh

next best: then ill get detention too so that pete isnt alone

molerat: ooo detention party in benzedrines room

rule 34: but what if he tries something?

next best: dude we can protect each other if that happens  
i got my dudes back

molerat: i feel honored  
same same i gotchu mikey

Patrick Stump: well  
okay then if youre sure about this  
so the next part of the plan is to have the rest of us chase him out of his class

tree: fuck yeah i can finally bring my paint ball gun to school

Patrick Stump: what no  
absolutely not  
ray why are you the way you are

tree: i just wanna violently color the world patrick  
im like the violent long lost twin of bob ross  
paint a mountain more like paint the teacher amirite

rule 34: i agree with this except u should just shoot the classroom door window

tree: UGHHHHHHHHHHH u guys r no fun

molerat: dont be so Dramatic™  
wats next commander?

Patrick Stump: so once we have benzedrine out of the room we need to go through his desk and get his phone

next best: *raises hand*  
yr we going thru his desk to get his phone

Patrick Stump: im sorry did i call on u mikey?

next best: *puts hand down and gets sad*

Patrick Stump: aw okay im sorry you can ask your question

next best: <3 yr we going thru his desk to get his phone

Patrick Stump: okay brace yourselves for this because this is gonna make you hate him more  
its because one of the things that me and brendon talked about is the fact that benzedrine recorded a video of one of their sessions

molerat: im sorry W A T

tree: THIS FUCKER USED TO BE ONE OF MY FAVE TEACHERS WTF  
HES A HOROBALE PERSON

rule 34: omg "horobale"

tree: NOWS NOT THE TIME TO POINT OUT MY SPELLING FAILS FRANKLIN

next best: so u guys r gonna go through the desk?

Patrick Stump: no were gonna keep him away from the classroom  
one of u watches the door the other looks for his phone

molerat: got it babe  
so when r we doing this shit

tree: today  
go get detention kiddos

molerat: no not today i have stuff to do

next best: someone hand me a hammer imma break all the drums

rule 34: there r 2 kinds of people

next best: wait im in benzedrines class right now whoops  
time to get detention  
ray tell them my story when i am dead

tree: ok so hes getting up from his chair  
hes walking over to the drums  
hes pulling a pencil out of his pocket  
hes stabbing the everliving fuck out of a drum

molerat: wait wait wait  
which drum is he stabbing

tree: the bass drum

Patrick Stump: WTF THATS MY DRUM  
MIKEY IM GONNA ACTUALLY MURDER YOU

tree: OML MIKEY Y

rule 34: o boi what did he do

tree: HE JUST YELLED OUT "VOTE TRUMP 2019" AND BACKFLIPPED OFF A TABLE

molerat: damn it mikey how am i supposed to top that

next best: detention unlocked bois  
ur up pete

molerat: damn it hold on im working on it  
should i just like set the curtains on fire

Patrick Stump: pete ur getting detention not arrested

molerat: wait i have an idea ill brb  
ray be recording

tree: hes gonna strip isnt he

next best: yes

rule 34: no

next best: ok fine

Patrick Stump: frank where are you right now?

rule 34: in the storage closet

Patrick Stump: why are you in the storage closet

rule 34: some homophobic prick locked me in the storage closet

tree: omfg i actually hate everyone  
im gonna come get u

rule 34: wait but if u dont i dont have to go to class

tree: ...holy shit thats genius  
someone lock me in a storage closet

Patrick Stump: arent you supposed to be recording pete?

tree: o ye i was doing that here u go

>> tree sent a video to the chat: 0:19

next best: OMG U CAN PLAY THE SAXAPHONE

molerat: hello kids  
and no i cant i literally can only play that one song

Patrick Stump: so let me get this straight

tree: let me get this gay*

Patrick Stump: t(-_-t)  
you only learned to play careless whispers on the saxaphone  
nothing else

molerat: correct

rule 34: y would anyone ever need to know anything else on the sax patrick  
only the necessities

tree: did u get detention pete

molerat: wdym did i get detention ur literally in the room

tree: but am i paying attention to u no im busy being a good student

next best: hey i just noticed a flaw in this plan

Patrick Stump: my plan has no flaws mikey

molerat: yeah patrick is perfect his plans r good u know

next best: what if brendon has detention w benzedrine as well?

molerat: ...patrick u fucked up

Patrick Stump: YES THANK YOU PETE  
ughhh ok hold on let me figure this out

rule 34: dont worry kids uncle frank is here to save the day  
i have an update to the plan

next best: frank last time u had a plan we ended up catching a graveyard on fire

rule 34: THAT WAS GERARDS FAULT HE KNOCKED OVER A CANDLE DURING OUR EXORCISM

Patrick Stump: im sorry what now

tree: NO IT WASNT U THREW THE CANDLE AT HIM WHILE HE WAS PLAYING WITH THE HOLY WATER

rule 34: BC HE WAS FUCKING WITH THE OUIJI BOARD

Patrick Stump: ummm should i go or???

molerat: frank update the fucking plan

rule 34: oh yeah so heres whats up yo  
those 2 stay in detention  
ray shoots the window with the paint ball gun  
patrick and ray keep him away from class  
and ill call brendon and ask him if he wants to hang out right after school  
if he says yee we know were good and if not we can do this again on a later date

next best: i love that ur assuming wed just be ok with getting detention again like its no big deal

tree: it really isnt a big deal tho u guys have detention literally every other day

Patrick Stump: ok that sounds good

molerat: so were all good for the plan?

next best: yep

rule 34: well yeah i did come up with the last part of the plan

tree: no

Patrick Stump: no??

tree: nah jk im ready for this

molerat: alright  
operation arrest benzedrine is a go gentlemen


	26. UNHOLY SAXOPHONE

next best: houston we have a situation

tree: mikey its houston we have a problem

molerat: i got one less problem withoutcha  
i got one less one less problem  
UNHOLY SAXOPHONE

>> tree renamed the chat the benzedrine plan ft unholy saxophone

rule 34: ok we have a problem is it  
a. one of you is hurt  
b. one of you is being harrassed by b*********  
c. one of you couldn't be in detention bc who knows  
d. all of the above

next best: none of those actually its that benzedrine left early and we have a sub detention teacher

Patrick Stump: im going to literally throw myself off a cliff  
W H Y

next best: its not like i WANTED him to be out  
we dont know where tf he went

molerat: this aint it chief

Patrick Stump: damn it hold on let me think

>> tree changed Patrick Stump's name to chief

chief: ray ur not helping

tree: i tend to not do that u know

chief: okay lets try this  
the school has security cameras yeah?  
lets go to the security office and see if we can find evidence of benzedrine harrassing brendon

next best: isnt that locked

rule 34: not when u have a lock picking kit

molerat: y do u have a lock picking kit

rule 34: bc homophobic pricks like locking me in storage closets and i need a way to break out  
i dont exactly like closets

next best: especially since u came out of it like 4 years ago

chief: ok whatever lets do that  
pete and mikey stay in detention

molerat: where tf would we go hot topic?

tree: damn it i was hoping to use my paintball gun

rule 34: holy shit ray u look like a gay solid snake

>> tree changed tree's name to gay solid snake

gay solid snake: listen just because i have a paintball gun doesnt mean u can call me that  
the paint ball gun doesnt deserve such injustice

next best: #stoppaintballgunabuse2k18

molerat: this sub is so weird hes just staring at his phone and nodding  
like hes not touching the screen or wearing headphones or listening to anything  
and every once and a while he laughs

chief: fight through the awkwardness pete

rule 34: k i got the door unlocked  
hey this reminds me of one of those robbery movies  
the one where they rob the casino

gay solid snake: u mean oceans 11

rule 34: no

gay solid snake: no?

rule 34: u know that one george clooney?  
and it had like an organization with like 11 robbers

gay solid snake: yeah  
oceans 11

rule 34: no no  
the one from 2001

gay solid snake: OMG THATS OCEANS 11

rule 34: hold on im looking this up

gay solid snake: IWHALWDHAUWDH

molerat: im sorta glad im the one in detention now

next best: ^^^^

chief: ok so i found a few clips with the two of them  
and its kind of disturbing  
like benzedrine does some stuff and its not good

rule 34: huh i didnt know brendon was that flexable

next best: FRANK IERO

rule 34: SORRY IT WAS A COMPLIMENT?

next best: Y IS UR EXCUSE A QUESTION??

rule 34: IM NOT PLAYING THESE GAMES MIKEY  
listen i know that was uncalled for and im sorry it wasnt funny  
i care about brendon and want to help him

chief: ok good  
cause i was gonna say i will ban you from the chat

rule 34: alright i wont joke like that again  
also the movie is called oceans eleven

gay solid snake: THATS WHAT I WAS TELLING U WDHAWWRBAKWUDAW

rule 34: no u said it was oceans 11 not oceans eleven  
i was being fed false information

gay solid snake: im bout to feed u 9 shots of paint up ur ass

molerat: OKAYYY so r u taking to clips patrick?

chief: yep im downloading them to a cd now

next best: nobody uses cds anymore just put it on ur phone

chief: yes because i want illegal security tapes on my phone mikey nice thinking

rule 34: o ur just gonna claim u found it?

chief: tbh i didnt think this far so yes thats what ill do

gay solid snake: what if the police dont accept the cd as evidence?

molerat: jfc ray well build that river when we get to it

next best: wtf build that river???

molerat: i dont know how the saying goes  
the one with the river

chief: you mean CRY me a river and build me a BRIDGE?  
and you mixed it with CROSS that BRIDGE when we get to it??

molerat: o yeah that one

rule 34: cry me a bridge and build me a river when we get to it

gay solid snake: cry me a cat and dog cause a penny saved keeps the apple away

molerat: a bird in the hand is worth water under the drinking horse

next best: whatever floats your daylight on the wire at both ends

chief: what the fuck are you guys talking about

next best: its ok patrick we know ur not the smartest worm in the dogs new tricks

rule 34: HOLY SHIT RAY WTF

gay solid snake: I DIDNT MEAN ATO I GOT SCARED I WAS TRYING TO THINK OF MRE WIERD IDOIMS

chief: THEYRE CALLED METAPHOORS WTF DID UIO DO

molerat: umm do we want to know??

next best: oml ray wat did u do

rule 34: o he didnt do much he only SHOT BENZEDRINE WITH THE FUCKING PAINTBALL GUN

molerat: H O W

gay solid snake: I WAS READING A REDDIT POST ABOOT MIXING METAPHORS BC IM NOT CREATIVE AND THE FUCKWAD CAMR IN AND I WAS SO SHOOKETH THAT I ACCOENTLY FIRED THE GUN AND SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD AND BOW HES KNOCKEF TF OUT

next best: "aboot" i didnt know u were canadian

rule 34: Y IS THAT UR ONE TAKE AWAY FROM THE SITUATION

molerat: RU FR RAY

gay solid snake: IM LITERALLY A FAILURE I THOUGHT WE TALKED ABOUT THIS

chief: HE HIT HIS HEAD ON THE FLOOR THERES BLOOD

next best: U WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THE VIDEOS NOT FUCKING MURDER THE TEACHER

rule 34: man thats wild i did not expect to be told not to murder a teacher today

chief: ummm  
ummmmmmmmmmmm  
guYS I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

molerat: shit um hold on a sec  
ray drove his truck here right??

chief: I DONT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING PETE

next best: yeah but it makes sense

>> gay solid snake changed gay solid snake's name to commander gay solid snake

commander gay solid snake: OK HERES WHATS GONNA HAPPEN  
PATRICK U GET THE FILES AND GET THE ONES FROM THE CAMERA RECORDING IN THIS ROOM SO THEY DONT CATCH WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE  
FRANK U GO PULL MY TRUCK UP TO THE BUILDING  
IM GONNA SHOOT THE CAMERA AND CLEAN UP THE BLOOD  
THE THREE OF US WILL BRING HIS BODY OUT AND DRIvE

rule 34: im sorry W A T  
THIS IS ACTUALLY INSANE

molerat: i mean weve done worse tho???

rule 34: NOT THE POINT THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY ILLEGAL  
I DONT KNOW IF U KNOW THIS BUT KIDNAPPING IS AGAINST THE LAW PETE

molerat: no way  
pls tell me more about how kidnapping is illlegal

commander gay solid snake: OMG WE CAN QUESTION OUR MORALS LATER FRANK  
GO GET MY FUCKING CAR

next best: "hey mikey how was detention today?"  
oh u know my friends just knocked a teacher out with a paint ball gun and kidnapped him  
no big deal

chief: ok i got the files and the footage and stuff  
holy fuck guys what are we doing were going to jail

commander gay solid snake: the cameras r shot so u cant see us anymore  
and the blood is mostly gone

molerat: damn and i thought u only half assed ur homework nvm ur half assing an entire kidnapping

rule 34: i got the truck im parked next to auditorium doors  
guys were so fucked this is so fucked up oml

commander gay solid snake: shhh frank just stay there while me and patrick bring out the body

chief: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU AND I IM NOT HELPING YOU MOVE A BODY

commander gay solid snake: U ALREADY STOLE FILES MAN IF WERE GOING DOWN THEN SUGAR WERE GOING DOWN SWINGING

chief: DONT CALL ME SUGAR WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS

commander gay solid snake: JUST HELP ME MOVE THE FUCKING BODY 

chief: OKAY

molerat: wow that was wild

next best: hey i just realized if we never touched the body or anything does that mean me and pete arent gonna get executed

chief: EXECUTED?!?!

commander gay solid snake: GUYS HES NOT DEAD CALM TF DOWN

chief: I DONT WAT DO DIE WJAT ARE WE GONA DO

molerat: baby please calm down nobody is getting executed  
california wont kill u guys for kidnapping someone

rule 34: will u guys hurry up and get him out here i dont want to be seen

commander gay solid snake: ugh fine i have to do everything  
ill bring the body out on my own

next best: do u need help

rule 34: MICHAEL WAY

next best: wat i mean people r heavy u know

molerat: Y WOULD U HELP THEM MOVE AN UNCONSCIOUS GUY THEY ARE LITERALLY KIDNAPPING

next best: bc high school musical taught me that were all in this together?  
and i always listen to zac efron?

molerat: sharpay taught me to only pay attention to me and that i want fabulous  
HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL IS A TWO WAY STREET MIKEY

next best: well it also taught me that detention fucking sucks so Y E E T

molerat: omg ur actually leaving

commander gay solid snake: good we needed more hands

rule 34: MIKEY NO UR BROTHER IS GONNA KILL ME

next best: wat he doesnt know wont hurt him

chief: guys thid ud getting reallh ot of hand

molerat: this was out of hand from the get go tbh  
u know what fuck this im gonna help too

chief: NO PETE

molerat: babe i dont want u to go to prison wo me being there with u  
were all in this together

commander gay solid snake: o lord the hsm is spreading

chief: thank you pete

molerat: <3 okay u guys get benzedrine out of here im gonna clean up the rest of what RAY DIDNT

next best: RAY U LEFT SO MUCH BLOOD WHAT DID U MEAN U CLEANED MOST OF IT

commander gay solid snake: I CLEANED WHAT I SAW

molerat: U LEFT IT EVERYWHERE WHAT DID U WASH IT WITH UR SHIRT OF SOMETHING

commander gay solid snake: MAYBE

rule 34: o yeah he actually did that he took off his shirt and went over the floor once with it

next best: OMG HAVE U PEOPLE NEVER KIDNAPPED SOMEONE BEFORE

commander gay solid snake: O IM SORRY I DONT GENERALLY SPEND MY FREE TIME KIDNAPPING PEOPLE  
FORGIVE ME FOR BEING A LITTLE OUT OF PRACTICE

molerat: jesus just  
u guys get the body out of here  
well deal with this mess  
mikey go get some bleach from the janitors closet

next best: already got it u get the furniture ill get the floor  
ray BURN UR FUKING SHIRT

commander gay solid snake: hey i spent a lot of money on this shirt

chief: its five dollars you didnt even take the price tag off

commander gay solid snake: listen here i spend a lot of money trying to care for my kin  
i dont spend my money on myself this five dollar shirt was a lot of money for me

rule 34: wow im sorry ray it must be hard

commander gay solid snake: indeed it is  
poor little tommy and gina having to get jobs of their own at such a young age  
but weve got to hold on to what weve got  
cause it doesnt make a difference if we make it or not

rule 34: yeah  
youve got each other and thats a lot for love  
just give it a shot

chief: i swear to god if you guys are doing what i think youre doing you all are going to be individually slaughtered

commander gay solid snake: WOOOOOOAH WERE HALF WAY THERE

rule 34: WOAHHH OHH LIVING ON A PRAYER

next best: TAKE MY HAND

commander gay solid snake: WELL MAKE IT I SWEAR

next best: WOAHHH OHH LIVING ON A PRAYER

rule 34: LIVING ON A PRAYYYYYYYERRRRR

chief: these are the people you trusted with this plan pete  
these people  
why would you do this to us

molerat: every day i regret my choices more and more trust me


	27. celebrity response challenge

mr scared of womanly private parts: i saw a challenge on yt and i think we should try it

candy: joe we talked about this were not doing the cinnamon challenge again  
remember what happened last time

dinoway: what happened last time

mr scared of womanly private parts: nothing

candy: he pissed himself from coughing so much

wayler: PFTTTTTT WAT  
I THOUGHT ONLY PREGEGNANT WOMAN DID THAT

parfait ray: "pregegnant" wtf mikey xD

burger pete: no i think its spelled pregante

fronk: no its definitely pergenat

dinoway: r u sure its not pregananant?

viagra: isnt this kind of offensive towards pretnet people?

mr scared of womanly private parts: I SAW A CHALLENGE ON YT AND I THINK WE SHOULD TRY IT

parfait ray: hey dont yell in my house  
i dont come into ur house and yell do i

fronk: yru having sex with his house

parfait ray: wat

dinoway: frank stop

fronk: u came in his house and yelled while doing it

parfait ray: no i definitely said that i DONT do that

candy: can confirm that he said he doesnt do that

wayler: how would u have sex with a house

burger pete: stick ur dick in an electric socket  
thatll make the sex literally feel electrifying

viagra: PETE WENTZ

burger pete: THAT WAS A GOOD JOKE AND U KNOW IT

>> mr scared of womanly private parts added Katy Perry to no heteros in the chat

parfait ray: KATY PERRY  
WAT AN ICON <3 <3 <3

brenzilla: joe honey wtfru doing

mr scared of womanly private parts: the challenge  
heres whats up  
its called the celebrity response challenge  
we all add someone famous to the chat  
that person is there "player"  
whoevers player says something in the chat first wins

fronk: ooo im intrigued  
what do we win

mr scared of womanly private parts: idk we could all put an amount of money in for bets  
like 100 or something?

wayler: im broke af what about 50

fronk: then get a job

wayler: i did have one its just that my boss hated me

dinoway: u dyed all the lettuce red at mcdonalds and said it was opposite day so they had to be red

wayler: well yeah it was opposite day

parfait ray: but if u claimed it was opposite day werent u technically telling ur boss it wasnt opposite day

wayler: ohhhhh thats y i got fired

brenzilla: yes thats the big problem with wat u did mikey  
u told him it wasnt opposite day

candy: so whoever wins would get 450 dollars yeah?

burger pete: im in  
we can add any celebrity?

mr scared of womanly private parts: yeah  
once u add ur famous person u have to put 50 dollars into the betting pot

>> burger pete renamed the chat celebrity response challenge

>> burger pete added Ashley Tisdale to celebrity response challenge

viagra: did you just add sharpay to the chat

burger pete: sharpay is a beautiful person and i dont care what u think about me adding her

>> dinoway added John Mulaney to celebrity response challenge

>> viagra added Travie McCoy to celebrity response challenge

>> parfait ray added Taylor Swift to celebrity response challenge

>> brenzilla added Brian May to celebrity response challenge

fronk: im sorrybut whos brian may

brenzilla: WAT  
HOW DARE U

dinoway: frank im sorry we cant be in a relationship if u dont know who brian may is

fronk: WHO IS HE

parfait ray: i shake my head in disappointment at u frank

fronk: TELL ME WHO THE FUCK IS BRIAN MAY SO THAT U GUYS CAN STOP BEING DISAPPOINTED

candy: well never stop be disappointed

fronk: :'(

viagra: brian may is the lead guitarist in queen

fronk: oh  
OH  
OKAY NOW I SEE WHY UR DISAPPOINTED IM SORRY

brenzilla: ill forgive u  
this time

fronk: so anyways

>> fronk added Robert Smith to celebrity response challenge

wayler: i have a question

mr scared of womanly private parts: oh boy

wayler: wat do u mean oh boy i said i have a question im not asking u to jump off a cliff

candy: if the rest of ur friends jumped off a cliff would u do it?

fronk: yes

dinoway: frank honey no

fronk: gerard honey yes

parfait ray: depends is there pizza waiting at the bottom

burger pete: i would only if patrick were jumping too

viagra: well im not jumping so you can just stay up here thank you

wayler: what r we using to define celebrity?

mr scared of womanly private parts: a celebrity

wayler: yeah no shit sherlock  
but in what light  
do they have to be a singer/actor or wat?

mr scared of womanly private parts: idk ask my manager

candy: is that me?

mr scared of womanly private parts: no ur my secretary  
gerard is my manager

dinoway: im sorry wat now

wayler: hey gee what counts as a celebrity

dinoway: idfk  
um  
they have to have the check mark next to their name on twitter or instagram

mr scared of womanly private parts: yes as my manager said  
good job manager

dinoway: does this mean i can have a raise

mr scared of womanly private parts: suddenly i cant read

wayler: ok so in that case

>> wayler added Daniel Howell to celebrity response challenge

fronk: WAT THATS NOT FAIR  
I WANNA ADD A YOUTUBER

burger pete: UR TELLING ME I COULD HAVE ADDED JAKE PAUL TO THE CHAT

viagra: i would break up with you if you added jake paul to the chat

dinoway: can i change my celebrity

mr scared of womanly private parts: sorry my manager says no

dinoway: but im ur manager and i didnt say no??

mr scared of womanly private parts: ur not my manager anymore ur fired  
u have a bad attitude

dinoway: well shit  
anyone looking for a new manager

parfait ray: sorry i already have a manager right mikey?

wayler: im not ur manager

parfait ray: oh  
well in that case ill have the better way brother as my manager

wayler: wowwwww how rude

dinoway: i feel complete again

>> parfait ray changed dinoway's name to manager gerard

manager gerard: wow i feel so important

candy: well u cant have dan without phil so

>> candy added Phil Lester to celebrity response challenge

viagra: man i wish i could change mine so badly  
i would have totally added matpat to the chat

fronk: but thats just a theory

viagra: did you just

fronk: A CHAT THEORY THANKS FOR CHATTING

parfait ray: gtfo of here xD

mr scared of womanly private parts: so everyone has there celebrity in?

candy: yep to recap  
patrick - travie mccoy  
pete - ashley tisdale  
joe - katy perry  
andy - phil lester  
gerard - john mulaney  
frank - robert smith  
ray - taylor swift  
mikey - dan howell  
brendon - brian may

brenzilla: that list makes me sad

manager gerard: yeah i know theres a serious lack of youtubers on here i was at least expecting thomas sanders or joey graceffa  
even tyler oakley 

brenzilla: wat no its not the lack of youtubers stfu  
its because ryans not on the list

viagra: do you want to add him back to the chat?

brenzilla: no not yet

parfait ray: then whats got u so down

brenzilla: i dont want to add him back yet but i miss him so fucking much  
we havent talked in almost a week and it hurts  
i know he broke up with me for being all secretive but still

candy: u want to tell him about **********?

brenzilla: no i dont want to tell him about **********  
not until i deal with the situation

mr scared of womanly private parts: o btw speaking of **********  
hes absent today for the first time in like 20 years and the teachers r all flipping out

brenzilla: omg hes absent today thank fuck  
i was honestly freaking out over today cause like its already been sucky so him being all  
u know  
touchy  
it wouldnt really help

parfait ray: woah hes not here  
haha thats so crazy

burger pete: ray stfu

manager gerard: well i mean hes got a point it is kinda crazy  
is he sick or what

mr scared of womanly private parts: well hes always been sick but if he has the flu or something i dont think he called in  
the teachers apparently have no idea where he is

fronk: huh  
thats kinda wild  
we shouldnt talk about it so much its not like its a big deal or anything

brenzilla: yeah id rather not talk about him in a chat that actually makes me happy  
hopefully something bad happened to him

manager gerard: woah ok now  
thats not cool brendon

candy: i honestly dont blame him for feeling that way i mean  
hes been hurt by **********  
id feel the same

mr scared of womanly private parts: i hope he was taken by horrible people and taken somewhere nobody could find him  
bc honestly that fucker deserves it

viagra: umm pete?  
can u come to martinezs room please

parfait ray: OMG HE SHORTED YOU TO U ITS A PARADOX PEOPLE

burger pete: whats going on babe?

viagra: i needbto takj to someomw and in scared and i CAMT BREATHE

wayler: im taking care of him right now but u should come to hall near martinezs room  
patrick would respond better to u than to me

burger pete: aww baby ok ill be there in a minute

fronk: im gonna come help too

manager gerard: can i come?

parfait ray: as ur client i am asking that u remain in ur current location while the situation is dealt with  
also bc those two actually have study halls and rose now locks the door while in class so u cant get out anyway

manager gerard: wat rose doesnt lock the door  
wait  
omg rose locks the door

candy: aw wtf thats not cool

brenzilla: maybe its bc u dipshits leave his class every day

fronk: bc we need fresh air brendon were not animals that can just be locked in a room and expected to thrive off of the little oxygen we have  
rose cannot lock us in his room like this  
it is an act against humanity and i will not be kept behind doors that limit me from the outside world  
SO I SAY LET US RISE TO THE OCCASSION AND FIGHT FOR OUR FREEDOM AGAINST MR ROSE  
THE REVOLUTION BEGINS TODAY AND IT BEGINS WITH US  
WHOS WITH ME

parfait ray: FUCK YEAH

mr scared of womanly private parts: THIS MAN DESERVES A MEDAL  
LETS GO FUCK SHIT UP

manager gerard: frank wtf ru talking about ur not even in roses class

fronk: im not?

mr scared of womanly private parts: ...  
ru kidding me frank

parfait ray: i had my pitchfork and everything :(

fronk: whoops my bad  
revolution cancelled  
carry on everyone


	28. Story Spectacular 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's take a break from the chaos and have a nice chat, shall we?

 

Hey guys!

So I know this isn't the update everyone wants, but it's one that I thought would be kind of interesting. Or maybe it won't be and I'm wasting my time on this. Either way, I'm gonna post this.

I thought it would be fun if every 25 chapters of this story, I did some kind of celebration. Why? Because although it seems like this story is a place for me to just write down whatever I'm thinking at that moment in the form of a group chat, it's something that I actually put a lot of time into creating. It may have started out that way, but I eventually wanted there to be some kind of story. An impossible story to keep track of, but a story regardless. I want to celebrate something that I'm creating not only by myself, but with you guys, too. I read every comment I receive, and I take them all into consideration as I am writing this chaotic mess.

That being said, this chapter is going to be dedicated to explaining how I write this story, as well as previous ideas I had and ideas I currently have, recognizing readers that I've grown to appreciate tremendously, and some other fun stuff. So, let's jump right in!

**How do I write this story?**

I write this story with a strange set of rules. When you're creating a story that takes place through text messages, it's highly likely that the characters will misspell things along the way, as well as have little care over their grammar. While I personally text with proper grammar, I know a lot of people who don't check their message before sending them. With that in mind, I have a rule against using the backspace key while writing. All the spelling mistakes and painful grammar mistakes are ones that I genuinely make and am not allowed to fix. This whole story is almost like improvisation. You have a very vague topic that you have work off of, and you can't simply say, "No, I'm not going to do that." If you go back and look throughout the story, you'll see mistakes that I had to play off of because I do not allow myself to correct the spelling. My favorite example of this in Chapter 4, where Pete accidentally says "batroom" instead of "bathroom". I literally forgot to type the "h", and had to work off of my mistake. It may sound annoying and tedious, which I admit that it can be, but it makes for interesting ways to create situations in the story.

As well as this, I work with a very thin outline of what I want to do. I think that the biggest rule that I have for myself is that I can't have 4+ chapters in row consumed by a serious topic. When I say "consumed", I am referring to chapters that appear to lack in humor, such as Chapter 10 when Mikey is confronting Pete about Patrick's secret, or Chapter 11 when Frank is doing the same thing to Brendon. It's both because I dislike having chapters that carry such a gloomy feeling in them and because it would be really out of character for the boys to talk like that constantly. For example, I was cutting it close with Chapters 10-12, and thus had to have humor throughout most of 13. If you compare Chapters 10 and 13, you'd see that in Chapter 10, Pete doesn't dodge the questions being asked by Mikey, directly answering them or hesitating to do so, whereas most of the characters being questioned in Chapter 13 avoid answering the question for as long as possible by poking fun at the asker's question or ignoring the question entirely. Dodging questions makes for a lighter chapter, which I believe is more enjoyable to read in between seriousness rather than to have 10 chapters in a row be pure darkness and depressive topics.

I call the sections of this story "arcs". I want every character to go through some kind of struggle that opens up more about them personally and makes them face something they can't face alone. As of now, 8 of the 10 characters have arcs planned, and we've gone through Patrick's arc, which I entitled "The Stumph Arc". It lasted from Chapters 7-15, with the chapters before 7 hinting at its arrival. Our current arc is Brendon's, which I have properly titled "The Benzedrine Arc".

"But Izzy," you may or may not be asking, "how can all of that be going on in a simple group chat story?"

The thing is, I really am a passionate writer. While I don't think too much about the words I am personally writing, I keep in mind the things that a good writer should be paying attention to at all times. I pay close attention to foreshadowing events, such as Patrick being homeless or Brendon being assaulted by Benzedrine. Not only that, but I try to make each boy's personality stand apart from the others while also showing how alike they're personalities truly are, and not just from a comedic standpoint. For example, in this story, Patrick is anxious, self blaming, and protective, whereas Brendon is chaotic, charismatic, and confident. They seem like polar opposites, but if you look at what their arcs did to them, they really aren't that much different. They both were humiliated with what they let happen to them, to the point where they did all they could to hide it from the others. Not only were they trying to protect themselves, but they were trying to avoid creating hysteria among the group. It was two separate personalities and two separate stories, but one shared set of emotions.

I previously mentioned that each character had an arc, and I have 8 out of 10 arcs recorded on some kind of old homework sheet I keep pinned to my cork board. I have a base for what I want them to be about, enough to where I can write quite a few chapters about each, and they all have titles applied to them. I am going to share to you the titles of the ones that have yet to happen, including who they're for and a rough yet spoiler-free description of each one. I'm curious to know what you make of them, and what you think the remaining character's arcs should be like.

In no particular order:

  
_The Poison Arc_ \- **Gerard** has an old "friend" from his past move back into town

_The Rooftop Arc_ \- **Frank** ends up in the hospital after an accident that he can't explain

_T_ _he Mary Kay Arc_ \- **Ray** has to defend himself after a party leaves him with a bad image

_The England Arc_ \- I literally can't describe this one without anything being spoiled. I'll just say that it's the arc for **Mikey**.

_T_ _he Square Arc_ \- **Andy** and **Joe** go through a rough patch that leaves the group in the dark about why.

Tell me your thoughts! I'd love to know what you think is going to happen, or what you think I should do for Pete and Ryan's arcs.

 

**Alternative Chapter Names**

It should come as no surprise that I take pride in my chapter names. If you don't know, all of the chapters in this story are named after something ridiculous that was said/named in the chat during that chapter. I usually write the chapter, read back through it, and bold quotes that I think could be potential title names. After doing that, I have a few friends read the title names and ask which ones they like the best. I thought that you guys might find some enjoyment out of seeing what these chapters could have alternatively have been named. So, here's all the alternative titles for the past 27 chapters!

  
**Chapter 1: ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE STRAIGHT BAIT**  
gay squad is my new affiliation  
stfu you fruitcake

  
**Chapter 2: the lesbian youngbloods**  
why do andy and pete get to be drag queens and we dont  
im 75% offended

  
**Chapter 3: brondom: the condom for bros**  
dairy queen is more important than education  
oh my gosling  
queeb

  
**Chapter 4: shirt on the back of the vomit**  
do you think batman uses trivago??  
hakuna gerada

  
**Chapter 5: b a c k o f f m y t r a m p o l i n e <3**  
ur gay so you cant be straight off the streets  
fresh priest of church  
gerard's barbershop  
the case of mikey boy vs the school doors

  
**Chapter 6: we love us a sandy dick sister**  
my friends are potheads  
ur a wizard gerry

  
**Chapter 7: Stumph to Stump: A Peterick Love Story**  
fucking whisks  
#ripchesterbennington  
right under penises

  
**Chapter 8: my lips are sealed**  
No alternative titles

  
**Chapter 9: its not a jacket its an elifent**  
i am a very dedicated follower of pornism  
mission abortion  
50 shades of elifant

  
**Chapter 10: before i continue PLEASE dont make any jokes about gerard being on his period**  
u cant keep a promise if theyre going to die from the promise itself

  
**Chapter 11: please tell me thats not what i think it was**  
No alternative titles

  
**Chapter 12: hey if anything im the balls**  
hi its brendon and im in pain end my suffering

  
**Chapter 13: i lost my other shoe in the xbox vs ps war of 2018**  
so i bought an xbox off of amazon

  
**Chapter 14: Tight Knit Trio™ + 7**  
andy hold my pants  
sry unavalable currently sobbing in brendons room rip

  
**Chapter 15: gang banged by the gay brethrens**  
dr phil is rays dad confirmed  
can u tell whoever the fuck is banging on the cymbals to SHUT THE FUCK UP  
french really is the language of sex  
well fuck me hard and call me daddy phil

  
**Chapter 16: CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS ISNT AN AIRBENDER U BITCH**  
pass my ass  
eat my big toe frank  
um gerard.exe has stopped working

  
**Chapter 17: why is the chat named after frank and brendons sex toys?**  
yes mikey i got my ass kicked on my neck  
dunked inside a trunk of cream  
omg dont quote dan howell u phanatic  
ww4 is now beginning please take ur seats and enjoy the show

  
**Chapter 18: all those in favor to literally rip out franks tongue and superglue it to his dick say I**  
i forgot that im surrounded by idiots  
im dr daddy phil and i know my meds bois so shut up

  
**Chapter 19: ive been called daddy so many times you would think i have kids**  
avatar: the last urine bender  
patrick in panties

  
**Chapter 20: and then they made jesus jewish bc that makes sense**  
they made sound effects out of celery joe  
hey thats censorship and we dont welcome that here  
checkmate bitch

  
**Chatper 21: picking nintendo dicks**  
no frank its drunk how r u?

  
**Chapter 22: im a gay man y would i need to see a vagina ever**  
long story short i caught a tv on fire  
Y IS ENGLISH SUCH A DRUNK LANGUAGE  
i thought patrick was scared of vaginas

  
**Chapter 23: hot dog camoflage**  
move over hitler weve got wayler in the united states  
i wanna go to school in an inflatable dino costume  
i would wear a hot dog suit to a job interview  
operation mcdonalds meal costume squad  
im going as apple slices because damn im a snack  
i cant be a snack if i eat them all  
call me paul revere cause i wanna give u a midnight ride

  
**Chapter 24: ho ho ho bitch**  
are you telling a pray or is the pray telling u something?  
saving private brendon?  
double date with the scaley boi  
sometimes ur just feeling scaley u know?  
dang it we need another hand holding circle

  
**Chapter 25: im like the violent long lost twin of bob ross**  
pete ur getting detention not arrested  
someone lock me in a storage closet  
frank last time u had a plan we ended up catching a graveyard on fire

  
**Chapter 26: UNHOLY SAXOPHONE**  
this ain't it chief  
#stoppaintballgunabuse2k18  
im bout to feed u 9 shots of paint up ur ass  
cry me a bridge and build me a river when we get to it  
pls tell me more about how kidnapping is illegal  
sharpay taught me to only pay attention to me and that i want fabulous

  
**Chapter 27: celebrity response challenge**  
yru having sec with his house  
i would break up with you if you added jake paul to the chat  
revolution cancelled

 

Wild, isn't it?

  
**Previous Ideas**

Of course, I've had ideas for this story come up that I highly considered, but didn't do for a number of reasons that I can easily provide. Some of them you may disagree with my reasoning, and others you may agree make sense. Whether it be for my own sake or for the sake of my readers, I do have a limit to what I will write. That being said, here are some ideas I have scrapped from writing:

  
**One person in the chat was supposed to rape another person in the chat while drunk.**  
I think this one can go without too much detail. I know that I have readers who have dealt with subjects such as having friends or relationship partners take advantage of them, so I was thinking or about the feelings of the readers. That, and I personally would feel uncomfortable with the whole idea, as it also seems rather out of character for all of the boys to do.

  
**Ryan was supposed to be arrested for assault.**  
What kind of assault? Beats me, because I didn't get that far in the plan. I honestly could see Ryan getting arrested for this in the chat, considering he decked Patrick at the halloween party, but having him get in trouble for violence again would lead a lot of expected violence and a whole lot of plot I feel like wouldn't fit, if that makes sense. I guess it's more a personal preference, but I may come back to this idea.

  
**Patrick and Pete were supposed to be assaulted by homophobic pricks.**  
This was actually my idea for Pete's arc, having the two being hurt by these assholes, then Pete getting in trouble the one time he defends himself thus leading to his expulsion from school. This idea stays in the back of my mind, but I'm more against because it involves Patrick. You all probably caught on to this, but Patrick is definitely my favorite character, and thus I like putting him through the most shit in this story. I don't want the story to seem so "Patrick" though. There are no main characters, just a lot of chaos and characters that stand out more depending on who you are. I may come back to this idea, too, but for now, it's on the back burner.

  
**Mikey and Ray were supposed to get together.**  
I personally can't see this happening. I don't want everyone in the chat to be in a relationship, as I still enjoy having the two single boys flirting with literally everyone without being held back by their partner. You can't be held back by your partner if you don't have one after all. That being said, they could still end up with someone. Just not each other.

  
**Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun were supposed to join the chat.**  
I CAN EXPLAIN! So, I'm very scatter-brained, and thus I don't pay attention to what I'm writing. This actually is rather problematic with this kind of story. In one of the chapters (I believe Chapter 24?), for the first part of it, I completely forgot to write Joe's character in, and had to make it seem like he casually joined. This isn't the first time this has happened, either. I don't like forgetting characters when I'm writing them, but keeping track of 10 people is difficult. I don't want to keep track of 12. I may add them in later, but until I am fully used to writing with who I have, I don't want to add others in.  
That's all I can think of off the top of my head.

  
**Thanks!**

Oh boy, do I have some thanks to give. You guys are literally the best readers ever, and not only do your comments make me laugh, but even some of your usernames are entertaining to read. So, I will now be thanking those who have given the kudos, and some of the most supportive readers I have.

Thank you to:

**Zapuppy** \- I definitely have thanked you on a chapter itself. I love your critism and how you state your thoughts about the story. You are one of those people who when I upload a chapter, I always look forward to your comment popping up in my inbox. That, and you were one of my first readers. I'm so thankful that you are still here  <3

**mediocre_masterpiece** \- YOUR PROFILE PIC OF SOUL PUNK PATRICK IS BEAUTIFUL! That, and I think your comments are hilarious. Between you wishing for more angst (me too, honestly) and your comments that seem to either lack emotion or have an extreme amount, one of my favorites being "WHAT HAPPEED WTF SKEKQJ DH WHY AKJDAJ ILL COMMENT LATER WHEN I HAEB SOEHHETHING OF VALUE TO SQYY", you are definitely a reader that I appreciate  <3

**Ivory_Fangirl** \- I love that you show so much enthusiasm for when a new chapter is uploaded. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right, and it feels really nice to have that reminder that someone really does appreciate what I write  <3

**BRENDON_uries_puppo** \- I love your name so much honestly. One of the things that I do to keep myself upbeat with my writing is that near my laptop, I have a thing of printed comments from my stories. If I'm ever doubting myself, I read them, and they make me feel motivated again. One of my favorites comes from you, saying "YOU ARE AN AMAZING WRITER AND I FULLY SUPPORT YOU. ALSO WHY AM I STILL YELLING. That's better". Thank you for still supporting me after all this time  <3

Honestly, thank you to everyone who comments. Every comment makes me smile, and makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. You guys are the reason I love to write. I feel honored when you say that I make you smile or when you say that you've been looking forward to the updates. I love you guys more than I could ever explain.

Now, to thank the kudos kiddos!

Thank you Pylades_Drunk, MiaTheDork, Lovelypeterick, nicoandtheniners, magosnox, okujosu_san, hellborn, Destroya2000, CyraLightwood, Gai_Lazuli, Samthatonekidwhoshipsstuff, Red_Sinner, MiniSchmidty, Chaoticgumdrop(chaoticphanon), ScarletThePanda, TheBroodingBat, cant_help_falling, clarehelen, starstrucksea, Nicotine_Child, cattheneko, ElizGaming412, PeverellSlytherin, blue_dalmatian, sirenicsouls, i_eat_bugs, vicesgerard, Turtle7, Ivory_Fangirl, NATURALYELLOW, gotemotrash, BRENDON_uries_puppo, HellFire0102, slrandomperson, Stitched_Flipper, CallmeKarma, thatchickwiththepigtails, thewalkinghufflepuff, mediocre_masterpiece, Oskaret1215, Zapuppy, Didgeri_Dont, TheFinnishAustrian, Roead05, Skittleswentz, Wentzlet, and 73 guesty guests! I love you guys!

 

**And so...**

Was this a mistake? I'm not sure yet. But I do know that I will be doing this again on chapter 50, so be prepared! Maybe I'll make that one a Q&A instead of me writing a freaking essay about how I create my story. Or maybe you guys can tell me what I should do instead! What should I do for Chapter 50? I will definitely be revealing more alternative chapter names, doing more thanks, and all that fun jazz. I just want to be more interactive, you know. I am an interactive introvert after all.

Okay I'll go jump off a cliff. Merry Christmas, and thank you guys so much for reading. Love you all <3 <3 <3


	29. NOT MY SEPHORAS

>> Ryan Ross added Patrick Stump to wtf

Ryan Ross: hey i know that u probably hate me right now but i need help and i have no idea what to do and i trust u more than anyone except brendon

Patrick Stump: wow im so honored  
long time no see  
hows life treating you old pal?

Ryan Ross: patrick this is no time for proper greetings

Patrick Stump: oh im sorry  
forgive me for holding some resentment for you suddenly not talking to any of us for two weeks  
and for punching me during brendons halloween party

Ryan Ross: listen i know i fucked up but im serious this is really bad and i dont know how it happened and i dont know what to do please

Patrick Stump: why should i

Ryan Ross: omg patrick please  
u shouldnt help me at all but im still asking

Patrick Stump: what wait  
your not suppose say i shouldnt help i thought you were good at convincing people to do things

Ryan Ross: i dont deserve ur help and i was awful to u and im really fucking sorry  
but i really need ur help i dont know what to do and im panicking like crazy

Patrick Stump: whats wrong

Ryan Ross: i dont know how to word this but  
i think im being framed

Patrick Stump: ??? with?

Ryan Ross: just  
itd be easier if u saw it

>> Ryan Ross sent an image to wtf

Patrick Stump: WAIT WTF  
HOW  
WHY  
IM VERY CONFUSED

Ryan Ross: TRUST ME SO AM I IM SCARED AF  
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IM GONNA BE ARRESTED

Patrick Stump: ummmm can i have a few minutes??  
i need to think

Ryan Ross: yeah  
yeah just  
please man i need help

>> Patrick Stump removed Ryan Ross from wtf

>> Patrick Stump added Frank Iero, Ray Toro, Mikey Way, and Pete Wentz to wtf

Mikey Way: wtf

Ray Toro: wdym wtf

Frank Iero: i prefer wth

Pete Wentz: no the chat is called wtf

Mikey Way: wtf is wtf

Patrick Stump: all of you need to stfu right now 

Frank Iero: oh hey wassup patrick

Patrick Stump: so let me get this straight

Ray Toro: let me get this gay*

Patrick Stump: LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT

Mikey Way: oo damn hes insisting  
must be serious

Pete Wentz: oh hi patrick <3

Patrick Stump: not now pete

Pete Wentz: oh  
is everything ok?

Frank Iero: damn pete get #rejected

Ray Toro: REJECTED  
REJECTED  
YEAH U JUST GOT REJECTED  
R E  
J E  
C T E D REJECTED

Mikey Way: ru quoting zoey 101 at us

Frank Iero: lets be real logan was pretty hot  
like logan reese? more like logan yes please

Patrick Stump: will you guys kindly shut up?

Ray Toro: wow so polite  
patrick this is y ur best mom

Mikey Way: i thought i was best mom

Pete Wentz: mikey no offense but u were never in the running for best mom

Mikey Way: how rude  
let me guess gerard was in the running right?

Frank Iero: i mean  
he is pretty feminine  
and momish  
and pretty hot

Ray Toro: gerard is a milf confirmed

Pete Wentz: sorry milf porn isnt my thing  
i prefer dilfs

Mikey Way: ew y do u guys want to fuck parents?

Frank Iero: hey i like kids thank u very much

Ray Toro: frank no that sounds really bad

Frank Iero: UGH NO IT ONLY SOUNDS BAD BECAUSE UR MIND WENT THERE  
ughhhhh nvm its my own damn fault

Patrick Stump: WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN

Pete Wentz: hey patrick what kind of porn do u watch?

Patrick Stump: what  
i dont watch porn  
now listen

Frank Iero: WTF  
U DONT WATCH PORN

Ray Toro: is it that hard to believe  
i mean were talking about the guy who doesnt like to say vagina so yeah

Mikey Way: patrick my man u havent lived until youve seen two girls go at it  
it makes dicks seem unnecessary

Frank Iero: yeah lesbian porn is like the cherry on top

Pete Wentz: agreed but sometimes gay porn is good too u know?

Ray Toro: wait u guys watch porn even tho ur in relationships?

Pete Wentz: yeah y wouldnt we its not against the law

Frank Iero: its normal to do that especially when ur alone at night

Mikey Way: huh the more u know

Patrick Stump: STOP TALKING ABOUT PORN

Ray Toro: boom i told u  
uncomfortable

Patrick Stump: NO ITS THAT WERE DEALING WITH A CRISIS AND YOU GUYS WONT LISTEN

Frank Iero: not with that attitude i wont

Patrick Stump: frank i will snap all of ur eyeliner pencils if you dont shut up right now

Frank Iero: NOT MY SEPHORAS  
PETE CONTROL HIM

Pete Wentz: babe theres no need to threaten the sephoras like that  
we can discuss this in a calm manner

Patrick Stump: IM TRYING TO BUT YOU GUYS WONT LISTEN

Frank Iero: well duh were texting  
we cant hear u

Patrick Stump: AOWHDOAWHDLAWHD

Mikey Way: or understand u??

Pete Wentz: ok im sorry babe  
were listening now

Patrick Stump: you better be  
remember when we brought b********* out to rays truck and left the school?  
and you guys brought me home and said "dont worry we got this"?  
and then u called and said u put him somewhere that nobody would guess to look for him?

Mikey Way: oh yeah  
man that was a wild day

Ray Toro: ikr?  
makes me want to relive it

Pete Wentz: ummm lets not  
ive had enough heart attacks to last me a lifetime

Frank Iero: where did we put him again?

Patrick Stump: oh you know  
only in RYANS FUCKING BASEMENT!?!?!?

Frank Iero: oh yeahhhh we did put him there  
that was a good prank guys

Ray Toro: yeah i mean can u imagine how surprised he would be to find him there?  
like top 10 prank reactions amirite?

Pete Wentz: ok and whats wrong with that patrick?

Patrick Stump: whats wrong with that?  
WHATS WRONG WITH THAT?

Mikey Way: patrick dont repeat urself it makes u sound delirious

Patrick Stump: IM PRETTY DAMN DELIRIOUS RIGHT NOW

Ray Toro: aw y?

Patrick Stump: are you guys making fun of me?

Frank Iero: wat no  
y would we make fun of u?

Patrick Stump: because this is important and you guys seem to not care in the slightest

Pete Wentz: honey of course we care

Patrick Stump: it sure doesnt seem like it

Ray Toro: come on u know me by now patrick   
im naturally a sarcastic bitch

Mikey Way: ^^^

Frank Iero: were listening ok?  
no more jokes unless theyre seriously needed

Patrick Stump: ok  
so were you guys EVEN REMOTELY SOBER WHEN YOU CHOOSING A PLACE TO PUT HIM???

Frank Iero: idk ask whoever was driving

Ray Toro: that was u frank

Frank Iero: oh rly?  
lol i forgot whoops  
yeah i was sober as a goose on a lake

Mikey Way: what the fuck kind of analogy is that

Frank Iero: well a goose on a lake is sober isnt it

Pete Wentz: sudden thought  
what if the lake is made of alcohol

Frank Iero: shit that just changed the whole equation

Patrick Stump: DO YOU GUYS NOT UNDERSTAND HOW BIG OF A DEAL THIS IS

Pete Wentz: it shouldnt be that big of a deal  
as long as ryan doesnt find to body or report finding it we should be fine

Patrick Stump: oh hey well funny story  
you want to know who made this chat?

Mikey Way: ooooh wait i know this one  
patrick did

Ray Toro: CORRECT  
im so proud of u mikey

Frank Iero: ur brother would be proud  
oo we should add him here

Patrick Stump: NO  
WERE NOT ADDING ANYONE ELSE HERE EXCEPT FOR RYAN

Pete Wentz: wait wtf y would we add ryan

Ray Toro: patrick honey did u hit ur head  
ryan isnt talking to us

Patrick Stump: OKAY LISTEN UP AND IF ANY OF YOU INTERRUPT ME IM GOING TO INDIVIDUALLY BREAK ALL OF UR TOES

Mikey Way: oh really

Patrick Stump: dont fucking test me michael

Mikey Way: oh shit carry on

Ray Toro: patrick i dont like this u its scary

Frank Iero: ikr its like the girl from the ring only its patrick  
the ring ft patrick stump

Pete Wentz: patrick  
honey  
please calm down

Patrick Stump: I WILL CALM DOWN WHEN YOU GUYS REALIZE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS

Pete Wentz: then tell us how serious this is

Patrick Stump: RYAN FOUND BENZEDRINES BODY IN HIS BASEMENT BECAUSE YOU GUYS DIDNT THINK TO HIDE HIM IN AN ACTUAL SECLUDED AREA  
SO HE JUST MESSAGED ME ASKING WHAT TO DO ABOUT A KIDNAPPED MAN HE FOUND IN HIS BASEMENT BECAUSE HES AFRAID OF GETTING FRAMED FOR KIDNAPPING  
SO YEAH RYAN KNOWS SOMETHING IS UP NOW

Ray Toro: o shit  
Y DIDNT U SAY THAT SOONER

Patrick Stump: IM LITERALLY GOING TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF OML

Pete Wentz: fuck fuck fuck  
umm what have u told him???

Patrick Stump: nothing  
he sent me a pic of benzedrine in his basement and asked what to do  
i didnt answer just removed him from the chat

Mikey Way: uhh we need another plan

Ray Toro: FRANK WE NEED ANOTHER PLAN

Frank Iero: Y ME

Pete Wentz: U FIXED THE PLAN LAST TIME DO IT AGAIN

Frank Iero: MY SERVICES R A ONE TIME ONLY DEAL DONT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME

Mikey Way: guys i think we need to tell ryan  
honestly we have so much shit stacked against us and if we tell him we did this for brendon then hell probably keep quiet or help us

Pete Wentz: ^^^^

Patrick Stump: but brendon told us he didnt want to tell anyone

Ray Toro: PATRICK THIS IS NO TIME FOR U TO HAVE MORALS

>> Ray Toro added Ryan Ross to wtf

Patrick Stump: RAY WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Mikey Way: patrick im sorry but we need to get real  
theres no way that we cant tell him

Ryan Ross: ummm wtf is mikey doing here  
wait y is there so many people here now  
patrick wtf

Frank Iero: hey ryan  
long time no see

Ryan Ross: o  
hello frank  
how r u?

Pete Wentz: man i could cut the tension in the chat with a feather

Ray Toro: yeah u guys can deal with ur issues later we have different issues to deal with right now

Patrick Stump: sooo ryan  
theres something that u need to know

Ryan Ross: ok ok but y do these guys need to be here  
wait  
wait  
wait

Mikey Way: 3 waits  
3 is a magic number u kno

Ray Toro: i thought 666 was a magic number

Pete Wentz: u rang?

Frank Iero: get out of here pete ur not satan

Pete Wentz: i mean  
have u ever seen me or satan in the same room together?

Mikey Way: he has a point

>> Ray Toro changed Pete Wentz's name to satan

satan: ive now entered my true form  
bwuhahaha :)

Ryan Ross: OMG U GUYS R THE ONES WHO PUT BENZEDRINE IN MY BASEMENT

Ray Toro: well thats an accusation and a half now isnt it

Frank Iero: y half y not 3 quarters?

satan: an eighth?

Mikey Way: a one billion three hundred forty two million nine hundred thirty seven thousand five hunderd and eighty sixth?

Frank Iero: wow way to be a show off mikey

satan: haha  
WAY to be a show off

Frank Iero: omg gtfo pete

Ryan Ross: YRU GUYS SO CALM ABOUT THIS  
U KIDNAPPED A TEACHER AND PUT HIM IN MY BASEMENT

Patrick Stump: yeah guys shouldnt we talk about this?

Ray Toro: of course not

Patrick Stump: wdym of course not?

Mikey Way: benzedrine did horrible things  
im not proud of what we did but i dont regret it either

Frank Iero: ^^^

satan: ^^^

Patrick Stump: no pete

satan: yas pete

Ray Toro: yas

Mikey Way: yasssssss

>> Ray Toro renamed the chat yasssssss

Ryan Ross: Y DID U PUT HIM IN MY BASEMENT

Frank Iero: i think the real question is y we didnt do it sooner  
dont ya think?

Ryan Ross: NOT REALLY NO

Ray Toro: y do u have to be so difficult ryan  
motivation is a powerful thing u kno

Ryan Ross: WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

satan: ray stop speaking shakespeare

Mikey Way: if william shakespeare's name was in the past tense would his name be wasiwere shookspeared?

>> satan changed Mikey Way's name to wasiwere shookspeared

Frank Iero: ok all jokes and idiotic comments aside  
are we gonna tell him?

Ryan Ross: TELL ME WHAT

wasiwere shookspeared: y we kidnapped benzedrine perhaps?

Patrick Stump: yeah honestly  
im not even going to argue against this we need to tell him

Ray Toro: agreed

Ryan Ross: tell me what  
whats going on

satan: ryan i know u probably dont care especially after everything thats been going on recently  
but we need u to try and stay calm

Ryan Ross: ummm ill stay calm as long as i can?  
whats up

wasiwere shookspeared: ryan  
something happened to brendon

Ray Toro: ryan?  
o god where is he

satan: i knew this was a bad idea

Frank Iero: weve lost a good man today boys  
o wait it still says hes online whoops

Patrick Stump: ryan?  
are you okay?

Ryan Ross: what happened to brendon  
what did benzedrine do to him


	30. mothers fuckers and virgins of the school system

manager gerard: situation in the girls bathroom

fronk: lol thats just how I love to be woken up gerard thanks

viagra: arent you supposed to be at school??

fronk: im supposed to be doing a lot of things patrick  
like getting good grades and taking my depression meds  
but im the king of no seritonin and failing

parfait ray: im the king of new york

burger pete: LOOK AT ME  
IM THE KING OF NEW YORKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

wayler: im in a chat with a bunch of thespians

brenzilla: more like sexpians

candy: dont ever say that again

brenzilla: sexpian

candy: :0

mr scared of womanly private parts: sex piano

fronk: a piano that you have sex on

burger pete: o i did that before  
remember patrick?

viagra: PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ III

burger pete: what im remembering the good old days before u needed viagra to get u excited

>> viagra left celebrity response challenge

parfait ray: look at what u did pete  
this is y hes divorcing u

burger pete: u cant be divorced if u never sign the document

>> burger pete added viagra to celebrity response challenge

burger pete: PLS DONT DIVORCE ME I LOVE U PATRICK :(

viagra: wait what im not divorcing you  
were not even married yet

wayler: aww patrick

viagra: nope nope nope  
i already saw what i did and im not going to comment on it

burger pete: wait hold on  
u want to marry me patrick

viagra: NOT A CONVERSATION FOR THE CHAT THANK YOU NEXT

brenzilla: its thank u next  
by ariana grande

manager gerard: GUYS IM TRYING TO TELL U ABOUT A SITUATION

candy: situation smichuation

mr scared of womanly private parts: situation bitchuation

wayler: i am a bitchuation

manager gerard: okay because no one is asking

parfait ray: bc no one cares

manager gerard: :(

fronk: im sorry gee im listening

manager gerard: okay so it involves patrick and pete

burger pete: MOI?!

mr scared of womanly private parts: god damn it i told u guys not to have a threesome with mr smith  
see what happens when u fuck the french teacher  
u get detention

wayler: wait they fucked mr smith??  
and in the girls bathroom????

fronk: i knew french was the language of sex

viagra: im sorry what now?  
no thats very incorrect

candy: brendon just got kick out of dirnts class for yelling at me from across the room  
wat did patrick and pete do?

parfait ray: horrible things andy  
but also nifty things so way to go on that Bobby

wayler: who tf is bobby

brenzilla: thats mr bryars nickname

candy: wait bryar was there too???

manager gerard: bryar was there too apparently

fronk: yep that deserves suspension  
bryar is eh

wayler: i thought they were getting detention

candy: i thought they were getting expelled??

brenzilla: theyre getting expelled?

mr scared of womanly private parts: its a tragic day in the chat my boys

burger pete: wait whos being expelled?

viagra: me and you i guess

burger pete: o thats fun  
for a good reason right?

manager gerard: wow i would think u would remember pete

fronk: i mean he forgets his own name sometimes so i mean

burger pete: fact  
i literally introduced myself as alex yesterday

wayler: y

burger pete: idk i got confused  
i mean they both have 4 letters

>> parfait ray changed burger pete's name to alex

alex: see now i can genuinely be confused

parfait ray: well time to get expelled too  
cant leave my man patrick behind

alex: what about me??

parfait ray: eh ur alright

mr scared of womanly private parts: oof fucking rekted pete

viagra: but im not being expelled?  
wtf are you guys talking about?

brenzilla: we should start a protest against this expulsion

wayler: fUCK YEAH

manager gerard: mikey control urself

candy: can we really only protest with less than 10 people??

mr scared of womanly private parts: we should get the rest of the school to riot with us

parfait ray: riot?

fronk: RIOT!!!!!!

alex: FUCK YEAH IM READY

viagra: PETE WTF

brenzilla: well seeing as im out of class already im just gonna head on down to the announcement room

parfait ray: oo can i come since im no longer in class???  
i was gonna get expelled with them but this seems more fun

wayler: wat ru gonna say in ur speech?

mr scared of womanly private parts: i have some ideas  
two gay students r being treated unfairly for finding teachers attractive  
theyre 18 and can choose to fuck who they want  
they dont work here and i dont see that rule anywhere in the book

viagra: 1 i dont find the teachers attractive  
2 im 17  
3 the government sends us here so yes technically we work here

mr scared of womanly private parts: damn it patrick y do u have to be such a debby downer

candy: can we go to pennsylvania?

alex: ummm y

fronk: wtf is a pennsylvania?

manager gerard: frank honey we talked about this  
its that one state underneath  
um  
fuck wheres pennsylvania

wayler: its under new york u dumbass

parfait ray: y r we going to pennsylvania?

candy: bc joe just messaged me pennsylvania and now i want to go there

mr scared of womanly private parts: oh whoops i meant to say protest  
sorry autocorrect

candy: o ok happens to the best of us

viagra: wait were just ignoring the fact that PROTEST was corrected to PENNSYLVANIA

wayler: i dont see the problem here

brenzilla: so i wrote the speech what do you guys think  
mothers fuckers and virgins of the school system  
this school tries to tell us that we have freedom to be adults and stuff  
but two of my good friends are about to be expelled for having sex with two teachers  
now i know that sounds weird but lets be real we have some attractive ass teachers  
having sex with the teachers is not against school rules or against the law bc theyre both 18  
so y cant they have sex with the teachers??  
its time for us to rebel against the school and help my two friends with this problem  
with our help nobody will have to be expelled for having sex with teachers with consent  
IF WE WANT TO FUCK TEACHERS WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO FUCK TEACHERS

fronk: omg thats beautiful  
u should run for president with that kind of speech

>> parfait ray changed brenzilla's name to president urie

president urie: were going to knock down the wall gentlemen and gentlemen

parfait ray: r we gonna go read it?  
ive got my oprah voice ready  
*opera 

>> candy changed parfait ray's name to oprah

oprah: gASP  
ive upgraded  
im ready to read the speech

viagra: NO  
N O  
DO NOT READ THAT TO ANYBODY

alex: y?  
i dont want us getting expelled patrick

viagra: WERE NOT GETTING EXPELLED

alex: were not?  
since when?

viagra: NEVER WE WERE NEVER GETTING EXPELLED  
DAMN IT GERARD LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID

manager gerard: WTF DID I DO  
JOES THE ONE WHO SAID U GUYS WERE FUCKING TEACHERS

mr scared of womanly private parts: NO I DIDNT  
O WAIT YES I DID NVM IGNORE ME

president urie: AM I READING THE SPEECH OR NOT

parfait ray: YES

president urie: OK

viagra: NO DONT U DARE

wayler: Y IS EVERYONE YELLING

fronk: IKR IM SCARED

candy: um guys  
its started

fronk: the ONE TIME im not at school i stg

manager gerard: o i just saw patrick walk by  
boy he looks pissed off u guys might want to skirt on outta there

fronk: skirt skirt

wayler: skirt skirt skirt

mr scared of womanly private parts: woof woof woof

alex: gasp

candy: what the actual fuck ru guys doing

parfait ray: hey y did u unplug the announcement system?

alex: patrick dont be rude  
theyre just trying to help us 

viagra: PETE I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND

alex: do tell?

viagra: WE WERE NEVER IN TROUBLE TO BEGIN WITH  
GERARD CAME IN THE CHAT TO TELL US SOMETHING AND JOE ASSUMED WE HAD SEX WITH TWO TEACHERS  
SO EVERYONE THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING EXPELLED SO BRENDON WROTE A SPEECH TO GET THE SCHOOL TO REBEL AGAINST AN EXPULSION WE DONT HAVE  
NOW ME BRENDON AND RAY ARE ALL GETTING SUSPENDED FOR INTERRUPTING THE SCHOOL DAY WITH THE ANNOUNCEMNETS

alex: really?  
man thats crazy

fronk: well kids  
weve all been apart of a crazy event today  
whats the moral of our story?

viagra: your friends are your enemies when it comes to story telling

alex: pay more attention to whats happening

president urie: i would make a great president

oprah: i am a god bc i am oprah

fronk: go to school on the days where everything is going to hell

candy: wait i wasnt even a part of this really so i guessed i learned about spanish american war in history class

manager gerard: dont say that u have news about ur friends with joe around

mr scared of womanly private parts: dont say that ur friends had sex with the teachers

wayler: dont have sex with the teachers

viagra: OMG WE DIDNT

manager gerard: yeah wtf ru guys talking about  
they didnt have sex with the teachers

mr scared of womanly private parts: they didnt???

fronk: watchu talkin bout willis?

president urie: so wait wat were u talking about?

manager gerard: the situation was that there r 2 girls who are gonna ask pete and patrick out

candy: ru kidding me gerard

viagra: OMG THAT WAS THE SITUATION?!?!  
THATS WHAT I GOT SUSPENDED FOR

alex: i mean  
would u really be able to say no to a girl if she asked u at patrick  
u would say yes bc u dont want to hurt her feelings

viagra: ....  
okay you have a point


	31. some trohman disease

candy: can someone change my name it's been 4 damn months since halloween

>> oprah changed candy's name to hurley quinn

hurley quinn: this isnt what i wanted

oprah: u should have been more specific

mr scared of womanly private parts: hey mikey wanna shower with me?

wayler: wtf no???

manager gerard: joe stop sexually harrassing my brother

president urie: im offended that i wasnt asked first?

alex: ^^^

viagra: pete no

hurley quinn: hey joe  
can i remind u that were in a relationship

mr scared of womanly private parts: u dont need to remind me babe <3

fronk: i dont think u see the issue joe

mr scared of womanly private parts: dont u guys know what day it is?

oprah: tuesday

mr scared of womanly private parts: no stfu ray  
its national shower with a friend day

viagra: are you kidding me

fronk: HELL YEAH

oprah: welp time to lather up

alex: oml pls dont ever say that again

hurley quinn: i dont believe that

wayler: hold on im looking it up

president urie: this holiday better be real or i stg im gonna sue america

alex: if its not real ill help petition to make it real

manager gerard: sign my name on that fucking paper pete

viagra: didnt you just get mad at joe for asking mikey???

manager gerard: yeah bc mikes is my bro and i must protect him from diseases

mr scared of womanly private parts: um #rude  
im not just some trohman disease

viagra: “not just some trohman disease”

oprah: ah yes  
i remember when my grandma fell victim to Some Trohman Disease™

>> fronk renamed the chat Some Trohman Disease™

wayler: guys  
its a real national holiday

viagra: of course it is

fronk: HELL YES  
ITS TIME BOYS

president urie: im ready to present my gorgeousness to one of u lucky ducks

manager gerard: u two r way too excited about this

president urie: bc this is our destiny gerard  
our ancestors have trained us for this day

mr scared of womanly private parts: can u imagine if that was a plot point in mulan?  
her ancestors telling her she has to shower with one of her friends?

wayler: but all of her friends are either animals or much older men?

mr scared of womanly private parts: exactly  
now whos gonna shower with me

>> hurley quinn removed mr scared of womanly private parts from The Trohman Disease™ 

alex: hey dont be mean andy hes expressing his thoughts

hurley quinn: i know and trust me i love him  
but hearing him talk about us showering with somebody else makes me feel weird

president urie: wait ru afraid hell do something

hurley quinn: o no of course not i trust joe  
i just dont want to do it bc i feel like id be cheating on him and i dont like that

wayler: aww thats precuss  
NI FUCK I HATE THAT WORD DONT BRING IT BACK

manager gerard: ni

oprah: NANI?!?!

alex: NEKU SAKURABA SHIKI MISAKI DAISUKENOJO BITO SHO MINAMIMOTO SANAE HANEKOMA MEGUMI KITANIJI?!?!

viagra: pete listing off characters from the world ends with you doesnt make you lingual in japanese

>> viagra added mr scared of womanly private parts to Some Trohman Disease™ 

>> mr scared of womanly private parts changed mr scared of womanly private parts's name to some trohman disease

oprah: AH WE LOST AN ICON

some trohman disease: that name was way too long to read  
i mean this name isnt much better but it has a horrible acronym

president urie: wat its just std

fronk: PFTTTT I LOVE THAT

president urie: ???? confused????

wayler: god fucking damn it brendon

alex: i can practically hear the jeopardy music

viagra: omg okay so  
look at the acronym  
std

president urie: yeah i am but i dont see the problem

hurley quinn: omg is this a bit?

manager gerard: brendon  
std  
STD

president urie: wait  
oh  
OHHHHH  
omg fuck no u cant just not pass that up

>> president urie changed some trohman disease's name to std

alex: see THIS is y i voted u for prez

std: t(-_-t) so this whole shower with a friend thing  
yall in?

president urie: fuck yeah

fronk: ^^^

oprah: i wanna shower with some hot dudes so yes  
baddum tiss

manager gerard: sure

alex: yes and yes for patrick too

viagra: um id like to file a complaint??

alex: u dont have to if u dont want to  
just know that i wont do anything to anyone and i trust u so i know u wont either

viagra: really?  
okay im in

std: kk that leaves mikey and andy  
u guys in???

hurley quinn: baby i love u and u know it  
but i cant possibly do this without feeling like im cheating on u  
im perfectly fine with u doing it but its just not for me

std: aw ily2 <3 ty baby

wayler: k fine im in  
we need an even number anyways so yeah

std: alright im gonna put everyones names in a cup and pull them out  
any rules we should follow for name drawing?

oprah: well im assuming no relationship pairs  
u know the whole friends part of the name 

manager gerard: and me and mikey cant be paired together

std: y

manager gerard: bc we  
wait did u rlly ask WHY??

std: yeah were all friends here right??

hurley quinn: *slams head on desk*

alex: *proteccs head from hitting desk*

hurley quinn: aw thanks pal

wayler: joe  
me and gerard r brothers  
remember

std: …  
i apologize i had a lapse in memory  
this was a serious thing and i was not joking i legit forgot u guys were brothers and i very much apologize

president urie: this whole day has been all of us forgetting basic facts about things we should know

fronk; by all do u mean u and joe

president urie: yes

wayler: r the names ready??

std: yus  
r u ready kids?

oprah: AYE AYE CAPTAIN

alex: OMG THEY SHOULD HAVE PLAYED SWEET VICTORY AT THE SUPERBOWL

manager gerard: O DONT EVEN GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON THAT SHIT

hurley quinn: this whole chat is definition of ADD i stg

fronk: i mean  
even u cant deny that they should have played it  
it was an injustice  
fuck sicko mode

hurley quinn: yeah but still  
theres a quest and were supposed to be on it

viagra: exactly so joe who gets who

std: okay okay dont get your pants in a bundle  
first up is brendon

president urie: hell yes  
whos the lucky gentlemen

std: gerard

fronk: UM ID LIKE TO COMPLAIN

manager gerard: lol its ok frank

fronk: NO ITS NOT BRENDON IS HOT AS SHIT

manager gerard: well yeah i cant even deny that but im dating u remember?  
i love u and no amount of pretty is gonna make me think otherwise

fronk: aww ily2 gee  
wait was i just insulted 

manager gerard: :D <3

std: next  
patrick

viagra: hell yes  
whos the unlucky gentlemen

alex: aww patrick dont be like that :(

hurley quinn: hey now  
none of that  
u r a beautiful person and i refuse to think otherwise

wayler: yeah fr patrick  
if i could get anyone id love to get u tbh  
mostly bc ur the most gentle besides andy

viagra: thank you?

std: well ur wish came true mikey bc ur with patrick

wayler: ayee see things work out

manager gerard: omg the chaotic four r the last ones

oprah: chaotic four?

manager gerard: yeah  
joe pete frank and ray  
sometimes mikey but most u four

fronk: im perfectly ok with this  
whoever i end up with is gonna help me make break the shower anyway so whatevs

std: ok  
frank

fronk: now whos going to prison with me

std: alex  
fuck sorry i meant pete

alex: WOOOO  
TIME TO BLOW THE SHOWER

president urie: when u give ur shower a blow job while ur friend is showering with u lms if u relate

oprah: o that means im with joe fuck yeah  
team jr together again

std: what do u mean again we were never a team 

viagra: yeah u were remember the science fair??

manager gerard: o yeah yall broke six windows with a boomerang that didnt work

oprah: it worked it came back didnt it

hurley quinn: yeah bc joe through it back into the room at u  
and one of those times he hit a project with fire knocked over the fire and lit the curtain

oprah: no need to sweat the minor details  
joe im coming over to ur house to shower with u

std: kk

wayler: gerard get out

manager gerard: no u

wayler: just go to brendons house ffs

manager gerard; y cant u go to patricks house

viagra: what house gerard

president urie: oo damn i can taste the salt from here and im across town

manager gerard: o shit im so sorry

viagra: lol no its cool i dont care  
but yeah go to brendons he has a nice bathroom

alex: fact  
FRANKLIN GET UR ASS OVER TO MY HOUSE

fronk: UR NOT MY MOM  
but ok im on my way

std: alright  
every come back after this all is over and well update got it

hurley quinn: dont do anything stupid

manager gerard: *salute*

fronk: omg u nazi

manager gerard: bitch

fronk: :D <3

manager gerard: ok i had that coming


	32. whats got ur fidgets spinning?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoops ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

fronk: PETE HAS HAIRY TOES

alex: STFU FRANK

>> alex removed fronk from Some Trohman Disease™

manager gerard: hey thats my bf u prick

alex: o rly i wasnt aware thank u for updating me

>> manager gerard added fronk to Some Trohman Disease™

viagra: frank dont make fun of petes toes  
hes a sensitive man

wayler: didnt he literally push brendon down a staircase like 5 months ago??

oprah: we dont talk about those times mikey  
those were dark times in the group chat

president urie: UM GUYS

hurley quinn: hey wheres joe??

std: have i been summoned?

hurley quinn: why is ur neck covered in purple paint

std: its not purple its indigo mind u  
and i got these scars in art class

oprah: but we had art yesterday not today

std: ok listen here  
i dont need ur technicalities

president urie: GUYS WERE HAVING A SITUATION BITCHUATION

wayler: oo havent had one of those in like a week

alex: o god whats going on

manager gerard: r more people have sex in the bathrooms??

president urie: NO AND EVERYONE STFU CAUSE THIS IS  
HOLY FUCK IDK WHAT TO DO FUCK

fronk: yo dude chill out  
whats got ur fidgets spinning?

oprah: whats got ur haters dabbing?

alex: whats got ur nae naes whipping?

wayler: whats got ur tumblr triggered?

std: whats got ur porn lagging?

hurley quinn: andddd thats done

president urie: U GUYS KNOW HOW BENZEDRINE HAS BEEN MISSING FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS

manager gerard: o yeah  
i kinda forgot he existed tbh

president urie: I KNOW WHERE HE IS AND IM FREAKING OUT

viagra: um   
where exactly is he?

president urie: HES DEAD

hurley quinn: umm ok?  
good conspiracy theory

president urie: NO IM SERIOUS

alex: and how do u know hes dead?

president urie: BC HIS BODY IS IN MY BASEMENT

>> president urie sent an image to Some Trohman Disease™

manager gerard: WHAT THE FUCK  
H O W

alex: DUDE WHAT DID U DO

president urie: I DINT DO ANYTJING  
GUYS WAT DO I DO

viagra: sorry one moment

>> viagra removed president urie from Some Trohman Disease™

viagra: ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING INSANE

alex: HEY IM JUST AS SURPRISED AS U IDK HOW TF HE DIED  
ASK THE TWO WHO FUCKING MOVED HIS BODY

fronk: WE DIDNT LEAVE HIM IN BRENDONS BASEMENT WTF

oprah: YEAH WE LEFT HIM IN THE PARK LIKE 3 MILES AWAY

wayler: THEN HOW TF DID HE GET THERE

viagra: fuck just  
we need to tell ryan

>> viagra added slenderross to Some Trohman Disease™

slenderross: wow i havent been here in a while

fronk: WERE HAVING A CRISIS IN THE KITCHEN

slenderross: oo fun whats up  
wait hold on

oprah: guys im freaking out what do we do we didnt do this but it looks a lot like we did

alex: so u guys DIDNT put him in brendons basement

fronk: EXACTLY WE PUT HIM ON THE BENCH OF THE PARK WITH ALL THE TAPE AND ROPES OFF  
WE DIDNT KILL HIM OR LEAVE HIM WITH BRENDON

manager gerard: umm frank?  
wat did u do?

fronk: gerard please listen everything got really out of hand and i dont know what to do and if u want to leave do it bc this is so fucked and idk how we fix this shit  
fucking hell

manager gerard: u guys have to get rid of the body

fronk: wait wat

wayler: gerard wtf ur HELPING US?

manager Gerard: well duh  
i love frank and ur my brother im not just gonna watch u do this alone and potentially get arrested  
so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

hurley quinn: yeah ill help too

std: same u guys r fucking idiots  
who leaves a body in a basement?  
especially of the person the guy assaulted?

oprah: but the problem is we DIDNT  
we didnt leave him there

viagra: so how the fuck did he get there??

alex: yo he looks like he was hit on the back of the head  
and we didnt do that so it couldnt have been us  
we only shot him in the head with a paintball gun at point blank range

hurley quinnn: ok so i wont ask but wtf???

slenderross: ok so  
im VERY much confused and i want to help  
i have an rv so we can move him easier

wayler: ok but where r we going

hurley quinn: pennsylvania

std: ur not gonna let me live that down ru

viagra: wait should we tell brendon  
it would be weird to sudden show up at his house ready to move someone

manager gerard: yeah we should

>> oprah added president urie to Some Trohman Disease™

president urie: ok ok whats going on

slenderross: hi brendon

president urie: hi ryan  
wait  
y is ryan here

fronk: ok brendon heres whats up  
were taking benzedrine to pennsylvania and were gonna bury him there so that nobody will find him  
also we might have knocked him on conscious while trying to turn in school footage of the r**** to the police #whoops

viagra: BUT WE DIDNT KILL HIM OKAY  
we just knocked him out by accident freaked out bc of all the blood and took him and THESE IDIOTS HID HIM AT RYANS HOUSE

oprah: IT WAS A GOOD PLAN

std: OMG RU FR RAY  
THATS SO FUCKING STUPID

oprah: thanks joe i appreciate it

president urie: ik u guys didnt do it

alex: thank fuck

president urie: i did

slenderross: wait  
wait  
wat

manager gerard: brendon?

wayler: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

oprah: nope nope nope when i joined this chat this is NOT what i agreed to

viagra: brendon please tell me youre joking  
please  
why arent you saying youre joking

fronk: THEN Y WERE U FREAKING OUT WHEN U CAME IN THE CHAT

president urie: BC I WAS SCARED AND CONFUSED AND I STILL AM  
I WAS WALKING IN THE PARK TO CLEAR MY HEAD AND I SAW HIM LAYING ON A BENCH LOOKING BEAT UP SO I HELPED HIM BC IM NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON  
AND WHEN HE WOKE UP HE STARTING ANTAGONIZING ME THINKING I DID IT AND HE STARTED CALLING ME SHIT AND TOUCHING ME  
SO I FREAKED OUT AND PUSHED HIM BACK AND HE HIT HIS HEAD HARD ON A ROCK AND PASSED OUT  
I BROUGHT HIM BACK TO MY HOUSE TO FIX THE WOUND BUT THEN DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIM SO I LEFT HIM IN MY BASEMENT SO MY PARENTS WOULDNT FIND OUT  
HE MUST HAVE HAD SOME KIND OF INTERNAL BLEEDING OR SOMETHING BECAUSE WHEN I WENT TO CHECK ON HIM THIS MORNING HE WASNT BREATHING

std: THIS IS THE WEIRDEST MOVIE PLOT IVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE

hurley quinn: guys we have to get rid of him  
brendon r ur parents home

president urie: no  
no theyre at a friends house

slenderross: im coming over with my rv  
were going to pennsylvania and burying him

fronk: im going with u guys

manager gerard: then im going too im not letting u go without me frank

wayler: fuck then im going too i wont be able to come up with a good excuse for mom and dad

viagra: shit does that mean i have to go too?  
i live with you guys and i cant lie to save my soul

alex: dear maria, count me in

oprah: damn this is one weird ass road trip

std: think of it more as an experience that will bring us together ray  
either as friends or prison inmates

hurley quinn: JOE TROHMAN

std: IM SORRY IM TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD

wayler: YEAH ITS NOT WORKING

alex: LISTEN UP

>> alex has changed alex's name to commander alex

commander alex: heres whats gonna happen  
BRENDON ur gonna work at cleaning up everything in ur basement to make sure nobody could possibly know about him  
RYAN u bring the rv and pick up ray  
im going to go buy a carpet from walmart  
GERARD and FRANK u head to brendons and when i get there with the carpet wrap his body up in it  
RAY help ryan clean up the rv and make plenty of room for us all and the carpet  
ANDY and JOE find a way to get rid of his car and forge a note of resignation for the school  
PATRICK u find a place to bury the body  
MIKEY u need to come up with a logical reason for us all to be in pennsylvania something like a field trip for school or something  
once u have that reason send it to the rest of us   
everyone tell ur parents that were going camping for a few days and give no extra details if not asked  
we all need to meet at brendons in 1 hour  
then were gonna shut down the chat and head out  
got it?

viagra: it scares me how fast you came up with that plan

president urie: im so so sorry i didnt mean for this to happen nothing was supposed to get this bad i didnt mean to do this

slenderross: itll be fine bren  
and im sorry that i didnt listen when u said nothing was going on  
were going to help u ok?

fronk: yeah and if we get arrested no school so win win i guess???

manager gerard: way to stay positive frank

wayler: ok see u guys in hell

oprah: mikey dont be so negative

wayler: O IM SOOO SORRY THAT IM KIND OF ON EDGE ABOUT ALL OF THIS

std: the edge of what?

hurley quinn: glory

wayler: i hate all of u so much i stg


	33. if i could i would give you guys the biggest hugs definitely homo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nope, not dead yet kids

>> Pete Wentz added Patrick Stump, Joe Trohman, Andy Hurley, Gerard Way, Frank Iero, Mikey Way, Ray Toro, Brendon Urie, Ryan Ross, Katy Perry, Ashley Tisdale, John Mulaney, Travie McCoy, Taylor Swift, Brian May, Robert Smith, Daniel Howell, and Phil Lester to fuck mountain

Andy Hurley: wow u even added the celebrities in thats dedication

Ryan Ross: y r there so many celebrities?

Pete Wentz: o right u werent here  
we all have a betting pool going on right now with celebrities where we all add a celebrity and put 50 dollars into a betting pool  
whoevers celebrity responds first wins all the money

Ryan Ross: o thats cool can i add someone

>> Ryan Ross added Matthew Patrick to the chat

Patrick Stump: i knew he would make it into the chat eventually  
even if i wasnt the one to add him  
also what the hell is that name pete???

Joe Trohman: ah fuck mountain  
where all the fucks i once gave went to live

Ray Toro: thats so poetic

Mikey Way: guys im having a crisis

Gerard Way: no mikey we cant have a crisis right now  
i already have a full schedule

Frank Iero: im sitting right next to u no we do not

Gerard Way: ummm its movie night so we have a very busy schedule

Frank Iero: movie night was cancelled when u brought cinderella story to my house

Brendon Urie: GASP  
SELENA GOMEZ WAS AMAZING IN THAT MOVIE U SHUT UR MOUTH

Ryan Ross: bren that was another cinderella story

Brendon Urie: which cinderella story was it?

Andy Hurley: was there more than one?

Ryan Ross: no she was in another cinderella story

Pete Wentz: which cinderella story was she in if she wasnt in cinderella story

Ryan Ross: omg she was in another cinderella story

Brendon Urie: i feel like were not making any progress

Patrick Stump: no it was literally called that  
Another Cinderella Story™

Brendon Urie: ooooo ok  
wait then what was the original cinderella story

Ray Toro: thats the one with hilary duff

Brendon Urie: o fuck that that was an awful movie

Gerard Way: I HAPPEN TO LIKE THIS MOVIE A LOT THANK U NEXT

Frank Iero: yeah but u could have brought pitch perfect over gerard  
pitch perfect

Patrick Stump: you didnt bring him pitch perfect  
how dare you reject anna kendrick like that

Mikey Way: guys  
crisis

Gerard Way: o lol i forgot  
whats up brethren?

Mikey Way: i have this british student in my history class and weve been arguing about this for about 2 hours now on instagram  
is this a cookie or a biscuit

>> Mikey Way sent an image to fuck mountain

Joe Trohman: a cookie

Brendon Urie: a cookie

Ryan Ross: but isnt it a biscuit in england?

Frank Iero: but biscuits r made of bread  
and u put butter on them

Gerard Way: yeah but the british eat biscuits with tea

Pete Wentz: so they eat cookies with tea?  
thats kind of gross

Patrick Stump: not really most people who drink tea eat some kind of sweet with it

Ray Toro: so they eat buttered bread with their tea???

Andy Hurley: no they eat cookies with their tea

Mikey Way: so its a cookie?

Brendon Urie: yes

Gerard Way: well i mean in britain its a biscuit 

Joe Trohman: wait so its not a cookie?

Ryan Ross: it is a cookie but not to the british

Patrick Stump: we call it a cookie but they call it a biscuit

Ray Toro: that doesnt make any sense  
so are we calling it a cookie or a biscuit??

Daniel Howell: oh for fucks sake  
in america u call them cookies and in the uk we call them biscuits  
its the same thing but with two different names  
and because ur from america u would call it a cookie  
but those of us from the uk would call it a biscuit

Patrick Stmp: exactly thank u dan  
wait  
WAIT

Pete Wentz: WAT THE FUCJAWLJDHAWOHDU

Frank Iero: this cant be real  
theres no way ur real

Daniel Howell: just bc im on a screen? lol no  
ive been getting notifs from u guys for a while i wanted to check out whats been happening  
and i come on and see u guys arguing about biscuits

Mikey Way: I WIN THE BET BITCHES

Ryan Ross: SON OF A BITCH I JUST ENTERED IT TOO WTF

Andy Hurley: DAMN IT IT COULD HAVE BEEN PHIL

Phil Lester: im sorry dan got here first  
hes always on his phone so he kind of has an advantage

Daniel Howell: this is a true fact

Andy Hurley: i literally cant breathe omg

Gerard Way: im shaking so much right now  
like  
omg i have so much i want to say and ask and i dont know how to say it

Joe Trohman: same  
do u guys fuck each other

Frank Iero: PFTTTTTT

Patrick Stump: JOE TROHMAN   
DONT ASK THINGS LIKE THAT  
im sorry thats none of our business

Phil Lester: thank u  
and no we dont  
were just 2 bros

Daniel Howell: chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause theyre not gay

Ray Toro: well damn i owe u 10 bucks joe

Mikey Way: i am so sorry about these two i stg not all of us r so perverted

Daniel Howell: lol its cool  
trust me even some of our closer friends think we shag off camera

Phil Lester: its as if the whole world is playing matchmaker with us but not doing it very well

Brendon Urie: wait wait wait  
u guys have been seeing our notifs this whole time

Daniel Howell: yee  
we have so much blackmail prepared just in case

Patrick Stump: UMM

Daniel Howell: lol jk its fine were not gonna hold that stuff against you  
lips r sealed

Frank Iero: haha  
seal

Patrick Stump: u guys arent going to say anything???

Daniel Howell: of course not  
u guys didnt do it on purpose and the guy seemed like a fucking ass  
honestly i probably would have done what u guys did if i was in brendons shoes

Phil Lester: well i mean lets not get hasty here  
u didnt want to murder harris did u?

Daniel Howell: hush hush

Pete Wentz: um concerned?

Daniel Howell: dont be  
harris was an ex that didnt treat me very well but i practically yeeted him out of my life

Pete Wentz: YEET

Ryan Ross: *applause*  
good ridense

Mikey Way: "ridense" me too

Andy Hurley: wait so ur actually gay?

Daniel Howell: um  
well  
thats a question now isnt it

Ray Toro: u no wat they say  
all questions end with a question mark

Ryan Ross: nobody says that

Ray Toro: objection my english teachers say that

Gerard Way: its ok if ur not comfortable talking about it dan  
u dont have to force urself to say anything if u dont feel like it

Phil Lester: the thing is  
the internet likes to fetishize us

Joe Trohman: o trust me i know ive read some of the fics  
though i will say dan would look pretty snazzy in a maids dress

Daniel Howell: i look good in everything

Phil Lester: if dan were to say anything to anyone in the phandom about possibly being something that isnt exactly straight then it could result in either us losing a large sum of our fans or in dan being fetishized even more and trying to force him into relationships  
its both a business strategy and a way to protect ourselves  
im trying not to sound extremely selfish while explaining this

Patrick Stump: no that makes perfect sense  
like gerard said before you guys arent obligated to tell us anything about yourselves  
having you here and talking to you is all any of us could want

Gerard Way: yeah like u guys dont understand  
if i could i would give you guys the biggest hugs definitely homo  
im just so thankful for everything youve done to help me get through my dark times  
thank you for helping me through the worst of myself

Daniel Howell: holy shit i feel like im about to cry  
ur a tough cookie gerard

Mikey Way: dont u mean  
a tough biscuit

Brendon Urie: mikey no

Phil Lester: mikey yes


	34. bitch i hear u watching yuri on ice downstairs on tv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy "Last Day Of Pride Month Day" everyone! There's no way I wasn't gonna upload something for this month. I just decided to make you guys wait extra long, like a jerk ;)
> 
> Anyways, I'm so proud of Dan for coming out this month? It inspired me to confess how I feel about my best friend (I'm not in love with him, I just can't imagine going on in my life without him being there) and now we are in a queer-platonic relationship, so YA YEET KIDS.
> 
> Enjoy this latest installment in The Adventures of the Bandom and the Phandom™

Gerard Way: children i have a proposition

Frank Iero: u bet u have a pro position ;)

Ray Toro: say it with me now kids  
GET  
A  
ROOM

Pete Wentz: patrickkkk

Patrick Stump: yes pete?

Pete Wentz: dirnts being a bitchhhh

Patrick Stump: isnt he always?

Joe Trohman: arent u 2 in the same class right now?

Patrick Stump: nope im on a field trip for sandmans class  
were going to an old technology parts store to buy parts to build a computer  
its a competition

Daniel Howell: wtf how do u guys get to do that in your school systems?

Ryan Ross: do u not?

Brendon Urie: shitttttt i forgot about the field trip  
im on my way

Patrick Stump: um the bus already left?  
and you cant drive??

Brendon Urie: shhhhhh not important

Phil Lester: dan y did i just hear u scream upstairs?

Daniel Howell: theres a moth on the wall  
fuck  
phil come kill it

Phil Lester: im busy right now?

Daniel Howell: bitch i hear u watching yuri on ice downstairs on tv

Andy Hurley: gASP H O W  
THAT SHOWS NOT ON TV 

Phil Lester: hdmi cords are a blessing in disguise andy

Gerard Way: kids i was gonna tell u guys something

Mikey Way: GERARD DID U EAT THE LAST POPSICLE

Gerard Way: wait wat  
y?

Mikey Way: ITS NOT IN THE FREEZER

Ryan Ross: mikey r u home?

Mikey Way: yee bois  
got my tonsils removed yesterday so i gotta stay home and Die™  
and i WAS gonna eat a popsicle to feel better but SOMEONE ate the last one

Gerard Way: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WE HAD POPSICLES

Patrick Stump: wait  
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN EATING MY POPSICLES?!  
WHAT THE HELL

Phil Lester: and the plot thickens

Andy Hurley: the cluck chickens

Brendon Urie: the charles dickens

Frank Iero: the witch wickens

Pete Wentz: the flu sickens

Gerard Way: the final day of the pride festival is tonight and i want to go with u guys

>> Gerard Way has sent a link to the chat.

Joe Trohman: WHAT

Ray Toro: FUCK YEAH I WANNA GO MEET GAY PEOPLE

Pete Wentz: o yeah i forgot about that  
patrick we should go

Patrick Stump: yeah of course we will

Mikey Way: wow u went from denying ur sexuality to going to pride  
im a proud mom

Ryan Ross: but i thought gerard was mom?

Mikey Way: well RYAN maybe i wanna be mom

Ryan Ross: no

Mikey Way: i cri

Frank Iero: hey dont cry  
craft

Daniel Howell: oh god no  
stop it  
bad frank

Frank Iero: #whoops

Phil Lester: i wish we could go to pride

Brendon Urie: y dont u?

Daniel Howell: because were still in the closet  
and famous  
and people would actually go insane  
and itd be not good

Phil Lester: we already have enough rumours spread  
we dont want any more

Patrick Stump: well  
why dont you guys come to america and we can disguise you?  
then you can come to pride with us?

Phil Lester: wait really  
do you mean that  
youll actually do that for us

Daniel Howell: HELL YEAH  
I WANNA GO TO PRIDE  
PHIL LETS GO TO PRIDE

Phil Lester: OK OK GEEZ THIS IS EXTREMELY LAST MINUTE  
ok there is a flight heading out to LA in 2 hours  
DAN START PACKING RIGHT NOW

Daniel Howell: YESSSSS  
THANK U PATICK ILYSM <3

Patrick Stump: dont thank me  
you two should be able to be proud of who you are

Ray Toro: bois this is gonna be more lit than the project im working on  
i lit it on fire please help

Brendon Urie: how did u do that

Ray Toro: because i threw chemicals that didnt need to be there on it and lit it on fire  
duh

Andy Hurley: ray we talked about this

Joe Trohman: WERE IN THE FUCKING ART ROOM HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THIS RAY

Gerard Way: youve heard of murder in the manor  
now get ready for  
arson in the art room

>> Mikey Way renamed the chat arson in the art room

Joe Trohman: o also  
kids tell me ur SEXUAL IDENTITTIES

Frank Iero: ha  
titties

Joe Trohman: i wanna give u pride themed nicknames

Daniel Howell: ummm while i appreciate the idea im not sure if i feel comfortable talking about this???

Pete Wentz: o i got this  
me you patrick ray gerard and mikey are gay  
frank brendon ryan are bi  
andy and dan are pan  
phil is queer

Daniel Howell: wait  
how the fuck did u know that  
wut

Phil Lester: thats slightly scary but ur right so whatever

Gerard Way: hey im not gay  
im fabulous

Andy Hurley: and gay

Joe Trohman: alright kids let me work my magic

>> Joe Trohman changed Pete Wentz's nickname to Pete Menz

>> Joe Trohman changed Patrick Stump's nickname to Patrick Suck

>> Joe Trohman changed Ray Toro's nickname to Gay Toro

>> Joe Trohman changed Gerard Way's nickname to Gerard Gay

>> Joe Trohman changed Mikey Way's nickname to Mikey Gay

>> Joe Trohman changed Frank Iero's nickname to Frank Biero

>> Joe Trohman changed Brendon Urie's nickname to Brendon Bi Urie

>> Joe Trohman changed Ryan Ross's nickname to George Bi-an Ross

>> Joe Trohman changed Andy Hurley's nickname to Pandy Hurley

>> Joe Trohman changed Daniel Howell's nickname to Pan Howell

>> Joe Trohman changed Phil Lester's nickname to Queer Lester

>> Joe Trohman changed Joe Trohman's nickname to Joe Bone Men

Queer Lester: 4/10 little creativity

Brendon Bi Urie: way to make use of my middle name 6/10

George Bi-an Ross: um id like to file multiple complaints  
1 why do the gay bois get all of the creative names  
2 why did u call me george

Joe Bone Men: bc u hate it when i do

George Bi-an Ross: r00d

Patrick Suck: well this is vulgar

Pete Menz: and true

Patrick Suck: PETE WENTZ

Pandy Hurley: the grand succ

Gay Toro: OOF I GOTTA GO BUY FACEPAINT

Pan Howell: phil we have to go plan the holiday with patrick

Queer Lester: yep

Frank Biero: alright alrght alright  
gay squad roll out

Patrick Suck: dont ever say that again

Mikey Gay: wait hold on  
before u guys leave i wanna ask something

Pete Manz: yesssss?

Mikey Gay: mostly this is directed to dan and phil

Pan Howell: sup boi?

Queer Lester: dan dont say that again

Pan Howell: *deep inhale*  
boi

Mikey Gay: u guys said youve never been to pride before  
and that u didnt want to go bc u were too worried about wat ur fans would think  
and that they would sexualize u

Queer Lester: well more than they already do

Mikey Gay: if thats the case then y do u guys trust us with this?  
were a group of idiots from america that added u to a group chat bc of a challenge  
and u came on bc we were arguing about food names  
how tf did that make u think "yeah we can trust these guys"

Pan Howell: thats actually a good question  
to be fair i have no idea wut makes me trust u guys  
but i do know that me and phil met online and now were literally the same person

Queer Lester: like siamese twins  
attached at the nips

Pan Howell: ...  
y  
y do u speak ever phil

Queer Lester: <3

Pan Howell: ANYWAYS  
i can usually tell if i can trust someone online or not and u guys seem to be good people  
minus the whole thing with **********

Mikey Gay: o  
well thats nice of u to think  
honestly i wouldnt trust us but i think its just bc of the stuff ive been apart of  
that and the others can be kinda jerks sometimes  
except for patrick hes a sweetheart

Queer Lester: just like dan

Pan Howell: hey fuck off mate  
im dangerous

Queer Lester: ur a literal bag of marshmallows

Pan Howell: burnt marshmallows

Mikey Gay: u guys will fit in well  
but if the others start acting like assholes around u then u know y

Queer Lester: yeah i feel that  
gotta go make plans with patrick BYEEEEEEEEE <3

Pan Howell: o btw mikey?  
i hope u know that the others arent serious when they tease u  
its a friendly thing not them trying to be hurtful  
i know guys can be really aggressive when it comes to showing their love

Mikey Gay: hey now  
dont even go there man  
and also i think harris was a fucking jerkface to u and im glad u got out of that  
u and phil r lucky to have each other

Pan Howell: o  
was our relationship that obvious?

Mikey Gay: ;)  
but i thought u said the world failed at matchmaking?

Pan Howell: they did  
bc were already a thing???

Mikey Gay: ahhhhhhh ok

Pan Howell: yeah i feel lucky to have him  
phil is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me  
but anyways i mean wut i said when i was talking about the others  
dont take their teasing to heart  
ur a great guy and i want u to be able to know that regardless of wut they say

Mikey Gay: wow  
i wasnt expecting to be told that today  
thank u daniel

Pan Howell: np  
go get shit together for pride  
and eat some ice cream u need to relax ur dead tonsils

Mikey Gay: yes doctor 

Queer Lester: DANIEL  
PACK  
NOW

Pan Howell: OKAY OKAY IM PACKING


End file.
